Melinda and Melinda Page #9

She's probably got augmented cleavage.

She's anybody's type. Come on.

Wednesday's Halloween.

We were gonna go out. You should

meet Stacey. l think she just broke up.

Hobie agrees to being fixed up,

but he's still madly in love with Melinda.

He dreams about her all the time.

He's consumed with jealousy.

He can't bear the thought that she might

be making love with another man.

He wants to know!

But he doesn't wanna know.

lt's driving him crazy.

Did you hear something?

l heard something at the front.

Can you just go check the door?

Make sure it's locked.

- What is it? What's the matter?

- l need to talk to you.

You look terrible. What happened?

l think Laurel and Ellis are having an affair.

What?

l'm going crazy. l just...

- Take it easy, will you?

- l don't know what to do.

- Well, what makes you think so?

- l just know it, OK?

l've been through this once before.

Laurel is supposed to be my closest friend.

But what makes you think

that something's going on?

l thought it was my paranoia. Then last week

l was coming home from house hunting.

Ellis was out of town. And l overheard

this argument between Laurel and Lee.

- What's this?

- What?

Whose key is this? Who's A?

A?

Whose keys are in our bathroom?

Who was here?

l don't know.

- You were with someone.

- Laurel.

- You had a woman here!

- l can't listen to these accusations.

- You slept with someone here?

- Leave me alone.

l can't get into another

big discussion of my life.

Just because l was up here with someone

talking, doesn't mean we went to bed.

l am finished with this, Lee.

- You're a fine one to talk.

- What does that mean?

You'd love to call it quits

now your eye's on someone else.

- What?

- You throw yourself at Melinda's boyfriend.

- Don't try and turn this around!

- l'm amazed she tolerates it.

You're mixing things up cos you were caught.

No, you were caught. l know you

when you slip into your seductive mode.

- l'm not gonna have this stupid conversation!

- Don't worry, l won't be around much longer.

And then you can feel free

to pursue whoever you want!

From that moment, the demons set in.

l just couldn't sleep.

Doesn't matter how many pills l take.

l just feel myself consumed with suspicion

and l'm ashamed of it.

Melinda...

Cassie, you know it's true.

l can see it in your face.

Look, you have to pull yourself together.

You've been popping pills.

- You've been drinking...

- Stop avoiding answering me.

l don't know anything.

l called Ellis today. He's not where

he said he'd be, so l called Laurel's school.

She'd called in sick.

Clearly, she's not home sick.

Listen, even if your worst fears were true,

you can'tjust go off the deep end.

l pick up the phone extension. l have to know.

At the same time, l don't wanna know.

Listen, you cannot

give yourself over to fantasies.

Let's find out the reality first,

and stop drinking.

For God's sakes, it's not even noon yet.

God. l have an appointment

with your husband at noon.

Well, you're gonna be late.

l'm afraid the news is not good.

No?

My partner gave it everything he had, but the

politics of the situation is just too difficult.

Your ex-husband is very well connected

and very determined

to keep the children from you.

Naturally, the criminal conviction didn't help.

lt's funny. l steeled myself for this result,

but now that it's come...

You know, l know this will sound

very Pollyanna, but it's true.

When they grow up, they will want to know

who their mother was and get to know you.

My guess is they'll be quite angry

at their father for his unreasonableness.

You'll see. They'll grow up and come to you.

Well, l'm certain that they will.

l'm sure that they'll take after me

and look very much like my mother.

My mother

was a very gifted interior decorator.

And l studied art,

so l've always had this flair for graphics.

Can l get you anything?

No, l just hope that you'll be

sending some of your clients to me

when l get more established, you know.

Did l tell you that my mother... my mother...

my mother was

a very gifted interior decorator?

She was very talented. She did some

amazing houses on the Upper West Side.

Melinda...

There's been no easy way

to handle this situation.

l think we need to talk.

No, these situations are never easy.

l'm sorry, Melinda.

l really am sorry. lt's just...

We planned to tell you, but each of us

was so bewildered as how to approach it.

Bewildered.

lt's not like we planned on it happening.

We were going to explain things

as soon as we figured out the best approach.

- l loved you.

- l don't have a satisfying explanation.

You know, these things happen.

Living is messy.

My head is spinning.

l need to lie down and rest.

l wanna close my eyes

and never open them again.

- l'm going out the window.

- Ellis.

Meli... What are you doing?

l'm going out!

Cassie?

Melinda has to come

and stay with you for a while.

No, there is no other answer.

She has to be watched, and it's awkward

with me and Ellis under the circumstances.

Well, l can't be responsible either.

Let's face it, Cassie. She's one of those people

who will always need help.

lt's sad, but we have to

move on with our lives.

You killed her.

You killed her as l am about to kill you.

Come, Vitus.

Are we men or are we children?

- Of what use...

- So, what do you think?

She's gorgeous. Hard to believe

a Republican could be that sexual.

l bet she could put your portfolio in order.

- l thought you didn't like to dance.

- l'm just trying to be a good sport.

l think it'd only be fair

to tell you, l'm a liberal.

Are you talking politically

or in the bedroom?

l was talking politically.

ln the bedroom, l'm a left-wing liberal.

ln the bedroom, l'm a radical.

Look, can l level with you?

ln the past few months of my marriage

l really didn't sleep with my wife.

We weren't sleeping at all.

l... So it's,... you know.

l'm a little out of practice.

Politically speaking,

l'm ready for a little affirmative action.

What do you say we blow this joint

and go back to your place?

My place? Yes, by all means.

lt'd be great. This is like a drea...

So you're not gonna hold the fact

that we have conflicting viewpoints

on the direction America should take

against me?

l mean, l'd hate to get all worked up

and then we find we differ on a tax cut.

Come on.

l haven't made love in a while either.

Yes. l will never vote

against school prayer again.

- Hey, what are they up to?

- What do you think?

- So much dancing.

- That was so much fun.

You'll have to forgive the disarray.

My cleaning woman won $168 million

in the lottery and she asked for the day off.

- Ajoke.

- You must get depressed sleeping alone.

The truth is, l frighten myself. l'm always

worried burglars are gonna break in.

- l bought a baseball bat. Oh, drinks.

- l know the feeling of being dumped.

Except in my case,

it was between my fianc and my best friend.

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