Men in Black Page #11

KAY:

Why else would we hold it in Queens?

(another hallway)

Now left. More nonhumans arrive every

year. They live among us, in secret.

EDWARDS:

I see. Not to change the subject,

but when was your last cat-scan?

KAY:

Every six months; it's company policy.

EDWARDS:

Well, thanks for the very amusing

morning, but I'm hopin' you'll show

me where I came in? 'Cause this is

where I go out.

They have stopped next to an unmarked door. Kay throws it

open and steps inside.

KAY:

Yeah, sure, hang on, I wanna grab a

coffee while we're right here.

As Kay walks into the kitchenette, Edwards' jaw drops, his

eyes widen, and he stares in wonderment --

-- at THREE WORM-LIKE ALIENS standing around a water cooler.

Tall, impossibly thin, most certainly not from New York, the

aliens hold an animated conversation in a language that seems

like a combination of Esperanto and microphone feedback.

KAY:

(to the aliens)

Don't tell me we've only got that

powdered sh*t for cream again?

One of the Worm Aliens answers him in their native tongue

and points to the counter.

KAY:

Oh.

He finds the cream sitting out on the counter where the alien

indicated, dumps some in his coffee, and comes back outside,

closing the door behind him. He reaches up and gently pushes

Edwards' jaw up, closing his mouth.

KAY:

For future reference, this is a better

look for you.

CUT TO:

EXT. BATTERY PARK - DAY

EDWARDS, thrown for a major loop, sits like a zombie alongside

KAY on a bench in Battery Park. Kay drinks his coffee while

they talk.

KAY:

Any given time, around fifteen hundred

landed aliens are on the planet, the

majority right here in Manhattan.

Most aliens are decent enough, just

trying to make a living.

EDWARDS:

Cab drivers?

KAY:

Not as many as you'd think. Humans,

for the most part, don't have a clue.

Don't want one, either. They're happy.

They think they've got a pretty good

bead on things.

EDWARDS:

Why the big secret? People are smart,

they can handle it.

KAY:

A person is smart. People are dumb.

Everything they've ever "known" has

been proven to be wrong. A thousand

years ago everybody knew as a fact,

that the earth was the center of the

universe. Five hundred years ago,

they knew it was flat. Fifteen minutes

ago, you knew we humans were alone

on it. Imagine what you'll know

tomorrow.

EDWARDS:

So what's the catch?

KAY:

What you'll gain in perspective,

you'll lose in ways you're too young

to comprehend. You give up everything.

Sever every human contact. No one

will know you exist. Ever.

EDWARDS:

Nobody?

KAY:

You're not even allowed a favorite

shirt. There. That's the speech I

never heard. That's the choice I

never got.

EDWARDS:

Hold up. You track me down, put me

through those stupid-ass tests, now

you're trying to talk me out of it.

I don't get it.

KAY:

You got 'til sun-up.

EDWARDS:

Is it worth it?

KAY:

You find out, you let me know.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. BATTERY PARK - DUSK

Almost nighttime now, and the park is empty. EDWARDS is still

on the bench. And still thinking. Above him, the stars are

coming out.

Slowly, he looks up, into the vastness of the heavens.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. GARAGE - DAY

The next morning. A door opens on a garage and an ORKIN MAN

steps inside, carrying a tank of toxic gas. The morning light

spills on an abundance of spiders, crawling everywhere --

big ones, small ones, hundreds of them have moved in and

taken over this dusty place.

The Orkin Man sighs and sets down his tank.

ORKIN MAN:

Well, well, well. Movin' right in,

are we? Think we own the place?

He unfurls a hose from the side of the tank.

ORKIN MAN:

Got a little eviction notice for

you, boys.

He raises a mask to his face and unscrews the handle on the

top of the tank. LETHAL GAS starts to HISS from the end of

the hose.

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