Men in Black Page #12

VOICE (O.S.)

Just what exactly do you think you're

doing?

The Orkin Man turns around. EDGAR stands in the doorway to

the garage, staring at him disdainfully.

ORKIN MAN:

(shrugs)

Takin' care of your pest problem.

EDGAR:

"Pest" problem? "Pest?"

ORKIN MAN:

Yeah. You got a hell of an

infestation.

Edgar advances on him, slowly.

EDGAR:

You know, I have noticed an

infestation here. Everywhere I look,

in fact. Nothing but undeveloped,

unevolved, barely conscious pond

scum. So convinced of their own

superiority as they scurry about

their short, pointless lives.

ORKIN MAN:

Well -- yeah. Don't you want to get

rid of 'em?

EDGAR:

In the worst way.

Edgar lashes out quickly, jerking the mask off the Orkin

Man's face with one hand --

-- and shoving the gas hose down his throat with the other.

THE ORKIN MAN'S CAR KEYS drop to the garage floor, and Edgar

picks them up.

EXT. GARAGE - DAY

A six-by-ten sheet of plywood THUDS to the driveway outside

the garage.

EDGAR raises one end of it so it's hanging off the back end

of the Orkin man's van -- now it's a ramp.

He walks off and we hear that familiar SCRAPING sound again.

Edgar, GRUNTING with the effort, slowly pushes his spaceship

up the ramp and into the back of the Orkin truck.

CUT TO:

INT. MIB BUILDING - TUNNEL VENT ROOM - DAY

EDWARDS stands in the middle of the tunnel vent room, the

same one he first came into yesterday. The elevator doors

open and KAY, obviously summoned by the OLD SECURITY GUARD,

stands waiting for him.

EDWARDS:

One thing you gotta know right now.

Edwards walks briskly forward and gets in the elevator with

Kay.

INT. MIB BUILDING - ELEVATOR - DAY

Inside the elevator, the doors WHOOSH shut, KAY turns a key

in a certain floor number, and the descent begins. EDWARDS

continues.

EDWARDS:

All right. I'm in because there's

some next-level sh*t going on around

here, and I'm with that. Before you

beam me up, there are a couple of

things we need to get straight. You

chose me 'cause you recognize the

skills. So as of now you can cease

with all of that calling me "son" or

"kid" or "sport." Cool?

KAY:

Cool, slick. Now about those skills

of yours,

The elevator doors --

INT. MIB BUILDING - HEADQUARTERS - DAY

-- slide open on Men in Black headquarters.

KAY:

As of this moment, they don't mean

much.

It's unlike anything we've ever seen -- huge, multileveled,

of sixties design, polished steel and glass. The workplaces

are sleek and uncluttered, manned by both HUMANS and ALIENS.

Most of the Aliens stay in the background, like the UPSIDE-

DOWN GUY who walks on the ceiling, shuffling papers.

KAY and EDWARDS step off the elevator and onto a platform

that looks out over the whole place.

Kay leads him down into the complex. First, they walk past a

sort of passport control center, where a human BUREAUCRAT at

a desk is checking the documents of a line of ALIENS who've

just arrived. There are a dozen bizarre life forms in that

line, CHATTING in half a dozen different alien tongues.

Edwards slows as they pass, listening to the PASSPORT CONTROL

OFFICER as he addresses an ARQUILLIAN, a large, humanoid

visitor.

PASSPORT OFFICER

Purpose of trip?

ARQUILLIAN:

Diplomatic mission.

PASSPORT OFFICER

Duration of stay?

ARQUILLIAN:

Lunch.

PASSPORT OFFICER

Carrying any fruits or vegetables?

Edwards just stares, fascinated, but Kay grabs him by the

arm and hurries him along.

KAY:

Let's go. He's a little... grouchy.

Kay moves him into the central hall.

KAY:

A couple of hours wait after a 17-

light-year flight would get on

anybody's nerves.

EDWARDS:

What branch of the government do we

report to?

KAY:

None. They started asking too many

questions.

EDWARDS:

So who pays for all this?

KAY:

Oh, we hold a few patents on gadgets

we confiscated from our out-of-state

visitors. Velcro. Microwave Ovens.

Liposuction.

AT A STORAGE CAGE, Kay turns a key in the lock of a caged-in

area and throws the door open. Inside, there are piles of

sophisticated-looking devices stacked on shelves and

tabletops.

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