Megamind

Here's my day so far:

went to jail,

lost the girl of my dreams,

and got my butt kicked pretty good.

Still, things could be a lot worse.

Oh, that's right.

I'm falling to my death.

Guess they can't.

How'd it all come to this, you ask?

My end starts at the beginning.

The very beginning.

Yes, that's me.

I had a fairly standard childhood.

I came from, what you might call,

a broken home.

Literally broken.

I was eight days old

and still living with my parents.

How sad is that?

Clearly it was time to move on.

Here is your minion.

He will take care of you.

And here is your binky.

You are destined for...

I didn't quite hear that last part,

but it sounded important.

- ...two, one.

- Destined for what?

I set out to find my destiny.

Turns out a kid from the Glaupunkt

quadrant had the exact same idea.

That was the day

I met Mr. Goody Two-Shoes...

...and our glorious rivalry was born.

Could this be

what I was destined for?

A dream life filled with luxury.

Apparently not.

Even fate picks its favorites.

No big deal.

A much different fate awaited me.

A baby! How thoughtful.

Oh, yes.

Yes, I saw it and thought of you.

Luckily I found

a lovely little place to call home.

Can we keep it?

A place that taught me

the differences between right...

...and wrong.

Mr. Goody Two-Shoes,

on the other hand,

had life handed to him

on a silver platter.

Our baby can fly.

Yes, yes, nothing

but the best for you, darling.

The power of flight,

invulnerability, and great hair.

But I had something far, far greater.

My amazing intellect...

...and knack

for building objects of mayhem.

After a few years, and with some

time off for good behavior,

I was given an opportunity

to better myself through learning...

...at a strange place called shool.

It was there that I once again ran

into Mr. Goody Two-Shoes.

He had already amassed a gigantic army

of soft-headed groupies.

He bought their affections

with showmanship

and extravagant gifts of deliciousness.

So I, too, will make this popp-ed corn

and win over those mindless drones.

Lights out.

That's when I learned

a very hard lesson:

Good receives all the praise

and adulation,

while evil is

sent to quiet-time in the corner.

So fitting in wasn't

really an option.

While they were learning

the Itsy Bitsy Spider...

...I learned how to dehydrate animate

objects and rehydrate them at will.

Some days, it felt like it was

just me and Minion against the world.

No matter how hard I tried,

I was always the odd man out,

the last one picked,

the screw-up, the black sheep...

Get him!

- ...the bad boy.

- Freak!

Weirdo!

Was this my destiny?

Wait, maybe it was.

Being bad is

the one thing I'm good at.

Then it hit me:

If I was the bad boy,

then I was going to be

the baddest boy of them all.

I was destined to be

a super-villain,

and we were destined to be rivals.

The die had been cast,

and so began an enduring, epic,

lifelong career.

And I loved it.

Our battles quickly got more elaborate.

He would win some.

I would almost win others.

He took the name Metro Man,

defender of Metrocity.

I decided to pick something

a little more humble: Megamind...

...incredibly handsome criminal genius

and master of all villainy.

Read on your own time. Open up.

- Hey!

- Boo!

Oh, good morning, Warden.

Great news:
I'm a changed man, and...

...and I'm ready to re-enter society

as a solid citizen.

You're a villain,

and you'll always be a villain.

You'll never change,

and you'll never Ieave.

You're fun.

You got a present in the mail.

Is it a puppy?

From Metro Man. "To count every

second of your 85 Iife sentences."

That's funny. Never thought Metro Man

was the gloating type.

Oh, but he does have nice taste.

I think I'll keep it.

Any chance you could give me the time?

I don't want to be Iate for the opening

of the Metro Man Museum.

Oh no. Looks Iike

you're gonna miss it,

by several thousand years.

Oh, am I?

Happy Metro Man Day, Metro City.

It's a beautiful day

in beautiful downtown,

where we're here to honor

a beautiful man, Metro Man.

His heart is an ocean

that's inside a bigger ocean.

For years he's been watching us

with his super-vision,

saving us with his super-strength

and caring for us with his super-heart.

Now it's our turn

to give something back.

This is Roxanne Ritchi,

reporting Iive

from the dedication

of the Metro Man Museum.

Wow. OK, the stuff

they make you read on-air,

that's un-freaking-believable.

It's crazy.

I wrote that piece myself, Hal.

What I was trying to say was,

I can't believe

that in our modern society,

they Iet, Iike,

actual art get onto the news.

- Nice save, Hal.

- What are we...

Like, Iet's just get

a coffee or something.

Come on, it's time to get

in the Metro Man Day spirit.

Well, if I were Metro Man,

Megamind wouldn't be

kidnapping you all the time.

- That's the first thing.

- That's sweet, Hal.

And I'd be watching you,

Iike a dingo watches a human baby.

OK, that sounded...

- OK, that sounded a Iittle weird.

- A Iittle bit. Yeah.

And you're making a weird face,

and that's making me feel weird.

The point is, I would watch you

Iike someone...

Not Iove. We're not in Iove.

I'm not saying I Iove you.

Hey, I Iove you. Whatever.

But I'm not saying Iike

I'm in Iove with you. I'm saying...

Roxanne? Roxaroo?

- Whoa... What?

- Hey...

Get back to work.

The city doesn't pay you to Ioaf.

- Freeze!

- Whoa. What are you doing, guys?

It's me! It's the warden.

Hey! Open up!

No, you fools. He's tricked us.

You were right.

I'll always be a villain.

Well, hello good-Iooking.

Need a Iift?

Certainly do,

you fantastic fish, you.

- Get in the car, you.

- I'm free!

Right?

Nice work sending me

the watch, Minion.

- You got it, boss.

- Punch it!

AII right,

put your hands in the air.

Ladies and gentlemen,

your Metro Man!

- Who's your man?

- Metro Man!

Yeah, Metro City!

Gimme some. Come on. Give it now.

Give it to me. Right on.

Gimme the good stuff. AII right.

Hey, Metro City.

Hey. Hey.

You know, you know,

I just want to bring it down a bit.

Boys, a Iittle Iower.

Thank you, fellas.

Let's get real for a moment.

That's right. That's right.

That's right.

Although getting a whole museum

is super-cool, is super-cool,

you want to know what the greatest

honor you've given me is?

Do you really want to know? Really?

I'll tell you.

The greatest honor you've

given me is Ietting me serve you,

the helpless people of Metro City.

And at the end of every day,

well, I often ask myself...

...who would I be without you?

- I Iove you, Metro Man!

- And I Iove you, random citizen.

I tell you, Minion.

There's no place Iike evil Iair.

I've kept it cold and damp

just for you, sir.

How do I Iook, Minion?

Do I Iook bad?

Disgustingly horrifying, sir.

You always know what to say.

Oh, the brain-bots

certainly missed you, sir.

Did you miss your daddy?

Who's a menacing Iittle cyborg?

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