Men in Black 3 Page #3

I mean, who is he to you?

My partner.

Older gentleman, 110,

maybe 111 years old.

Sort of a surly, Elvis thing happening

with him. He smiles like this.

Seen him around?

I'll take you to K.

Thank you.

[WOMAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY

OVER PA]

- What is that supposed to be?

- That's K.

He's been dead for over 40 years.

Okay, see, the prerequisite for a joke

is that it be funny.

It's never been funny.

Computer, Agent K

and Boris the Animal.

COMPUTERIZED VOICE: Men in Black

incident report, July, 1969.

Location, Cape Canaveral.

Perpetrator Boris the Animal

escaped and fled Earth.

Assumed to have returned to planet

Boglodotia 20 light-years away.

Agent K pronounced dead at scene.

Awarded posthumous commendation

for action which prevented

greater loss of human life.

That's not what happened.

I looked at this report.

K put Boris away...

- Agent K is dead.

- Well, I just talked to him last night.

- You are imagining.

- I'm not.

- I need a psych team up here.

- Yes, ma'am.

Aqua Velva aftershave.

I didn't imagine that.

Every stakeout,

endless hours of cowboy music.

Every morning with his coffee,

he'd say:

[IMITATING K] "I tell you something,

slick. This coffee tastes like dirt."

[IN NORMAL VOICE] And I was

supposed to say, "What do you expect?

- It was ground this morning."

- "This morning."

How do you know that?

Chocolate milk, sir?

Where you been, man?

It was like an hour ago.

O:

Wait.

How long have you been craving

chocolatized dairy products?

J:

Just today.

Are you experiencing headaches?

Dizziness?

- Loss of balance?

- Mm-hm.

Agitation? Depression?

Hell, yeah.

[SIGHS]

Two possibilities.

One is you've been bitten

by a Hovartian brain tick

and could die in horrible agony

at any moment.

[YELLS]

Damn it. It's not the tick.

"Damn it, it's not the tick"?

It's something worse than the tick?

Mm.

Your obsession

with chocolate milk indicates

that you might be involved

in a temporal fracture.

I don't know

what you're talking about.

Chocolate milk relieves

temporal-fracture headaches.

What's a temporal fracture?

A break in the timeline.

Don't know what you mean.

Time travel! Time travel.

There's no such thing

as time travel.

- Well, there is.

- No.

There's not.

Because if there were

a class-one senior agent

such as myself

would have been aware of it,

wouldn't he have?

Were it not classified

and way above his pay grade.

You know, I need a raise.

There was one man, scumbag,

Obadiah Price,

he figured it out, we busted him,

we made time travel illegal

throughout the universe

and he is serving life on Lunar-Max.

No... That's where Boris

was locked up.

Uh... If Boris worked out

how to time jump,

he could seriously change

the course of history.

[ALARM WAILING]

COMPUTERIZED VOICE: Attention.

Early-warning system engaged.

Inbound hostile warships

entering solar system.

Boglodite markings

and language detected.

Boglodite. Boris is a Boglodite,

but they're extinct.

Apparently not.

Catastrophic Earth attack imminent.

Put up the Arc Net.

- The what?

- The Arc Net. The defense system.

K got it for the Boglodites.

There is no K.

He's been dead for over 40 years.

No K. No defense system.

Boris jumped back and killed him.

If you wanna save the world,

stop that from happening.

You have to find Jeffrey Price.

He's Obadiah's son.

Let's hope the little squirt

hasn't skipped town.

ALIEN 1:
Good luck, J!

ALIEN 2:
This planet's toast. Ha-ha-ha.

How can I help you?

We're having an amazing sale

on batteries.

Whoa. Okay, we got other stuff,

like headphones, adapters or...

You helped Boris the Animal

time jump.

Whoa, whoa.

Okay, I had to. That dude's a freak.

He killed my partner.

I want to know when

and where you sent him.

What, you think I keep,

like, a logbook?

Huh.

J:

Target vector, July 16,

- 1969.

- All right.

That's a real bummer

about your buddy.

I'm sure he was a great guy.

But in terms of

the space-time continuum,

your friend was a little blip

on the historical radar!

Oh.

That's a big blip.

- Okay. What's the plan?

- You're gonna send me

back to July 15th, 1969.

No, that's a stupid plan,

because I sent Boris to July 16th.

I'm not worried about that one.

I'll kill the younger Boris

before the older one shows.

That way, neither of them

will even exist.

That's why you get to wear

the black suit.

No?

You're gonna leave me hanging?

Okay.

Oh, I just thought of something.

Even back then,

New York was like a big-ish city.

So how are you

gonna really find him?

On July 15th, Boris killed an alien,

Roman the Fabulist, at Coney Island.

You're gonna get there first

and be waiting?

Dude, they should give you

two black suits.

My man, for real?

Oh, right.

Sorry. Um...

This...

is the real deal. Time-jump gear.

Very rare, very old.

But first, we gotta get high.

Hey. No.

No. No, I mean, really high.

JEFFREY:
Unh! Hey,

man? A little help here?

Unh. Thank you.

Okay.

- You know the rules of time jumps?

- Give me the short version.

Okay. You wanna save

your partner, word of advice:

Stay away from him.

Yeah, got it. Stay away from K.

Just kill Boris.

Now, take these.

It gets pretty windy

on the way down.

The way down?

With eyes tearing up,

it's hard to read the dial.

Plus, it helps you look like a real

time traveler, which is cool.

I am not jumping off of this building!

Time jump.

Okay, now,

I gotta set this thing

to the 15th.

Uh, that seems

right-ish.

Now

all you gotta do is jump.

Hey, hey, stop. Stop it.

When you're moving

fast enough,

that circle is gonna fill up with

some sort of green time-travel liquid

and it's gonna glow

really bright.

As soon as that happens,

break that blue laser line

with your thumb

to complete the circuit.

At this height,

that should be, uh...

Let's see, mass of Earth and

30-something feet per minute...

It's 32 feet per second, per second!

That sounds right-ish.

So that would be, I guess, uh,

about two feet off the ground.

I break the laser line?

No, don't break it!

- No, when I'm fast enough!

- Sounds good!

Do I break the laser line

or do I not break the laser line?

Do not lose that time device

or you will be stuck in 1969!

It wasn't the best time

for your people.

I'm just saying.

It's, like, a lot cooler now.

How will I know if it works?

You'll either know...

or you won't.

You must really love this guy

to do this.

Oh, wait. How come I remember K,

but nobody else does?

Whoa! Whoa.

- That means you were there!

- I was where?

If you survive, you gotta come back

and tell me everything.

Where was I?

You gotta go!

Just go, go, go!

[ALARM WAILING]

[SIGHING]

[SHRIEKING]

Oh, no!

Heh.

Come on!

[MAN SCREAMING]

[PEOPLE CHEERING]

[SCREAMING]

[SIGHS]

[GASPS]

[GASPS THEN PANTING]

[CHUCKLING]

[TICKING]

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

[THE K GROUP'S "LOVE IS

STRANGE" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

# Love #

# Love is strange #

# When you leave me # #

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