Meet The Fockers Page #11

Greg.

You're still in

the circle of trust,

so I'm gonna give you

one more chance.

Are you ready to admit

that you've been hiding this

from Pam?

No, I haven't.

You're not hiding anything?

No, all right?

[sighs]

Oh, Greg.

What are you holding?

What's in your hand?

Nothing.

Jack, I can see it

in the mirror. What is it?

You got something

in your hand.

Don't worry about it, Greg.

Is that a needle?

Yes, it is.

You seem tense.

I was going to

offer you a sedative.

You're joking, right?

No, I'm not.

Jack.

Is that tartar sauce

on your shoulder?

Tartar sauce?

[yells]

Why?

You've been injected

with a highly concentrated

dose of sodium pentothal.

Street name:
Truth serum.

You won't recall this

in a few minutes

and tonight,

for the first time

in your life,

my young friend,

you are going to be honest.

Keep the pressure on it.

Get down, Little Jack.

Get funky.

Oh.

Hey there, preggers.

Quiet.

How're you doin'?

Fine, where've you been?

I went to the bathroom to pee

and now I'm talking to you,

my fiancee, who I've delayed

marrying for two years

because I didn't want

our parents to meet.

[cooing]

What?

What?

What?

You don't like me?

It's okay.

I don't like your

little red outfit.

Makes you look

like a little demon-baby.

Maybe I'll get you

a little pitchfork

for Christmas, huh,

so we can put you

on a can of Underwood ham.

I'm sorry that I can't make

little "poop" sounds

and I can't make

little things

that tell people

when I wanna do things.

And guess what?

I can make

a sign to you, too.

How's that for a sign?

[all clapping]

Uh-oh. Look, Bernie's gone up

on the stage. Come.

Now, to say a few words,

one of the great

registered nurses of all time,

Gaylord Myron Focker.

[all cheering]

Come on,

let's give it up to Gay.

Give it up to him.

[man hooting]

Bernie Focker!

I love the shirt, Dad.

Thank you. All right.

It's great to be here

with all of you

as I am about to set sail

in my ship of life,

with my first mate,

the beautiful young

blonde lass over there.

Hey, baby.

I love you, honey.

I still masturbate to Pam.

[all gasping]

Greg.

What? It's true.

Honey, what?

Come on, you're hot.

Look at her.

Look at those b*obs. Man!

I just wanna...

I just wanna lather them up

with soap and just...

I love it.

Man, I just wanna... just wanna

nestle in there

and just take

a little vacation in there.

Honey.

Honey, what? I'm sorry.

Okay, excuse me

for you being perfect.

Hey, you know

who else is great?

That woman over there.

My future mother-in-law,

Dina Byrnes.

# Dina, Dina, fofina #

# Banana fana fofina #

# I love Di-Di-Dina #

# Byrnes ##

You know, they say

if you really wanna know

what a woman

will look like

when she gets older,

you should look

at her mother.

Well, I'm a lookin'

and I'm a likin'.

[Greg whooping]

Look at her! Sweetness!

[all mumbling]

Hmm-mmm.

Good genes,

the Byrnes gene pool.

Hey, hey, you.

Yeah, you.

Hold on.

Pam,

I gotta tell you something

about... about this little

dude right here.

In my first really passionate

sexual awakening,

I did,

in fact, lose my virginity

to our beautiful housekeeper,

Isabel.

Greg, honey,

that was in the past.

So why don't

you come sit down?

No, no, honey,

'cause I have to get this

off my chest, really.

Sit.

We conceived a child.

[all gasping]

And his name is

Jorge Villalobos.

Come up here, Jorge.

Come up here.

Let's lift

the veil of mystery.

The fruit of my loins

is right here.

Everybody take a look.

See his face.

He's mine.

Search your feelings, Jorge.

You know it to be true.

[speaking in Spanish]

[sighing]

It's okay.

I know.

I know.

Lot of information.

You let it settle.

Who'd have thunk it, huh?

Come on,

give that kid a hand.

[all applauding]

Oh, and, uh, Jack?

Pam's pregnant.

[gasping]

[all chattering]

Focker out.

[thudding]

[all exclaiming]

Hey.

(Pam)

Hey.

What happened last night?

Well, you got drunk

and told my dad I'm pregnant.

You revealed you have

a 15-year-old son

named Jorge.

And, oh, apparently

you have the hots for my mom.

Oh, my God.

l... I...

You mean,

is that really true?

I think she's attractive.

No, that you have a son

you never told me about.

I... Honey, if it is,

I never heard about it

before last night.

Isabel never

said anything to me. l... I...

[sighs]

I mean.

I don't even

remember drinking.

You're telling me the truth,

aren't you?

Of course, I am.

Pam,

I love you.

I would never lie to you

about anything like that.

I love you, too.

And if Jorge

really is your son,

then we will make it work.

Okay.

I...

Hey, how did your dad react

to the pregnancy news?

Well,

just as you'd expect.

He slept in the RV.

He hasn't spoken

to anyone since last night.

[RV horn honking]

(Jack)

Pam,

we have to leave this island.

Get in the RV right now.

Bernard, get out

from under the vehicle

or I will run you over.

I'm not moving, Jack.

There's a non-violent way

to handle this.

What's going on?

Well, your father

wants to leave,

and Bernie is staging

a sit-in.

Dad, come on, get up.

This is ridiculous.

You weren't around

in the '60s, man.

This is how

we got things done.

(Jack)

Pam, Dina, we have to get

off this island. It's evil.

Jack Byrnes, out of the RV.

You are acting

like such a jerk.

Yes, there you go.

Jacko!

Yes.

Man, we're gonna

have a grandchild.

Come on,

we should be celebrating.

How could you not see it?

Greg is completely unfit

to handle a child.

He's neglected his own son

for 15 years.

Hey, Jack, I didn't even know

he existed.

That's right.

Who knows what to believe

with you?

You're dishonest

about everything.

You're so much better, Jack?

Why don't you tell everybody

what you did last night

to Greg at the party.

Muskrat, Dina.

Oh, stuff

your muskrat, Jack.

He shot Greg with truth serum

before his speech.

What?

Yeah,

I found this in his pocket.

Here we go again, Dad.

He did the same thing

to Pam's junior prom date.

Wait a minute.

Yes, yes. Wait a minute.

You stuck a needle in my neck.

You drugged my son?

I had no choice.

He refuses to tell the truth.

Because he's terrified,

and he thinks

he has to impress you.

He's had us

trying to impress you,

but in my opinion,

Jack, I think it's you

who should be

trying to impress us.

Jack.

You've insulted me,

my wife, my son,

our entire way of life.

I've sat back and taken it.

But now,

you've crossed the line, sir.

And I'm gonna have

to kick your ass.

Dad, dad, wait a second.

I'm gonna teach this florist

some justice, Focker-style.

Just calm down.

Just give me

a minute to stretch.

(Roz)

Bernie,

you're gonna hurt yourself.

We can talk this through.

It's too late for words,

Rosalind.

Dad, Dad, no, no,

please,

no dance fighting. Stop!

This is Capoeira, man.

This is hardcore sh*t.

Bernard, if you continue,

you will force

me to engage you.

And once I begin

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