Meet The Fockers Page #13

and... and

do what's best for us. Okay?

Greg, Jorge is not your son.

What?

I had a comparative

DNA analysis done last night.

And I made a mistake.

You made a mistake?

Yes, I did.

(Bernie)

Wait a minute.

Truth serum, DNA matches.

Who the hell are you,

Jack Byrnes?

I'm not really a florist,

Bernard.

I was in the CIA

for 32 years.

And I retired

right before I met Greg.

Oh, sure.

Well, that makes sense.

# Bingo, bango, bongo ##

Bernie, what the heck are you

still doing here?

Ira.

Open up, let these guys out.

Judge, what exactly

did he say to you?

He didn't have

to say anything.

Dr. Roz saved my marriage.

I'd do anything

for that woman.

You tell sugar-pants

I'll see her in class

next week.

Will do, Ira. Thanks.

Well, what can I say?

I'm married to

a powerful woman.

All right, gentlemen.

Let's go.

Excuse me.

What?

Can you close the cell door?

(Jack)

Focker!

You want to

remain in the cell?

We're not done talking yet.

What?

So, what do you think,

huh? Hmm?

Can we work this out or not?

Okay.

Jack?

Uh...

[mumbling]

Good enough.

All right, then, uh,

I think Pam

and I should... should

get married

this weekend.

This weekend?

Oh, I'm not so sure

that's a good idea.

You wanna be in the circle

or not, Jack?

Okay,

we'll do it this weekend.

Oh, Jack.

Hey, I think I can get

Judge Ira to marry you guys.

Oh, I don't think so.

But if it's all right

with you, Greg,

I already have

a minister in mind.

##[lf I Were A Carpenter

by Tim Hardin playing]

# If I were a carpenter #

# And you were a lady ##

Oh my God, Daddy.

You didn't!

(Jack)

Meeting Greg made

such an impression on Kevin,

he spent eight months

in Israel on a kibbutz,

then he took

an Internet course

and got ordained

as an inter-faith minister.

[sighs]

Jack told me you were okay

with me conducting

the ceremony.

I hope that's true.

Yeah, yeah, no,

I think it's great.

I mean, it is a little weird.

You listen to me

when I say this.

Pam and I didn't have

one-tenth

of the spiritual connection

that you two obviously share.

I mean, I look at you both

together and you're beautiful.

I get it. Okay?

Okay, thank you, Kevin.

Thank you, Greg.

##[playing]

You're gonna be a great mom,

Pamcake.

Thank you, Daddy.

And who gives this woman

to this man?

I do.

Jack Tiberius Byrnes.

Daddy.

Sorry, Greg.

She's all yours now.

That was sweet, honey.

Are you all right?

Shalom, everyone.

(all)

Shalom.

[speaking in Hebrew]

Which is Hebrew for

"what's going on?"

[all laughing]

(Kevin)

Let us begin with

the blessing of the wine.

##[chanting]

(all)

Amen.

Kevin.

What?

Yeah, go ahead.

##[Crazy 'Bout My Baby

by Randy Newman playing]

# Crazy about my baby #

# Crazy about my baby

Crazy about my baby #

[all cheering]

[speaking in Spanish]

Mmm. Mmm.

Well, hi.

Rosalind.

Yeah.

I just have to say

I underestimated you.

Oh.

When it comes to relationships

I'm starting to see

that you might actually know

what you're talking about.

[laughing]

I appreciate that, Jack.

Really, thank you.

I also was curious about

the advice you gave Judge Ira.

Mmm.

Is that

classified information?

I thought you'd never ask.

I'm gonna give you

a crash course, okay?

Come here.

Really?

Uh-huh.

And I do that for

how many minutes?

Hey! There's my brother

from another mother.

Congratulations, Jacko.

Put that away, Bernard.

We're family now.

We're family.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have some

unfinished business

to take care of.

# I'm crazy about my baby #

# I'm crazy about my baby #

Go get her, tiger.

[growling]

We Fockerized him.

Sure did.

I'd like to Fockerize you.

# Crazy about you baby #

# Crazy about you baby #

# I know

you're crazy about me #

[all cheering]

# Who's gonna take

my love away? Nobody #

# Who's gonna take my love? #

# Who's gonna take

my love away? #

# Who's gonna take my love? #

Sweetheart, do we have

to hurry like this?

Honey,

we're in a covert operation.

The bandleader

told me we have 23 minutes

before

they cut the cake.

Jack, what are you doing?

Little trick

Bernie taught me.

# Crazy about my baby #

# Crazy about my baby

Crazy about my baby #

# Crazy about my baby,

my baby's crazy 'bout me #

# Crazy about my baby,

my baby's crazy 'bout me ##

[chuckling]

Now let's find out, LJ,

why the Ferber method

isn't working.

[tape rewinding]

[wailing]

(Roz)

Oh, hi, baby.

Hi, Little Jack.

Okay.

Oh, look what I brought you.

Oh, what did I bring?

A chocolate.

For the baby.

Yummy, is that good?

I know you're

not supposed to have this.

Grandpa Jack

doesn't like chocolate.

But he's a little,

you know, whacko.

Don't tell him, okay?

You know what?

I got some cake

in the refrigerator.

Later I'll bring

you that, okay?

Chocolate cake.

Good boy.

But don't tell anyone, okay?

One more.

[giggling]

[tape rewinding]

You yell and scream

all you want.

Make noise, that's what

this country's all about.

I think we've got a

little protester on our hands.

Oh, it figures,

I should've known

this was gonna go on.

Always question authority.

You have to question

everything El Stiffo

Grandpa Jack says.

You know why?

Because' he's full of...

Because he's full of...

[chanting]

Grandpa Jack is full of...

[giggling]

[sighs]

Grandpa Jack is full of...

[tape rewinding]

There he is.

Little Man Jack.

How're you doing?

Can I interest you

in a little vodka?

Just kidding.

I'm, like, uh, officially

your uncle now.

So I was thinking

maybe I should give you

some uncley advice.

You know, little hints

for surviving in this family

'cause you gotta learn

to keep secrets

from your psycho Grandpa Jack.

He was really upset

when you crawled out

of the playpen.

Which is why we

never tell him

that instead of watching you,

I was actually

out by the lagoon

smoking a little reefer.

[shushing]

Or that whole thing

about Pam being pregnant.

There's no little Focker

on the way.

Whole thing was just made up

so Jack would

let us get married. But...

You gotta do

what you gotta do, right?

That's cute, that little

alligator tchotchke thing.

What's that in its mouth?

It's got like a... a camera!

[gasps]

Busted.

Hi, Jack.

I knew you were there

all along. I was just, uh,

doin' a little show for you.

You know I don't smoke pot

or anything,

and Pam is pregnant.

You should've seen the look

on your face, though.

Oh, so good.

A**hole.

[laughing]

Hey, look at me,

Jack, what am I?

[grunting]

I am a frozen caveman.

Study me, Jack.

Learn how strange

the Focker genetic code is.

We are weird mutants

who hug and kiss.

We show emotion.

Jack must learn from us

and chip away

with his hammer of truth.

Ha, Focker.

Wooga booga.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes