Meet the Feebles Page #6

Synopsis: Heidi, the star of the "Meet The Feebles Variety Hour" discovers her lover Bletch, The Walrus, is cheating on her, and with all the world waiting for the show the assorted co-stars must contend with their own problems. These include drug addiction, extortion, robbery, disease, Drug dealing, and even murder. While this is happening the love between two of the stars is threatened by the devious Trevor the Rat, who wishes to exploit the young starlet for use in his porno movie business.
Genre: Comedy, Music, Musical
Director(s): Peter Jackson
Production: Dead Alive
  4 wins & 1 nomination.
 
IMDB:
6.7
Rotten Tomatoes:
71%
NOT RATED
Year:
1989
97 min
1,531 Views


with severe chafing.

Kiss me, Bletch!

Get away from me!

You shuddering mound of blubber!

Have you any idea

how revolting you look?

Bletch... no!

You disgust me!

Look at you!

You're old and you're fat...

and you smell bad...

Aggh!

No!

I was going to wait

till after the show...

but I might as well tell you now.

You're through with the Feebles!

I don't need you!

I've got a syndicated series...

and I'm grooming Samantha

to be the star.

No!

I hope you enjoyed tonight.

That was your last performance!

Now get out of here!

And now, someone

who needs no introduction.

Heeere's...

Well.

...Harry...

Yipiii!

Launch!

Come on!

Launch the carrot!

What am I going to do?

Oh my god!

Sidney, you're going to have

to fill in for a few minutes.

But... I've got to go the toilet.

Improvise!

Lmprovise!

But I've got a really weak bladder.

Say something!

Go on, say something!

Anything!

The show is going really well,

I think.

Goodbye, Bletch.

We'll drop the barrel balancing act

and bring the knife throwing forward.

Where the hell is Winyard?

Why isn't anybody listening to me?

And so without further ado

please give a big hand...

for our fabulous knife thrower.

Sidney!

Oh, no!

You philandering bastard!

Sandy, not in front of all the people!

What I have to say

I want the world to know.

He may look like

a lovable old pachyderm...

but he's a steaming great sh*t!

I don't believe it!

Goodbye life!

Hello death!

Hey Seb!

God to see you, man.

Pull yourself together!

You're next up!

Have you ever noticed

the beautiful lighting in this toilet?

He used me to vent

his lustful passions...

but as soon as I was up the duff

it was another story.

He had his pleasure

and left me with this.

Dadda!

Seymour, run to Daddy.

Dadda! Dadda!

Oh, no!

Look, I've got to go.

I've got an urgent call of nature.

That's right, run away!

That's what you've always done.

I don't think I'm going to make it!

Oh yes, a good conditioner

works wonders on my coat.

Oh, Sid, no!

Oh sorry guys.

I was bursting.

Oh Sid-you bastard!

You're supposed to wait

till it's all clear!

Thanks a lot, Sid!

I'm on in five minutes.

Goodbye life!

Oh, there it is!

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to interrupt.

Don't let me stop you.

I think you'll find

the safety catch is on.

Eat lead you man-stealing slut!

Oh yeah!

Hey, wow!

Amazing!

Bastard!

Bastard!

Ach!

That's it!

I'm left no alternative!

I don't care what Bletch says.

We're doing my song!

It's up to me to save the show,

as usual.

All right, everybody!

As we rehearsed!

Ah, please God!

I know I've been a bad bunny...

but if you make me well again

I promise... promise...

I'll be good

for the rest of my life.

- What?

- Hi Harry.

I've just received your test results...

and guess what...

- I made a boo boo.

- A boo boo?

Yeah Harry.

You're in the clear.

You just got a bad case

of bunny pox.

Take two aspirins

and stay in bed for a week.

I'll send you my bill.

Yippeee!

Yipeeee!

I'm in the clear everybody!

I haven't got it!

I haven't got myxamatosis!

I haven't got myx...

He wouldn't dare!

Oh Christ, he's not!

Oh yes he is, boss.

Sodomy...

you must think it

very odd of me...

that I enjoy the act of sodomy.

You might call the wrath

of God on me...

but if you try it then you might agree

that you enjoy the act of sodomy.

Don't worry if you feel ashamed.

It's been around for years.

Thousands more than can be named

are interested in rears.

Don't worry about hell...

no harm will come to your soul.

We're not all Pentecostal,

but everybody's got an arsehole.

Let me tell you about sodomy.

You must think it very odd of me...

that I enjoy the act of sodomy.

You may call the wrath of God

on me...

but if you try it then you might agree

that you enjoy the act of sodomy.

It might just improve your sex,

it's a hard act to follow.

A fact that fundamentalists

find difficult to swallow.

So join me as I sing...

of an activity that's fun.

Open up your ring

and try it front to bum.

Bum, bum, bum, bum...

Sodomy...

you must think it very odd of me...

that I enjoy the act of sodomy.

You might call the wrath of God

on me...

but if you try it then you might agree

that you enjoy the act of sodomy.

Sodomy!

- Trevor.

- Yes boss?

I want that fudge-packer eliminated.

Now put that gun down Heidi.

You're not solving anything

by massacring people.

Meet the Feebles,

meet the Feebles...

we're not average ordinary people...

Meet the Feebles,

meet the Feebles...

My god!

Oh god no!

Seymour!

Seymour!

I'm coming!

Seymour!

Daddy...

Daddy is here!

Seymour!

Seymour!

Daddy!

I don't care what you've done,

Lucille.

I love you so very very much...

and I want you to marry me.

Oh Robert, I love you too!

I was never unfaithful,

it was Trevor.

He drugged my drink

and tried to ravish me.

That dirty rat!

Heidi!

Put the gun down!

Heidi, for godsake!

Heidi, I still love you!

Bletch...

Kill her, Trevor!

Lt'll be a pleasure, boss.

You rotter!

Sh*t!

Miss Heidi,

I know you're a real star...

but I'm afraid I'm going to

have to dob you in.

Could you do

one last thing for me, Arthur?

Anything, Miss Heidi.

Play

"The Garden of Love".

On a magic night...

when the way you feel...

is a mystery...

it will be revealed...

Could be an angel...

from up above...

with a flower from the garden...

the garden of love...

garden of love...

Rate this script:3.7 / 3 votes

Fran Walsh

Fran Walsh was born on January 10, 1959 in Wellington, New Zealand. She is known for her work on The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003), The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001) and The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002). She has been married to Peter Jackson since 1987. They have two children. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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