Melvin and Howard Page #2

[# Creedence Clearwater Revival:

Fortunate Son]

# Some folks are born

made to wave the flag

# Ooh, they're red, white and blue

# And when the band

plays Hail to the Chief

#Ooh, they point the cannon at you

# It ain't me, it ain't me,

# I ain't no senator's son

# It ain't me, it ain't me

# I ain't no fortunate one

[music stops]

[Horse whinnies]

- Going to work now?

- No, honey...

I'm workin' nights this week.

Go to sleep.

Hey.

[Melvin snores]

[Banging, dog barks]

Oh, no... Repossessed again.

[Car engine starts]

Right.

[Dog barks]

[Yawns]

[Car horn toots]

[Snores]

- Mom.

- Shh!

Shh!

Goodbye, Melvin.

Lynda!

- Mom! What's going on?

- We have to leave.

- [Lynda] Where are we going?

- [Man] Headed to Reno.

- [Girl] Reno?!

- Hey!

- Lynda!

- [Girl] So long, Dad!

- [Lynda] You said no strings attached!

- [Man] You said no strings attached!

[Lynda] Doing me a favour!

- You deserve each other.

- [Girl] How'll we pay for this?

- With a job.

- Whatjob?

Oh, I don't know. I guess...

I don't know.

- Oh... a job.

- I think I wanna go home.

- I can't go home.

- I miss my friends.

- And Daddy?

- Yeah, I miss him.

I'm sorry.

[PA] Making all local connections

bound for Las Vegas,

stopping at Sparks,

Stillwater, Bathertown...

- Did you get it?

- Yeah.

Come on, let's get you something to eat.

- Hey, mister. Got a knife?

- [Man] You bet.

Darcy, go get the knife.

Don't cut yourself with it now, OK?

Can I help you?

- Thank you so much.

- [Waiter] You're welcome.

Hand me that plate up there, Darcy.

Hurry up.

Go get some mustard.

Excuse me.

When you get to Gabbs,

be sure you get off, all right?

- All right.

- Don't get off before then.

Anybody talks to you, anybody

suspicious, just don't talk back.

- Ketchup?

- Yeah.

Well, go get it.

Just go right up and talk to the driver.

I want you tell Helen Morris hello...

- Everything OK there?

- Just fine, thank you very much.

[PA] Final call for the Las Vegas bus.

That's you.

[Woman] Bye, bye!

Here's your ticket.

Go sit down.

Hey, hey!

- I forgot your apple.

- Thanks.

Thanks for the sandwich, Mom.

Hey, hey, wait, wait, wait.

How's your mom doing?

She's fine.

Good.

Let's go.

[Machinery roars]

- You can't go on like this.

- What you talkin' about?

Mopin' around like a baby.

Lynda'll be back.

- Yeah?

- They always come back.

Huh.

Take me, I can't stand my wife.

But I always go back.

I'm going back this weekend.

Wanna come?

- What, and see your wife?

- I got a sister.

Oh, yeah? What's she like?

Oh, tall, thin, bluish hair.

She takes the tolls

on the Golden Gate Bridge.

- You'll like her.

- Yeah.

You wanna come, Melvin?

I'll tell you what, though.

I'll ride with you to Reno. How's that?

- OK?

- Well...

Yeah.

[Friend] How are you

going to find Lynda?

Darcy told me

where she's been staying.

[Radio. # Daniel Dean Darst:

Love Can't Hold a Ramblin' Man]

Here, you go, Mel.

Oh, man, get rid of that.

Put that away.

You sure are good, Mel.

[# The Rolling Stones:

Satisfaction (Can't Get No)]

[Man whistles]

Oh!

Woo-hee!

[Applause]

[Woman screams]

You wanna sit over there?

Come here!

Hey!

- Here they come...

- There's a guy waving.

- You ready?

- There's a guy there waving at you.

Oh, my God, it's Melvin.

Hi, Melvin!

[Whistling]

What is this? Come down from there.

Come home, come on.

- You go home.

