Meet the Patels Page #2

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one, two, three...

India 1945, Dad entered the world.

Twenty-two years later,

Dad's entire village

pooled their money to

send him to America.

You know I came to America with

eight dollars in my pocket?

That's all, that's all I had.

Look at me now.

1967, Dad enrolled at Michigan Tech.

He and six other guys from India

shared one room and

one bank account.

You know, I had to look up

every word in the dictionary,

every word.

Having a weak English lexicon left me feeling

lugubrious, acrimonious, cantankerous.

I'm sorry, am I being superfluous?

Look at me now!

1972, Dad's dad called

him and told him...

It's time to get married!

Dad flew to India, got

an arranged marriage,

came back with Mom.

You know some people they date,

then they get married?

We did it opposite.

Look at me now.

I don't know how they fell in love,

but they are the happiest

couple I've ever seen.

- 1975, you were born...

- Yup.

Three years later, I was born.

I had a very happy childhood,

but the older I got,

the more I lived a double life.

At home, I was Indian

Ravi, I spoke Gujarati,

hung out with Indians,

I watched Indian movies.

Outside the house,

I was American Ravi.

Hi, Ma!

I spoke English, hung

out with Americans,

watched American movies...

My, my dating history is short.

Growing up, dating wasn't allowed.

In fact, if a girl

ever called the house,

- there was an interrogation afterwards.

- Right.

The expectations were clear,

I was gonna have a

perfect Indian wife.

She'd be a wonderful

mother, a great cook,

that was the plan.

So I was shocked

when the first girl I

really fell for was...

Hey, we're on hayride.

A redhead from Connecticut.

Doe, a dear a female deer.

Audrey was my first and

only girlfriend, ever.

Okay, I look a little weird

because, um, I'm on night vision.

We're gonna get in trouble!

You're really high up!

You know, we were pretty serious.

Um, Madonna, Snoop Doggy Dog,

oh, he's a, he's a painter,

he's a computer guy?

What?

She has so many amazing qualities.

I mean, just that she could

dance at a drop of a hat

for no reason.

She has a lot of sensibilities

that most 50-year-old

mothers have...

She loves a good how-to book.

- Any puppy videos...

- Aww.

If there's a video online

where people are crying,

she's watching it

and she's crying too.

I mean, we were

together for two years,

and it definitely felt like,

"Okay, it's time to tell Mom

and Dad that she exists."

That was good, right?

But somehow, there was still

something else inside me,

like in my gut, that just didn't sit well,

and I didn't really know what it was.

Is there a term for it, the Indian Problem?

I said, "Look, I just can't

live this double life anymore.

"You know, I... I can't hide

this relationship from my parents,

"it's not fair to you or them."

And I, I don't know, I

just couldn't do it anymore.

So...

We broke up.

It's not the idea of marrying

a girl that's a problem,

I, 100%, I would get married...

You know, I'm 29, I want to be married,

but for me specifically, I don't want to...

You know, doing it like a job interview.

In a best-case scenario,

I think I could marry a girl

six months after meeting her.

Hey, that was different though, man.

No, no, no, no.

I know the process!

No, no, no, no.

Right.

It gets me stressed out

just thinking about it.

I think I just never questioned

that I would find the girl I want

and I would find her in kind

of a normal, American way,

like in the movies...

- Ray!

- Excuse me

- In the middle of nowhere...

- Can I help you?

it would be romantic...

You complete me...

You had me at hello...

And I wouldn't need my

parents to do it for me,

cause it's pathetic!

- I mean, they're setting up the dates.

- Right.

In my case, they're probably,

texting me in the middle of it.

And then you're waiting to find out

whether you get a second date,

not from her but from Mom and Dad.

From Mom and Dad.

It's like, it's like exactly the

relationship I have with my acting agents.

Like they'll call me up and be like...

My prince, my prince,

darling, baby, good news.

Talked to Seema's parents,

looks like they want to

bring you in for a callback!

Vasant, coffee!

So here's the deal, it's

going to be Friday night,

you're going to take her to Chinese.

Now listen, they love

you. Don't do anything new.

Same stuff.

Nothing tricky,

we're hearing it's between

you and two guys named Raj.

All right? Oh and, hey, Ravi, good luck,

don't blow it. Hit the girls.

- So the next stop was Dad's village.

- Right...

There's literally a pile

of crap everywhere you go,

they need to figure out how

to potty-train the cows, right?

Dad's village is like

the belly of the beast.

Right, cause we are

related to everybody.

Yeah, and they all immediately

had one question...

Imagine the most annoying

person in your family,

who's kinda always in your business,

asking all sorts of questions

and you're trying to just

get out of the situation.

Now imagine an entire village

filled with that person.

Like in The Matrix,

you know where that bad guy

is, like, multiplying

over and over again.

Dad's one of the most

respected people I know,

but Mom might be an even bigger deal

because she is known

as a matchmaker.

So it's a huge failure in Mom's eyes

that her own kids aren't married,

and she's the best in the business.

December's actually

wedding season in India,

meaning Indians from

all over the world

come to India, not just

to meet each other, but...

- To marry... Yeah.

- To marry each other.

Everyone except for us.

No.

No.

Wow!

When too many people like us

are telling you that, my

prince, this thing works,

at least you need to close

your eyes, one day, for 24 hours

and think, all these

people are telling you.

And think that there could be some truth.

The whole world cannot be wrong.

Yeah, the whole world

cannot be wrong, my prince.

I remember sitting there, and I'm

looking at Mom and Dad on stage

and, you know, this charity,

that... And this whole event

which is put on just

because of their own efforts

and, you know, it reminded me

just how much I love our family

and how much I love our culture.

Where we're from.

Yeah, you know, when I have kids,

I kinda wanted them to

have the same feeling,

the same experience.

And grow up the way we did.

Yeah, and go on trips

like, like these.

Yeah.

And that's when it all

became clear to me that,

you know, maybe that's why

I had broken up with Audrey,

because, you know, I wanted this.

So what happened? What changed your mind?

I guess I had this realization that...

whenever in my head I imagined

who it was that I was gonna marry,

it was this Indian girl.

Yet, here I was, almost 30

and I hadn't found one yet,

and I started doing the math.

I mean, when we were

in India, it was like,

looking around, there's

Indians everywhere,

those guys have it easy.

But I live in America,

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