Meet the Feebles Page #5

- You're depressed!

We're going out live in three hours,

for godsake.

Don't speak to me like that.

You don't understand.

None of you understand!

Bletch... Bletch...

Suddenly I feel very very old.

Bletch!

Don't you want to have me?

I must talk to you.

Say you love only me!

Don't you love me?

Don't you, Bletch?

Oh... er...

Bletch?

No!

Heidi!

It's not what you think.

Heidi!

Miss Heidi,

what on earth's the matter?

Damn!

What took you so long?

We were starting to think

you weren't going to show.

We had some trouble

with Customs snooping around.

Is it all there?

Yeah, yeah.

It's all there.

I've got to go.

Not so fast.

It's all there, I tell you.

What's the hurry, Louie?

It's one hundred per cent

pure-uncut.

I'm sure it is.

Barry, do me a line.

Some contracts

for you to sign, Mr. Bletch.

Here Dennis.

I've got a little treat for you.

Don't mind if I do Mr. Bletch.

Borax!

Honest to God,

I didn't know.

I'm as surprised as you are.

Please Mr. Bletch,

let's talk about this.

I think that's a very good idea.

Where's the merchandise?

It's... it's...

Speak up.

I can't hear you.

It's down on the docks.

Mr. Big's shipping it out

tonight.

Whereabouts on the docks?

Shed 11.

There, that wasn't so hard,

was it?

What are we going to do

with all this borax?

You seem a bit congested, Louie.

Maybe your passages need

cleaning.

I don't understand.

Say "ah".

Oh, no... no!

No, Mr. Bletch, please!

You liquidated him real good,

boss.

I think it's time we paid out

Mr. Big a visit.

Bletch...

- I'm sorry, the show's off.

- What are you talking about?

Heidi refuses to perform.

The network won't proceed without her

and cancel the transmission.

What do you mean?

Of course she'll perform.

I'm sorry Bletch.

She's locked herself in her room

and won't talk to anyone.

Give me five minutes.

It's all over.

Go home everybody.

It's kaput.

Finito!

Buggered!

It's all off!

Oh my goodness!

Steady me, Barton.

I think I'm going to faint.

Heidi!

It's Bletch!

Heidi,

I want to make love to you.

Oh, Bletch!

You drive me crazy.

Come over here and undo my buttons!

You mad impetuous brute!

I knew you'd come.

Somebody call the network.

The show will go on!

So I got out my razor

and slit his throat.

Then I buggered the bastard.

Oh, strut Cedric.

It's bad enough getting wasted,

but...

to have your last living memory

being rooted by a Scots psychopath...

it's what I call a real bummer,

mate.

What's that?

Bastards!

I'm buggered!

Right men, let's load up.

That's the lot, boss.

Time we made ourselves scarce.

Aaah!

Oh, no!

Help me boss!

Move it, Trevor!

Oh Jesus!

Sh*t!

Drive, for Chrissake!

Plant boot!

God I hate arachnids!

Christ-it's Mr. Big!

Hello Bletch.

Where are you going?

I'm taking what's mine.

Don't try to stop us.

You're out of your league,

little fella.

Kiss your arse goodbye!

Take him out Trevor.

Change down Trevor,

the duodenum's pretty steep.

Which way, boss?

Left or right?

Follow the light.

Get me back to the theatre

double quick!

Sure thing, boss.

I'll have to change my suit.

I'm covered in ambergris.

Where's Harry?

He's meant to be here!

Move the carrot to the left.

Have you focused the spot?

Where's Harry for God's sake?

Don't look like

Harry's going to perform.

He's had a bad turn.

No problem...

We'll bring forward

"The Garden of Love".

We're on a roll everybody.

Miss Heidi, you look radiant.

Dorothy, I feel radiant!

Tonight will be

the performance of my life!

- Kill me if you want to, Harry.

- It's too lat.

It won't make any difference.

The story's already gone to press.

You overgrown maggot!

You're bluffing!

Am I Harry?

Extra! Extra!

Read all about it!

Famous Feeble has

death row sex disease!

Congratulations,

you're front-page news.

Extra, extra!

Read all about it!

Extra!

Extra, extra!

Sex disease strikes

Feeble fraternity.

Thank you, ma'am.

Extra, extra!

Sex disease...

Thank you, sir.

Jesus Christ!

Do you know anything about this?

Not a thing, boss.

Why couldn't that bed-hopping bunny

keep his member to himself?

Who wrote this crap?

I've got a good idea, boss.

Find him!

Ladies and gentlemen,

your attention please.

Welcome to the newest,

the greatest...

the most spectacular show...

in entertainment history.

Put your hand together...,

for the fabulous

Feebles Variety Hour!

Meet the Feebles,

meet the Feebles.

We're not average ordinary people.

Meet the Feebles,

meet the Feebles.

This is a historic moment, Arthur.

Tonight we rocket

into superstardom!

It's an honour to be a part of it,

Mr. Bletch.

Be sure we guarantee

to amuse you.

Meet the Feebles,

meet the Feebles.

Hey Trev,

I've got fifty bucks, man.

I've got to have it.

I'm on real soon.

This is serious, man.

Look at my hands.

Come with me.

Gorblimey!

Is that a real Havana, Mr. Bletch?

Would you like one, Arthur?

Would I ever?

Thanks a million, Mr. Bletch.

You're a scholar and a gent.

I haven't had one of these

since my twenty first.

It's a real man's smoke,

ain't it, Mr. Bletch?

On another day...

it may come again...

it's a Valentine...

from a special friend...

that certain someone...

Bletch,

it's going fabulously!

I've just heard

from the network.

They've confirmed

a syndicated series!

And the critics!

The critics are adoring it!

A syndicated series, eh?

Well done, Sebastian.

I can see the headlines now.

"Director's Artistic Genius...

Makes Feeble Evening...

Outstanding Success".

I've got to go on!

I've got to go on!

My public loves me.

I can't disappoint them.

Robert, we have to talk.

We've nothing to say each other.

I want to tell you what happened.

I thought you were nice.

I am nice.

No, you're not.

You're loose!

- And you drink!

- No!

You're nothing but

a loose lush, Lucille!

And... I never want

to see you again.

The garden of love...

I say everyone,

who's the dirty person...

who did the great big stinky poo

that's blocking up the toilet?

God Trevor, must you be

so disgusting?

Oh, choice!

What are you doing?

Let me go!

You've been telling stories again,

haven't you?

You got a problem with the article,

write to the editor.

That won't be necessary.

Help me!

What do you know, boss,

a left-wing reporter!

We can't have a biased press,

can we Trevor?

No boss.

Now that's what I call

an impartial journalist.

Hello Bletch!

Heidi!

What the hell are you doing here?

Congratulations!

The show is a wonderful success!

What do you want?

Our encounter this afternoon

was so brief!

I thought you might like

a second helping.

Heidi!

For Chrissake

put your dress back on!

Come and sit next to me.

If it's too hot for you,

I can turn on the air conditioning.

I'm hot Bletch,

but not the way you think.

You're not feeling shy,

are you Bletch?

Do you remember that time

in Paris?

We didn't leave the hotel

for three whole days!

I remember all right.

I had to go to the hospital

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