- Get outta here.

You're my wife.

You can't be working here.

- I get off in ten minutes.

- [Man] Sit down, buddy.

I'm not waiting. Come out of here.

[Woman screams]

[Woman] What's he doing?

[Music stops]

- Come on, let's go!

- I can't.

- Why not?

- I love to dance.

- OK, you wanna dance. Here.

- Oh!

Hey, get off the stage...

[screaming and shouting]

- How's Darcy, Melvin?

- She's all right.

- [Lynda] I'm sorry, Jerry.

- I feel for you.

But this can't happen in my place.

- I know. I was going to leave anyway.

- Good. OK, come on.

Let's go, girls!

Bye, Chrissy!

- Bye, Elizabeth! Thanks a lot.

- [Woman] Take care of yourself.

[Engine roars]

[Machinery roars and whines]

[# Henry Mancini and his Orchestra:

Windmills of Your Mind]

How are you doing?

Excuse me, Lynda,

there's someone here to see you.

What's the matter?

- What do you want, Mel?

- I don't want to fight or argue.

I'm complying with the law.

Notification of an Interlocutory Decree.

Final in six weeks.

- Oh...

- Keep your ring if you want.

Wait a minute, Melvin.

Melvin! You wait!

- What does it say about Darcy?

- I get custody, that's what.

What, you get custody?

You think I want her being

around a weird place like this?

- Oh, Melvin, Goddamnit!

- [Man] Lynda!

- Now take it easy, pal.

- All right...

Hey, don't hurt him.

Let me go. I'm leaving.

Make sure he doesn't come back.

Look, Lynda, I'm sorry,

but I can't accept this.

- Oh, never mind. I quit!

- That's great. Thanks, Lynda.

Two-bitjoint. Bye!

Bye, you take care!

[Shouting and whistling]

[Birds sing, dog barks]

# It's a bummer since we parted

# We had so much

we could look forward to

# Like getting drunk and petting

till our necks were blotchy red

# Then watch TV

and pass out at nearly two #

Where's the butter?

There it is.

Put that on, yeah.

[TV] OK, Rocky.

What do you think? $500, not bad, eh?

- I wanna go for the gate.

- You wanna go for the gate?

You'll have to kiss this little

chequey-wequey goodbye.

Goodbye, Mr Chequey-Wequey.

Ho, ho, ho...

There he goes. Welcome to Mr Pocket.

OK. Tell me, Rocky. Listen.

Which gate would you like?

Number One?

- Two? Three?

- [Darcy] Number Two!

- Number Two! Two...

- Three, Number Three.

- Three!

- Two!

OK, gorgeous guardians of Easy Street,

it's Gate Number Threel

Well, hey. I told you, didn't I?

[TV]... provide Rocky with interesting

subjects for her new Yashica,

a trip to Hawaii, on United Airlinesl

- United, the friendly airline.

- I'm jealous.

What for? Honey, that's great.

They'll go to Hawaii,

fly the friendly skies, lie in the sun.

You should be happy for them.

Wally's huggin' her. See her smile?

- Can I go and play?

- Yeah, turn off the TV.

Sure.

[Phone rings]

- Hello?

- Hello, Melvin.

- Hey, Lynda, how's it going?

- How's what going?

Well, you know, anything.

Whatever you got going.

Could Darcy come down and see me?

- Are you drunk?

- No, I'm not drunk.

Are you pregnant?

What do you mean, am I pregnant?

What do you wanna ask me that for?

How pregnant are you, anyway?

Tell you what. For your sake,

you'd better hope it's a girl.

- What are you talking about.

- I'm telling you, if that's a boy...

- Juice.

- Thanks, Mom.

...and it doesn't look like me,

you're both in big trouble.

- I just wanna see Darcy.

- Why don't you come out here?

- Where?

- Vegas.

[Melvin] We'll do it in Vegas.

I'll marry you there.

What do you want to marry me for?

You just divorced me.

Cos I want to, that's all,

I just want to. Right?

- Melvin.

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