Men in Black 3 Page #2

What you did to Wu back there.

Snatched his skirt off.

That's just disrespectful.

I used to play a game

with my dad:

What'll You Have

For Your Last Meal.

You could do worse than this.

Oh. Okay. Um...

I played a game with my dad

called catch.

Except I'd throw the ball

and it'd just hit the wall

because he wasn't there.

Don't badmouth your old man.

I'm not badmouthing him.

I just didn't really know him.

It's not right.

Damn right it's not.

A boy needs a father.

Table one hasn't ordered a thing.

Table three

just drank his fourth cup

of duck sauce.

[PHONE RINGING]

O:

K, the crashed ship

from this morning

was stolen from...

K:

Lunar-Max.

Boris the Animal.

How did you know?

He has a taste for Spiky Bulba.

Give us a minute, chief.

We're in a situation.

K:

Oh, yeah.

I take the Chloropod.

You take the Tarantabee

and the Hydronian over there.

I'll take the kitchen.

Meet you on the street.

This is a very confusing time

in my life.

[SCREAMS]

- Unh!

- Hey.

[WOMAN SCREAMING]

Shh, shh!

Keep your mouth closed,

keep your head down.

[CREATURE SNARLING]

Hi-yah!

[GRUNTS]

[ALIEN ROARING]

[WHEEZING]

[SNEEZES]

[YELLS THEN GRUNTS]

[ALIEN ROARS]

[ALIEN SHRIEKS]

[GROANS]

Ugh!

[RETCHES AND GRUNTS]

[SHRIEKS]

Hello, K.

Boris the Animal.

It's just Boris.

You haven't changed very much.

I see the arm I shot off is still shot off.

Yes, my arm.

We've thought about that moment

every day for the last 40 years.

Well, that's just not living a full life.

I can promise you

it will be longer than yours.

Lonelier too. Since you're

the last Boglodite standing.

We'll see about that.

But first,

I want the pleasure of killing you.

Yo, K.

- Where the hell have you been?

- Fishing.

[J & K SCREAMING]

[BOTH GRUNT]

You don't know it, K,

but you're already dead.

You all right?

[ALIEN ROARING]

May I have everyone's attention,

please?

Thank you.

You know how your kid won

the goldfish in that little baggie

from the fair and you didn't

want it in your house

so you told your kid it ran away

when you flushed it down the toilet?

Well, this is what happens.

Okay? See what I'm talking about?

Don't lie to your kids.

Man, I am getting too old

for this.

I can only imagine how you feel.

Boris the Animal.

I put him away a long time ago.

It's the worst mistake I ever made.

Why? Was he innocent?

Should have killed him.

- Well, sh*t, let's go get him.

- No.

- No?

- Leave it alone.

It's above your pay grade.

We have the same pay grade.

It has nothing to do with you.

Mind your own business.

Okay, first of all, let's get a little bit

of that bass out your voice.

Secondly, as long as Spikey Boy is

running around, this is my business.

You forget about Boris

or my report will reflect

that your conduct

has been unbecoming.

Well, maybe my report

is gonna reflect some sh*t too, K.

- You are suspended for two weeks.

- Bullshit.

Four weeks.

How about I quit?

K:
There are things out

there you don't need to know.

That's not the lie you told me

when you recruited me.

What up, pops?

- Lose your partner?

- Yeah.

WOMAN 1 [OVER PA]:

Next shuttle to Afazumba

leaving in 22 minutes.

[WOMAN 2 SPEAKING

IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE OVER PA]

J:

Search

Boris the Animal.

COMPUTERIZED VOICE:

Boris the Animal, Boglodite assassin.

Boglodites were a rogue alien race

that consumed all planets

in their path.

Boris the Animal

was the only suspect

in a series of alien murders

on Earth.

Incident report.

Boris the Animal was convicted

for the following murders

that occurred on July 15, 1969.

Murder number one: Coney Island,

10:
37 a.m. Roman the Fabulist.

Murder number two: The Factory.

Refine search.

Agent K.

Junior Agent K apprehended

and arrested

Boris the Animal on July 16, 1969,

at Cape Canaveral, Florida.

- Cape Canaveral.

- Agent K

received highest commendation

for heroic action,

including implementation

of the Arc Net Defense System

which protected the Earth

from Boglodite invasion

and led to the race's extinction.

Details.

Access restricted.

Excuse me? Clearance level

senior agent, class one. J.

Access denied.

What?

[WOMAN 3 SPEAKING

IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE OVER PA]

So why this sudden interest in

your partner's old exploits? Hm?

What happened between Boris and K?

That's easy.

K imprisoned Boris.

He put up the Arc Net.

He protected the Earth

from the Boglodites.

He did his job.

That's not what I'm asking.

Cape Canaveral, what happened?

Something that changed him.

Leave it at that.

Hm. So you two go way back, huh?

[COMPUTER BLEEPS]

That's classified.

A word of advice, Agent J.

Don't ask questions you don't

want to know the answer to.

That's funny.

That is exactly what K said.

He's a very wise man.

Take the rest of the night off.

[PHONE RINGING]

What?

Guess I owe you

some answers, hoss.

What, you're feeling chatty

all of a sudden?

I can't talk right now. I've got secret

cases of my own I'm working on.

I hate to tear you away

from your video game.

All right, I'm hanging up.

You know the most destructive force

in the universe?

Sugar?

Regret.

You don't have to wait. Just talk.

I promised you the secrets

of the universe. Nothing more.

So there's secrets out there

the universe don't know about?

[SIGHS]

[LINE DISCONNECTS]

[GUN POWERS UP]

[SCREAMS]

[GRUNTING]

GIRL:

Mommy.

Can I help you?

Uh...

K?

5K.

Uh...

I'm sorry, is that chocolate milk?

Can I...? I'm so sorry.

I don't know what...

GIRL:

Mommy, the president is drinking

...my milk.

- Mmm.

I'm sorry.

He didn't say please.

- K get in yet?

- Who?

You new?

Very funny, Agent J.

J, everything you told me

yesterday, you were right as rain.

- Thank God for that 10-hour stakeout.

- Who are you?

Exactly. I feel like

a whole new man today.

Like this great weight has been lifted.

I've had anger issues my entire life,

but now I see I was mad at myself.

And my stepmom.

Sir, I'm gonna need you

to stop talking.

It's like I closed

this emotional window.

But I threw a brick

through that window.

Thank you for handing me

that brick, J.

Whoever you are, give me five feet

or I'll pluck you in your throat.

I'm gonna go

to the little Men's-in-Black room,

then we'll go find those morons

from Pox Ethera. Lunch is on me.

Who was that?

Double A? Your partner.

Uh, I need you to go get me some

chocolate milk, all right?

Just a really big glass.

Have you seen K?

Did he call in sick

or anything?

Who's K?

All right, all right,

go ahead, go ahead.

K!

All right.

You got me.

I'll give it to you.

It's funny, very elaborate.

Oh, and all of you,

fantastic performances.

You waited 14 years

to develop a sense of humor,

but this is a good one.

But, K, I need you

to come out here now

because I'm starting

to get a little pissed off.

Agent J, would you mind

keeping your voice down

and telling me

who you're looking for?

I'm looking for K.

Who is K?

Unh! You too? You too.

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