Meet The Fockers Page #2

This is like cutting edge.

Like... Yeah.

Well, at this age, Greg,

his mind is like a sponge.

Look, when he reaches

your age, for example,

his mind will be

far less capable

of absorbing

useful information.

So cute.

Hey, can I hold him?

Oh, l... I don't think

that's such a good idea, Greg.

Muskrat.

Uh...

All right, all right.

This is Greg.

Greg will not drop you,

okay?

Okay.

Be careful.

Hello. Oh! Hello.

Hey.

I think he likes me.

No?

Ow!

Oh, sh*t!

[Little Jack wailing]

Focker. He's absorbing

you like a sponge.

I don't want the first word

out of his mouth

to be a profanity.

It's okay. It's okay.

Cover your nose.

You're terrifying him.

Focker!

[wailing]

It's cool that your dad

is so into

being a grandparent.

Yeah, I guess so.

It kinda freaks my mom out.

She says he spends

every last second

with that kid.

[horn honking]

Oh, my God.

Daddy?

(Greg)

Wow.

Daddy, what is this thing?

It's a custom-designed,

climate-controlled

motor coach.

Jack calls it the

Highlight of our Twilight.

Wow. This is incredible.

Isn't it?

Yeah.

[knocking on truck]

Ooh! Like a tank.

Well, in these

uncertain times, Greg,

I opted for

a Kevlar-reinforced hull

with two-inch thick

plexiglas windows,

just like

the ones they design on

the Russian Widowmaker

submarines.

I want you to conduct

a field test for us, Greg.

I want you to demonstrate

the impregnable outer skin

of the coach.

Throw it at the window.

Oh.

Jack, I'm not gonna...

I'm not gonna throw a brick

at your window.

It's a simple demonstration.

No, I'd... I'd

really rather not.

Throw the brick.

Okay.

Great.

Just...

All your might.

All right.

Don't worry,

your rental insurance

should take care of it.

(Pam)

You all right? What happened?

Come on,

we'll call a tow truck

from the road.

Road?

Yeah.

We're driving this to Miami.

I thought we were...

I thought we were,

we're flying tomorrow.

No, No. Airline travel

being what it is these days,

so unreliable,

I'll feel

much more comfortable

knowing I have my own

Posturepedic bed,

my own thermostat,

my own lavatory facility.

Uh-huh. So... so we're all

going to be in this together?

We hit the road

in exactly seven minutes,

This way we'll get in early,

spend an extra half day

with your parents,

getting to know them.

Isn't that great?

That is great.

(Roz)

Worth it for you but I'm the

one that gets the fumes.

(Bernie)

Honey, I'm in the mood

for a chimichanga.

(Roz)

So make a...

[answering machine beeping]

Hey, guys, uh, it's me.

Listen,

I'm getting a little worried.

I haven't heard back from you.

Hope you got the message.

There's been

a little change of plans.

We're gonna be, uh,

coming down in Jack's RV now,

so we'll be arriving

tomorrow afternoon,

not tomorrow night.

Okay? Tomorrow afternoon.

And, also, uh,

they're bringing

their little grandson,

so, uh, he's like a baby.

So... I don't know.

Oh, welcome aboard,

me hearties.

Hey, this is incredible.

Yes, it's as big

as our apartment.

Pretty neat, huh?

[toilet flushing]

[meowing]

Hey!

Mr. Jinx finally learned

how to flush the toilet, huh?

Yeah. Jack installed

a special flusher,

and he learnt how to do that

in about two days.

Right, Jack?

Hey there, Jinxy.

How you doing?

[meowing]

Ready to hit the road,

Co-Captain?

Wow! I'm the Co-Captain?

Let's set sail, sailor.

##[Going Up the Country

by Canned Heat playing]

# I'm going up the country

babe don't you wanna go #

(Jack)

Good afternoon,

ladies and gentlemen.

This is

Captain Jack Byrnes speaking.

Yeah, Daddy!

(Jack)

A quick announcement.

As a courtesy

to your fellow passengers,

please remember

that the onboard lavatory

should be used

for number one only.

Should the need

for number two arise,

we'll stop at

the nearest rest stop,

gas station,

or heavily wooded area.

Thank you. Welcome aboard.

I like that thing.

Hey, do you mind if I, uh,

make a little announcement?

Well...

Only the captain gets

to make an announcement.

You want to honk the horn?

Um... Sure.

Only the captain gets

to honk the horn.

# I'm gonna leave this city #

# Got to get away #

# All this fussing

And fighting #

Oh, look!

(Greg)

Hey, Jinxy, see that?

# Now, baby,

pack your leaving trunk #

# You know

we've got to leave today #

(Pam)

You hungry?

Do you want some milk?

# But we might

even leave the USA #

Hey! Jack?

(Greg)

Oh, she wants you

to honk the horn.

Not interested.

Rules of the road.

She honks, you honk.

(Greg)

Come on, Jack. Come on.

Give her a honk.

[honking]

There you go.

[whooping]

[girls yelling]

(Greg)

It's like a team or something.

"Honk if your are horny."

[girls yelling]

[gasping]

Oh!

Thanks for that, Greg.

# 'Cause you've got a home #

# As long as I've got mine ##

(Roz)

... for you but I'm the one

that gets the fumes.

(Bernie)

Honey, I'm in the mood

for a chimichanga.

(Roz)

So make a...

[answering machine beeping]

[Little Jack cooing]

Hey, there.

No hard feelings, all right?

[Little Jack gurgling]

Friends? What's that?

What're you saying?

Now, wait a minute.

What does this mean?

I know what this means.

Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze.

Oh, poop!

You got to poop, right?

Okay, good.

Thank you for warning me.

Everybody poops.

Sometimes it hurts.

It's okay.

Just let it come out.

[wailing]

What did you do, Focker?

Nothing. He...

I think he has to poop.

That's not the sign for poop.

That's the sign for milk.

This is the sign for poop.

Oh! What's the sign

for sour milk?

'Cause, uh

this tastes a little funky.

That's because

it's from Debbie's

left breast, Greg.

[gagging]

[laughing]

Ew.

Fortunately,

she pumped for a week

to give us

enough for the trip.

Okay,

snack pack for Little Jack.

(Greg)

What are you doing there?

Well, during

the breastfeeding stage, Greg,

infants can get

very confused and upset

when they're separated

from their mothers.

So I invented something

to ease LJ's anxiety

during chow time.

I call it the Mannary Gland.

I had it made

from an exact cast

of Debbie's left bosom.

[gurgling]

Oh, yeah. Okay.

It's been so effective,

I'm thinking of

getting it patented.

Would you like to touch it?

Uh, I wouldn't.

Oh, come on,

feel how soft it is.

I can... I can see

how soft it is from here.

No, feel it, Greg.

It's very...

It looks very...

Just feel the breast, Greg.

Just a...

Oh, watch the nipple.

Just around here.

Nipple is his.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

It's got a great, lifelike,

and a...

Or what I would imagine

Debbie's breast might... might

actually feel like.

Not that I would know.

[chattering]

(Pam)

Greg.

What?

Honey, you promised

you wouldn't take the boob out

in front of company.

It's nothing

to be ashamed of.

Breast-feeding is

perfectly natural.

Dad, that's not natural,

that's just weird.

As soon as

Little Jack's topped off,

we're gonna hit the road.

Oh!

Oh, Jack,

you can't drive

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