Meet The Fockers Page #12

the sequence of combat,

it can only end

with your demise.

Bring it, dog. Come on.

Bring it. Come on.

He's taunting me.

Dad.

(Pam)

Greg!

Greg!

What, Bernie,

you're gonna snap now?

(Pam)

Greg!

What?

Now look what you did.

It's your fault.

He's bleeding.

He's bleeding, Daddy.

That's it. Pam, Dina,

I'm calling

a family conference.

Come on.

No, Dad, this is the family.

All right? In a few weeks,

I'm not gonna be Pam Byrnes.

I'm gonna be Pamela Focker.

Or Byrnes-Focker.

We haven't

totally decided yet.

No, no, no, I'm gonna be

Pamela Martha Focker.

I know how that sounds,

but... but that's

the name I'm taking.

Pamcake, you're upset.

I'm not so sure

you're thinking

clearly right now.

I'm trying, Dad.

It's you who

is not thinking clearly.

These two kids

love each other. Look.

We've been kvelling about

this pregnancy all weekend.

You knew she was pregnant?

We all did, Jack.

Daddy, I was gonna tell you

after the wedding, I swear.

This is the reason I created

the circle of trust

so we could

discuss these things.

The circle isn't gonna work

if you don't trust

anyone that's in it, Dad.

(Pam)

Dad.

Jack, don't.

No, Dad.

Daddy.

(Dina)

Honey.

Daddy, please.

Daddy, where are you going?

Jack. Come on.

[engine starting]

[all chattering]

Daddy, come back, please.

[sighs]

This is nicht gut.

[car phone ringing]

(Roz)

Is it ringing?

There's no answer.

Well, let's give him

some space.

Maybe he's learning

to self-soothe.

Roz.

What?

This is crazy. I'm going.

I'm coming with you, Son.

No, Dad, I can do it myself.

We gotta make up time.

I know these roads

like the back

of my hand.

Come on, let's put

this family back together.

(Greg)

Dad, I know a shortcut.

It will lead us

to the freeway.

(Bernie)

I think you make

a right up here or a left.

It's either one or the other.

You don't know

where we are, do you?

You know,

something's wrong here.

This makes no sense at all.

Dad, it's a map of Detroit.

Oh, well, that explains it.

Dad.

(Bernie)

Punch it, Gay.

We gotta catch that dude.

[siren wailing]

Oh, sh*t.

Come on.

Come on. Keep going.

Dad, come on, it's a cop.

Listen carefully.

Let me do the talking.

I know how to handle

the local cops.

No, don't... don't

do any talking.

Don't shush me,

I'm a lawyer.

I'm not shushing you.

You know how many tickets

I've talked myself out of?

Oh, wow.

Will you look at this guy.

Don't they have

height requirements?

(Greg)

We're screwed.

No, we're not.

Don't. don't, Dad, he said

to remain in the vehicle.

Sir, I said to remain

in your vehicle.

I just wanna talk to you

for one second.

Let's just talk

like friendly Floridians.

If you fail to comply,

I will arrest you.

You see, my son's future

father-in-law

thinks my Gay back there

has a bastard son.

I said shut it.

Shut it.

I know my civil rights now.

You know your rights? Huh?

Oh!

(Bernie)

I have sensitive wrists.

Excuse me.

Sir, return to your vehicle.

I don't know

what he said, but...

That's it.

On your belly.

On my belly?

You got a hearing problem?

No, I'm just trying to say...

Now we have two failures

to comply.

Now, I need the two of you

to remain on the vehicle.

Okay, now here's my plan.

Plan?

Dad, no.

That was just a joke.

I'm sorry.

I was... I was just trying

to help you, Gay.

I know, Dad.

You're always trying to help.

[car phone ringing]

Talk to me, Marty.

What's the intel

on Operation Living Skeleton?

(Foxtrot One)

Focker is not

the kid's father, Jack.

Are you kidding me?

I was sure I had that pegged.

I'm sending you

a visual uplink now.

The dad was a minor-league

Florida ball player.

His name is Rusty Bridges.

We all make mistakes, Santa.

Foxtrot One out.

other people

and I get it all wrong.

My own wife,

I don't even know

what she's thinking.

My daughter keeps

secrets from me.

Sometimes I think

you're the only person

I can really talk to, LJ.

A**hole.

I know.

[tires screeching]

(policeman)

F-O-C-K-E-R.

(Bernie)

Hey, it's Jack.

Hey, Jack.

[both screaming]

(Bernie)

Wait!

(Greg)

Jack!

Jack.

Halt.

Jack.

Jack. Jack.

Weaver stance!

[groans]

[stun gun clicking]

Oh, my God. You shot my son.

Halt.

Your son has merely

been stunned

by a less than lethal weapon.

[groaning]

Remain calm.

are now passing

into your skeletal

muscle tissue.

Your central nervous system

has been incapacitated

but you will regain

motor functions momentarily.

[groans]

(Jack)

Officer,

do you mind telling me

why you're arresting

these men?

Oh, mercy, it just gets

better and better.

That is none of your business,

looky-loo.

Return to your camper.

At ease, son.

Put away the Taser.

Jack Byrnes, CIA.

C-I what?

Says here you're retired.

What'll you show me next,

old-timer, your AARP card?

Now, you listen to me,

and you listen good.

What's he doing?

Don't worry,

he'll get us out of this.

You have no right to...

Stand down, sir.

No, I will not stand down.

You will stand down.

I will not stand down.

You will stand down

or you will be

working security

in a retirement home

in Point Beach.

[stun gun clicking]

Remain calm.

It's been almost an hour.

You think

they caught up with him?

Hmm. Sure, sweetheart.

If I know Bernie,

they're probably sitting in

a caf in Little Havana

eating chimichangas

and working out their issues.

[police siren wailing]

[police radio chattering]

(policeman)

Check it out.

He's got a rubber booby.

[men laughing]

(Greg)

What's going on?

What's going on?

I was talking

to Judge Goldfarb.

It's done, we're out.

I thought you

were making a call.

We don't need it. I ran into

the judge in the hall.

I took care of everything.

Yeah, right.

What're you saying, Jack?

I'm saying, if you had kept

your mouth shut

in the first place

we wouldn't be in this mess.

I'm a lawyer, Jack.

I'm trying to get us

out of here.

What'd you do,

give the judge

your fondue recipe?

At least I'm comfortable

enough in my own skin

to cook for my family.

When's the last time

you gave your wife

breakfast in bed?

When is the last time

you gave her anything in bed?

Now you're out

of line, Focker.

(Bernie)

You're out of line, man.

No, you hurt

my feelings there,

and there's no reason

to hurt my feelings.

Would you guys stop?

He insulted me.

Well, this isn't about you,

all right?

It's not about either of you.

It's about me and Pam.

We're getting married.

That's it.

We're starting

our own circle of trust.

And guess what?

You're not in it.

Oh, you can't start

a circle of trust.

It's my circle.

You don't have a patent

on the circle, Jack.

By the way, you're not even

in your own circle right now.

That is untrue.

I say who's in or out

of the circle.

Well, I'm confused.

Whose circle am I in?

(Jack and Greg)

Nobody's.

Look,

we're starting a family, okay?

We-we're gonna have a baby.

I have a 15-year-old son.

You guys gotta put aside

your issues

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