Meet The Fockers Page #10

I learn from pain.

Pain-shmain.

My fingers are magic.

Come on,

let me work out the kinks.

Oh. That's a

lovely offer, Jack.

Uh, no, thanks. I'll be fine.

My wife does

wonderful bodywork, Jack.

I don't think he needs it.

##[music playing]

Okay, handsome, shirt off.

I'd rather have it on,

thank you.

Oh, no dice.

No, no, no.

It has to come off.

Ah, lovely.

You know,

most back pain

is psychological.

We carry our

emotional baggage

right here in our muscles.

I've been watching you, Jack.

Studying your body language.

And you're a very sensual man.

But I'm not sure

you realize that.

What are you doing?

(Roz)

It's a technique

I learned in Hawaii.

It's a Lomi-Lomi massage

named after the gentle waves

of the Polynesian Sea.

The waves go in,

and the waves go out.

The waves go in.

[Jack grunts]

Whoops.

Hit some driftwood.

(Roz)

Jack Byrnes,

you are a caged lion.

But lions can't be captives

their entire lives.

They have to be free

to roam the bush,

free and wild.

Your wife is a hot,

sexy tigress

and she's waiting for you

to pounce on her.

Let me hear you roar,

baby, roar.

[Jack groaning]

Your body is talking to me.

It's hungry for action.

I can feel it.

Unleash the beast inside you.

Mom, stop it.

You're hurting him.

I am not hurting him.

I am helping him.

Just don't... don't...

I don't think you

should move just yet.

Jack, come back

for an afternoon session.

It'll do you good.

What're you doing?

We were so close.

I could feel it.

I was getting through to him.

The guy doesn't

like to be touched.

Because he has

the emotional hide

of a rhinoceros.

Don't break him down.

Just let him be.

I was trying to do you

a favor.

You were riding him

like Seabiscuit, Mom.

[groaning]

[grunts]

[whirring]

[beeps]

(Jack)

Dial Foxtrot One.

[phone autodialing]

[computer beeping]

(Foxtrot One)

Alpha, Foxtrot One.

(Jack)

Foxtrot One.

I need a full comparative

DNA analysis

on

one Gaylord M Focker

and one Jorge Villalobos.

Translation,

George, House of the wolves.

It might take

a couple of weeks, Santa.

No good, Foxtrot One,

I need a 12-hour turnaround.

I'll secure the

physical evidence

and the handoff will be

at Harry Focker's

Good Time Supper Club,

You got it, Santa.

Foxtrot One out.

[phone rings]

Yello?

Bernie, this is Jack Byrnes.

Hey, Jack.

Hey, where are you

calling from?

I'm in my RV.

Would you have Greg

meet me here in three minutes?

You're in your trailer?

Thank you, goodbye.

But...

Hey, Gaylord!

(Bernie)

Jack wants you

to meet him

in his trailer

in precisely three minutes.

And I have to

tell you,

El Stiffo was really

starting to freak me out.

Greg, wait, okay?

Listen, no matter

how hard he probes you,

you have to promise me

that you will not break

because I'm not

ready to tell him

I'm pregnant.

Hey, honey.

Honey.

What? What?

Let him probe,

'cause he's probing

a brick wall.

(Roz)

Now show me how

you would like

a romantic evening to go.

Oh, Jack, wine and candles?

Gosh, it's not

even our anniversary.

Come here, hot stuff.

[moaning]

Yes, yes. Oh, Jack.

[door closing]

(Greg)

Jack?

(Jack)

Down here, under the bed.

[bed whirring]

Down here, Greg.

Wow.

Have a seat.

Watch the panel.

This is incredible.

So this is like your, uh,

mobile command center

for all your spy activities?

Mainly a secure space for me

to spend some alone time

and reflect on my thoughts.

Mmm.

Very cool.

Greg.

Yeah?

You'll recall,

we had a discussion earlier

in the week

regarding my feelings

about family, legacies,

children and so forth.

Oh, yeah, of course I recall.

Yeah.

I'm going to

just ask you once.

Is there anything

you want to tell me

regarding things

that might have happened?

Unplanned things?

Things involving

the fruit of your loins?

No.

Well, if he's not going

to admit it on his own...

[phone autodialing]

(Jorge)

Hello?

Hello, Jorge?

It's Jack Byrnes,

remember me?

Oh, yeah.

Sure.

You came to

the house with Bernie.

You had that

fancy camera pen.

Yeah, that's right.

Listen, do you have

any plans tonight?

Uh, no.

Good, 'cause I'd like to

invite you to a party.

# You could feel

like dancin' #

# Dance #

# And you could feel

like fallin' #

# Fall #

# 'Cause it would

be all right ##

Hey.

Sweetie.

Having a good time?

Uh, no, not really.

No?

Hey, listen, sweetie, did you

tell your mother I'm pregnant?

Because she keeps touching

my stomach

and

smiling like that.

Yeah. No, I didn't tell her.

She just, she guessed.

She what?

Yeah, and then

she told my dad.

Oh, my God.

Stop it, Bernie.

Bernie, stop.

It's not funny.

(Pam)

I told my mom.

What?

Yeah.

What?

Why'd you...

Your dad

will definitely find out.

She knows my dad.

She'd never say a word.

No, no.

But he's very suspicious.

Greg. Hi.

Hey.

Hi. Honey, would you take this

to your mother?

It's a wine spritzer.

That's all she drinks now.

You boys have fun.

[sighs]

Nice.

Nice party.

Isn't it?

Yeah, it is.

It's nice.

It's got a nice festive vibe.

You met some of the, uh,

some of the cousins?

I met some. Yes.

I met some, um...

Dom.

Yeah, Dom Focker.

That's my dad's, uh,

first cousin.

Did you meet his kids,

Randy and Horny?

I've met Randy and Horny.

Yes.

Come on.

I want to introduce you

to somebody.

Come on.

Oh, there he is.

Glad you could

make it, Jorge.

Oh, hey,

thanks for the invite, Mr. B.

Greg,

this is Jorge Villalobos.

Hey.

Hey, how you doing?

Isabel's son.

Oh, I didn't realize

Isabel had a son.

When did she get married?

She-she's not married.

Oh, he's never met

his father.

Oh.

I'm sorry.

That's, I mean,

that's... that's too bad.

Oh, no, no, it's... it's cool.

My mom said my dad

wasn't like, mature enough

to deal with a kid,

anyway, so, yeah.

So how do you

guys know each other?

Oh, this young man

is quite the mechanic.

And he's only 15 years old.

Isn't that impressive?

Really? You're 15?

Yeah.

That is impressive.

He's a handsome kid, huh?

Yeah.

Almost like a young,

half-Hispanic

Marlon Brando.

Well,

I'll leave

you two guys to talk.

You probably have

a lot in common.

Well, hmm.

So you're 15.

Come on, let's conga.

Did you order

the Tom Collins, sir?

Is it made with

fresh lemon juice?

They're Bermuda lemons, sir.

And I squeezed them myself.

Stay safe, Santa.

##[music playing]

[all cheering]

I mean,

it's romantic out here,

don't you think?

The moon, the sea,

isn't it nice?

Hmm.

Yeah, it's nice.

You look very handsome

tonight, Jack.

Oh.

Thank you, honey.

What are you

doing to my ears?

Nothing.

(man)

Hey!

I have to go to the bathroom,

I'll be right back.

Okay.

##[conga drums beating]

Hello, Greg.

Hi, Jack.

Did you have

a nice conversation

with your son?

Jack, I've never even met

that kid before.

Focker,

you've been covering this up

from the very beginning.

No, I haven't, Jack.

It's just another one

of your crazy theories.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes