Mercenaries Page #2

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That paid even better.

You're all pieces of sh*t...

But today you're lucky pieces of sh*t,

Because Uncle Sam wants you.

Uncle Sam must be

really f***ing desperate.

The President's daughter

Was kidnapped by an

Amazonian she-b*tch,

And she has her hostage in some castle

In the backwoods

of Sh*t-hole-istan,

And she wants us to prop

her up as new head of state.

We're gonna tell her go to hell.

First, we need to get Elise back,

So this is the reason I'm

putting this team together.

Kat, long-range

interdictions, communications.

Mei-Lin, explosives.

Raven, close-quarters wetwork.

Clay, tactical training and command.

You get in, grab the

girl, get out. Simple.

Just the four of us? No backup?

Right.

Simple.

Sounds like a suicide mission.

Well, that's why we're

sending in you four.

Oh lovely.

What's the job pay?

We've been authorized

To give each of you a

full Presidential pardon.

And even you, Raven,

With potential to be reinstated

in your previous positions.

Of course, that's gonna depend

on the success of the mission.

How does that sound, Captain?

What happens if we say no?

Well, if you say no,

Then you go back to your hole,

And you serve the maximum sentence.

We might even put a few

more charges on top of that,

Depending on how vindictive

the President feels

When his daughter comes home

in several small packages.

So what's it gonna be, ladies?

When do we start?

We already have.

I brought you some food, hon.

Did the cook char your chicken?

May not be a state dinner,

But it's more than virtually

every resident here eats in a day.

You shouldn't waste it.

The United States doesn't

do any negotiations.

For the masses, no,

But for you,

The rules are different,

And there's virtually no price

Your father wouldn't

pay to get you back.

What makes you think

that he won't bomb you

Even farther to the Stone Age

if something happens to me?

So educated, yet so nave.

The bullying Americans

Invading another poor

nation for revenge?

Not in an election year.

The exit!

Now!

Silly girl.

Step away, or she's dead!

Try anything funny,

And I'll slit your throat!

Go ahead! Slit my throat!

I give you permission!

I am not fooling around here!

Neither am I.

Shut up!

I swear I'll do it!

Do it! Shut up!

Killing me is the only

way out of here! Do it!

Shut up!

How disappointing.

I promised not to harm you, not yet,

But you do understand that

insolence cannot go unpunished.

Someone else has to be

punished in your place.

No! Let me go!

Stop! No!

No. Please.

Please. No.

You remember this

Next time you try

anything foolish, b*tch!

Feel free.

No, uh, changing rooms?

Bashful, are we?

You want to unhook the back?

Ladies.

Better than prison jumpsuits, isn't it?

We put together something

special for each of you

That suits your individual tastes.

It's German-made,

Blaser R93 bolt action sniper rifle.

Shoots a .338 Lapua Magnum

with a five-round load,

Comes customized for you, Kat,

With a Harris bipod attachment,

And a 4-by-32 tactical

milled out scope,

With a ballistics computer

built into the optics.

Hmm. Twin Glock 19.

Can shoot nine-millimeter parabellums

In a 14-round clip.

Just the way I remember them.

Come to me, girls.

Triggers aren't broken in.

These aren't mine.

Your originals are in my office.

I had them made into paperweights.

No problem.

I'm sure I'll find a

way to break these in.

I'm sure you will.

ISA issue, Mark Four...

Mark Four demolitions package...

C-PAT microdetonators,

Proximity and radio frequency switches

And next-generation Semtex,

Moldable, concealable and undetectable

To all current bomb-sniffing tests.

Anything else?

What? No toys for me?

Ah, well, anyone can

tell you're a purist,

So we figured the best thing with

you was to keep things simple.

M-1911A1.45 Colt.

Old-school gun for

an old-school girl.

Woman. I meant woman.

Would you pull your shirt up for me?

What is that?

It's a universal access number.

You get into trouble,

you dial this number.

Any phone in the world,

it will ring back here.

This chip is undetectable

to any metal detector.

This may sting.

Ahh!

F***.

What happened to

old-school memorization?

Sh*t!

Unh!

Ladies, your carriage arrives.

That piece of sh*t?

Hey, you be kind to Lula, huh?

"Tajikistan Motoring Press"

Named her car of decade.

Heh. What decade? The eighties?

I am Vez, number one in

import, export to Ganzar.

You're a smuggler.

So was Han Solo.

The important thing is that he says

He can get you into the Citadel.

How? I have man on inside

Who will vouch for you.

He's second cousin to

third sister's husband,

But I know him like first cousin

To second sister's husband,

And for right price, he looks other way.

Any more questions?

Yeah.

What's to stop us from splitting

the moment we hit the road?

You mean, like the

micro-explosive that's implanted

Subdermally in your carotid

When you were all knocked out?

Are you serious? No.

We don't need insurance.

Look at you.

This is what you were built for.

Road to Citadel is

swarming with patrols.

Is best to go local.

Ohh! Oh, my God!

What is that? It smells like yak piss.

No, no, no, is not yak.

Is goat.

Do you really trust this guy?

As much as I trust you.

So what do we do with Ulrika?

Leave her. The brass wants to

ask her a few choice questions

Before they shove her

into a dark, deep hole.

Sorry to ruin your fun.

Elise is the objective.

Rescue her, and you're free.

The clock's ticking.

Hey, I driver.

I no porter.

You have song in America.

Is a Christmas song.

Is very stupid song.

Is, uh, Adolf reindeer with red nose.

You know this song, huh?

Is about mutant, uh, reindeer

With a bioluminescent nose.

He's outcast. He's freak.

All of the reindeer,

they make fun of him...

So let's pretend we're

real military again,

Chain of command and everything.

Let's rescue Princess Peach,

Let's get our pardons,

And let's just never

see each other again.

Fine by me.

Kat, run the crypto

check, pretty please.

Charlie 2-3, this

is Foxtrot 1-2.

Crypto check. Over.

Why are we slowing down?

It's Ulrika's patrols, eh?

Don't worry. I handle it.

No, no, no, no.

We keep it cool, all right?

We can't risk them...

We can't risk them calling us in.

Guns away. Hide your face.

Merchandise.

Merchandise? Mm.

Open it.

Hey. Heh heh.

See? Merchandise.

Oh.

I'm going to need to

sample your merchandise.

No, no, no, no, no.

You... You don't want this, eh?

These women, they're good

for housework only, eh?

They have, eh, disease.

Make your dick fall off.

Just a blow job, then.

I like this one.

Do you wanna give me a blow job?

I asked you a question!

Here's your f***ing answer.

Oh, sh*t! Americans.

Runner at 11 o'clock!

I got this.

Good shot.

Yeah.

It's Clay.

What's going on?

Encountered hostiles.

Our transport is out of commission.

We lost Vez and the contact.

Recommend we abort mission.

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