Meet The Fockers Page #3

any more tonight.

Dr. Monroe said

no aggravating your sciatica.

Honey, we're on a very

precise schedule.

We bunk here tonight,

we hit horrendous traffic

in the morning.

[Little Jack whining]

Greg?

Yeah.

Maybe you could drive

the night shift.

I could do that.

I am the Co-Captain.

So, I think that falls

under my

responsibilities, right?

Yeah.

Keep her at 55, stay alert.

Yeah, yeah. I've been

wanting to get behind

the wheel of this big boy.

[horn honking]

[cars honking]

You got it. Pass.

[horns honking]

Sorry, got to go 55.

Captain Jack's orders.

Hmm.

[door beeping]

Hey!

Would you like

some company, Greg?

Uh, yeah, sure.

If you can't sleep.

Go on. Have a seat.

[door beeping]

How about a cappuccino?

Oh, you don't have to do that.

It's no problem for me.

Really? Yeah? Okay.

Dina!

Wake up and make

Greg a cappuccino!

Shake a leg, woman!

Jesus, Jack,

you know, I'm not that tired.

Really.

Relax, Greg. This cockpit's

completely soundproofed.

You should've seen the look

on your face.

[chuckling]

Oh! Okay, okay.

You got me. That was...

That was a good one.

Yes, it was. Yes.

Mmm-hmm.

It's funny.

But you should never talk

to a woman like that,

you know that, Greg.

It's disrespectful.

Right, of course. Yeah.

Greg, a man reaches

a certain age

when he realizes

what's truly important.

Hmm-mmm.

You know what that is?

Love?

Friendship?

Enjoying the moment.

Living. Just love.

His legacy.

That, too. Right. Yeah. Sure.

Now, my grandson, Little Jack,

is part of that legacy.

In six months, you and Pam

are gonna be married.

Sometime after that,

you'll want to start

a family of your own.

Yeah. Right.

Actually, on the subject,

I had some thoughts

about the wedding date.

We'll discuss that later,

after this weekend, Greg.

Now, let's get back on point.

Let me put it very simply.

If your family circle

does indeed join

my family circle,

they'll form a chain.

I can't have a chink

in my chain.

Hmm.

Yeah. Okay.

I get the metaphor.

Now,

I've never met your parents,

so I'm not going to jump

to any hasty conclusions.

But, like studying

a frozen caveman,

if I can see

where you came from,

I'll have a much better idea

of where you're going.

Okay.

A-are you thinking

maybe my parents might be

like... like a chink

in the chain or...

A doctor and a lawyer,

what's there to worry about?

Mmm-hmm.

[birds cawing]

(Dina)

Ooh, it seems very nice.

[karate cries]

Is that your father?

[karate cries]

That is my father.

[karate cries]

(Bernie)

Hey! There you are.

What the heck is

that contraption?

I thought you guys

were flying in tonight.

I left a message yesterday

We were driving...

Oh, I didn't get a message.

(Greg)

I left you like five messages.

Will you get over here

and plant one on me.

Talking about messages.

I've been waiting so long

to see you. My best buddy.

Good to see you.

Come here. Come here.

Oh, I missed you.

Is this not

the most handsome young man

you've ever seen

in your life?

I used to call him

a young Jewish Marlon Brando.

Huh?

[all laughing]

Can you believe

I conceived him

with one testicle?

(Bernie)

No, really. It's true.

I only have one because

the other never dropped.

It's called

an undescending testicle.

It's not uncommon,

but look at him.

Imagine what he would have

looked like if I had two.

[Greg chuckling]

That's a good icebreaker.

Whoa!

Ho!

There's the sexiest

second grade teacher

I've ever seen in my life.

[sputtering]

That was a good one.

It gets her every time.

Goose bumps. She loves it.

I'm Dina Byrnes.

It's so nice to meet you.

The pleasure is all mine,

mon cheri.

[exclaiming]

You got to be the flower man.

That's right.

Jack Byrnes, Pam's father.

And I'm Bernard Focker,

Gaylord's father,

and we're all grownups here

and we shake hands like men.

All right.

[all laughing]

Oh, we're just playing here.

Give me some love.

We're family now.

What're you so shy about?

Come here.

Oh, wow. Look at those pecs.

Wow! You're harder

than sheetrock.

Now tell me the truth.

You work out

with weights, right?

Well, I do

various calisthenics.

Some medicine-ball training,

I play bimonthly football.

Oh, footie-footie football?

I was just, uh,

practicing my Capoeira. What?

Oh, Capoeira. Yeah.

The Brazilian martial art

of dance fighting. Yes.

He knows what that is. Yeah.

You know,

I've been doing it for weeks.

I'm really into it.

It keeps me level.

Because sometimes

I get wound up so tight,

I could just snap.

You know what I mean?

[Little Jack wailing]

What is that?

What is that?

Is there a baby on board?

That's a baby. Yes, yes.

Yeah. Hmm-mmm.

It was all in the message.

[Moses barking]

Hey, Moses, go ahead,

say hello to

your future in-laws.

No, no, he's harmless.

And yeah, fixed.

Moses.

That's all right.

(Bernie)

Just shake him off.

Oh, no. Don't shake.

He likes the shaking.

Moses, get off!

No, don't worry.

The pink part

didn't get on you.

(Greg)

Moses, go, get in your basket.

Go!

(Bernie)

He's all talk.

Who's this little guy?

This is our grandson,

Little Jack.

Oh, little baby.

[babbling]

How are you,

Little Jack?

Hey, Dad, don't... don't...

don't infantilize him.

Just talk to him

like a person.

What are you talking about?

He's a baby.

I want to talk to him

like he's a baby.

Bazooka! Bazooka!

[wailing]

(Bernie)

He likes me.

When Roz's dad died, I said:

"Hey, we're freezing our

tushies off here in Detroit."

You know, "Let's head south

and get some year-round fun

in the sun."

This house is

over a 100 years old, so...

Dad. Dad,

you continue the tour.

I'm gonna tell Mom

we're here, okay?

Oh! The upstairs bathroom

is on el fritzo.

So we're all gonna have to

share this one for now.

Since there's a water scarcity

on the island,

we kind of abide by the

"if it's yellow let it mellow,

if it's brown

flush it down" policy.

Oops. Forgot my own rule.

[toilet flushing]

The RV has paid

for itself already.

##[music playing]

All right, kids.

Forward and backward.

(Roz)

Rotate those hips.

Let's get your

kundalini rising.

And now it's time

for the ladies

to get into the reverse

cowgirl position.

Guys, you have to

lie across the Liberator pad

like so.

Everyone look at

how Ira's doing it.

Bingo. Bango. Bungo.

The man is loose, he's limber

and he's ready for action.

So, climb aboard, girls,

and let me hear

your bodies talk.

Ooh!

Whoa! Yes!

This position is terrific

for anyone with osteoporosis,

gout or goiter.

Stay with me, kids.

We're almost done.

Ah! Honey!

Oh! All right, guys.

We have to wrap it up.

Everyone.

Remember to take

your Liberator pads.

And don't forget to stretch

before you try this at home.

We don't want anyone

shattering a pelvis.

Hello, my precious.

Oh, I love you so much.

I haven't seen

my bubeleh in months.

Honey, you feel thin.

No, no.

You're not eating.

What's the matter?

No. I'm fine. Mom, how do

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