Men in Black Page #6

JEEBS:

Sure -- I'm a big crack dealer now.

I just work here because I love the

hours.

This pisses Edwards off. He grabs Jeebs by the collar.

EDWARDS:

(getting angry)

I'm talking about guns, Jeebs. High-

tech stuff.

JEEBS:

C'mon, Edwards, whatcha see is what

I got.

KAY (O.S.)

Why don't you show him the imports,

Jeebs.

At the sound of Kay's voice, Jeebs suddenly pales, a look of

fear coming over his face.

JEEBS:

H-hiya Kay, how are you?

KAY:

The imports, Jeebs. Now.

JEEBS:

You know I got outta that business a

long time ago, Kay.

KAY:

Why do you lie to me? I hate it when

you lie.

He pulls his own gun and aims it at Jeebs' forehead.

JEEBS:

Whoa, whoa, Kay, hold on a minute

here...

KAY:

I'm going to count to three.

Edwards, seeing that Kay is getting somewhere, joins in the

routine.

EDWARDS:

He'll do it, Jeebs.

KAY:

One.

EDWARDS:

I've seen him do it.

KAY:

Two.

EDWARDS:

Talk to me, Jeebs, he's crazy when

he's like this.

JEEBS:

He's always crazy.

(to Kay)

Take a cruise. Get a massage --

KAY:

Three.

KA-BOOM! Kay blows Jeebs' head off and Jeebs' body collapses

to the floor.

Edwards is shocked.

Edwards pulls his own weapon and points it at Kay's head.

EDWARDS:

Put down the gun and put your hands

on the counter!

KAY:

I warned him.

EDWARDS:

Drop the weapon!

KAY:

You warned him.

EDWARDS:

You are under arrest. You have the

right to remain silent.

KAY:

Will you relax?

JEEBS (O.S.)

(irritated)

Don't do that.

Edwards whirls around to see Jeebs' BODY, growing another

head. Only takes four or five seconds. Kay calmly shoves his

gun up against Jeebs' baby-soft new cheek.

JEEBS:

Do you know how much that hurts?

KAY:

Show us what you got, Jeebs. Or I'll

use up another one.

Jeebs, panicked, hits a button on the underside of the

counter, which promptly flips over, revealing yet another

dusty shelf, piled high with junk --

-- but this is all alien junk. Weapons, mostly, bizarre,

otherworldly weapons of all shapes and sizes.

KAY:

Edwards?

Edwards, still dazed by Jeebs' regrown head, glances down at

all the weapons.

EDWARDS:

Uh, this. This is what I saw.

Kay looks at Jeebs, pissed off.

KAY:

You sold a carbonizer with implosion

capacity to an unlicensed cephlapoid.

JEEBS:

He looked all right to me.

KAY:

A carbonizer is an assassin's weapon,

Jeebs. Who was the target?

JEEBS:

I don't know.

Kay raises the weapon again, threatening.

KAY:

Jeebs!

JEEBS:

I don't know!

Kay lowers his gun, gestures to the shelf full of weapons.

KAY:

This is all confiscated. All of it.

I want you on the next transport off

this rock. Or I'll shoot you where

it doesn't grow back.

Jeebs nods, point taken. Kay leaves.

EDWARDS:

Yeah. I'll be by tomorrow for those

Rolexes.

Shaken, Edwards follows.

EXT. PAWN SHOP - NIGHT

Edwards staggers out of the shop, trying to get the day's

events straight in his head.

EDWARDS:

The eyelids, fine... and the jumping

thing... and the gun... okay, but

the head?

KAY:

Searching for a handle on the moment

here? A place to file all this.

EDWARDS:

See a head doesn't do that, it doesn't

just grow back.

(looking up)

What's going on?

KAY:

Can't help you, kid. Only comfort I

can offer is that tomorrow, you won't

remember a thing.

EDWARDS:

Oh, no. This I'm gonna remember for

a long, long time.

Rate this script:3.8 / 4 votes