Merrily We Go to Hell

Silly people.

I don't like that fellow

with the little mustache.

Up and at

that mustache, men!

Got him.

Now that I know

you love me,

how about letting me

drive you home, huh?

Oh.

I'm sorry if

I frightened you.

I didn't know

anyone was out here.

Thank you.

May I?

Surely.

I'm a little drunk.

Will you excuse me?

I think everyone here is a

little drunk, but I'll excuse you.

Do you know who the gentleman was

that tried to kiss you just now?

That was Damery, you know,

the gossip clolumlist,

the glassup columlist,

the newspaper fellow.

If you'd let him kiss you,

you'd probably have read about it

in tomorrow's paper.

I wouldn't have liked that.

Wouldn't you like

a little drink?

No, thank you. Drinking

isn't one of my many vices.

Well, personally, I'm

going to stop drinking

next Tuesday afternoon

at 3:
00 sharp.

That make you feel better?

Much.

Enough better so that we

may introduce ourselves?

I'm sorry. I forgot.

I'm Jerry Corbett.

What's the matter?

Does the name terrify you?

I didn't mean

to look so stupid,

but I never miss

reading your column.

You write very cleverly.

Oh, yes, I'm so clever that I'm

one of the few drinking newspapermen

who can still

hold his job.

As a matter of fact, I've

almost finished a play.

Well, you shouldn't have gotten

me started on the subject of myself

because I can go

on and on for hours.

Supposing you tell me

who you happen to be.

Nobody. Just a girl

named Joan Prentice.

That means

you are somebody.

It means you're the daughter of

the gentleman who made millions

putting things

into tin cans

that people like me

take out of tin cans.

I see you

believe in signs.

Mmm-hmm.

And all the signs

point to three stars.

Will you excuse me?

Wouldn't you like to come

over here and sit down?

It's cozier, and then, too,

the drinks are handier.

Been having

a good time tonight?

I'm a little disappointed.

I expected to meet a lot of

interesting people and talk to them.

Most of them are too drunk to talk

intelligently or else they insult you.

Bob Noble's parties

are always like this,

except that you don't often

see such awfully fine hands.

Long, slender

and artistic,

and a diamond ring the size of a small

potato on the right little finger.

Awfully fine head,

hair like an Indian, fine, chiseled

features, clean-cut as a tomahawk.

Say, now I feel like

singing. Do you mind?

I don't know.

Wait until I hear you.

It'll be too late then.

First she gave me

gingerbread

And then she gave me cake

And then she gave me crme de

menthe for meeting her at the gate

Sing some more.

I like that one.

Do you?

I like you, too, Joanie.

I think you're nice.

Thanks. You mean, of course,

alcoholically speaking.

No. No, really.

I think you're swell.

I like your hands.

Gosh, they're swell.

Funny. Why'd I

let you do that?

Because I think

you're swell.

What's your name, Joan?

My name's Joan.

I mean your

telephone number.

Bittersweet 8100.

Come and have tea

tomorrow at 5:
00.

Hey, I'll be there early,

and I'll stay late.

You'll never

remember to come.

Sure I will.

It's late, Joan.

Don't go, Joanie.

Stay and we'll sing

a thousand songs.

I got millions

of them. Don't go.

Do we have to go, Greg?

I'd rather.

I want to get out to

the club early tomorrow.

I'll get my wrap.

I don't believe

we've met.

My name's Corbett.

What's yours?

Gregory Boleslavsky.

Hey, now wait a minute.

I asked you a civil question,

and I expect a civil answer.

You want a drink?

No, thanks.

No?

Well, that's right, don't.

It's a rotten bottle, and it's a

rotten label, and it's rotten whiskey.

No one should drink it.

Go on,

get out of here.

He is a good reporter, but

a very terrible tap dancer.

That's funny.

Our city editor says I'm a good tap

dancer, but a very terrible reporter.

All ready?

Yes.

Just a minute, Greg.

Good night, Mr. Corbett.

Who are you?

Nobody.

Who was that?

I don't know.

Well, merrily we go to hell.

Dad!

You know Jerry Corbett,

the boy I met last night?

Only what you told me

at breakfast.

Yes, and I thought

he wouldn't call,

but he did, and he's coming

to my party this afternoon.

You sure he won't

disappoint you again?

I tell you, he's coming.

Benson.

Yes, Miss Joan.

Benson, have we gingerbread, cake

and creme de menthe in the house?

We have cake and

creme de menthe.

I don't know

about the gingerbread.

Well, I want all

three served at tea.

Yes, Miss Joan.

What is it?

What happened?

Nothing happened.

Everything's heavenly.

First she gave me

gingerbread

And then she gave me cake

And then she gave me crme de

menthe for meeting her at the gate

I can't understand it.

I said about 5:
00, and

he said he'd be here then.

I wouldn't worry about a young

man who hasn't any manners

and quite obviously no taste.

I've no use for

him from now on.

I'm afraid I won't have any

use for your Jerry Corbett

if ever I have the

pleasure of meeting him.

I guess you'll never

have that pleasure.

Goodbye, Charlcie.

Goodbye, Joan.

I'll see you

to your car?

You're nothing

but an old rou.

We didn't have any

customers for our gingerbread

and creme de menthe,

Miss Joan.

No.

Does one ring a bell

or just walk in here?

It all depends on whether

or not one is on time.

I have an idea

you're Mr. Jerry Corbett.

Yeah. Yes,

have we met before?

I doubt it.

I never wait more than

five minutes for anyone.

If you step inside

I'll tell Joan you're here.

Thank you.

If you'll wait

in there, please.

Thank you.

Hello.

Wait a minute.

Don't tell me you

walk on this floor.

Sometimes it turns into a roller

coaster right beneath your feet.

Perhaps we'd

better sit down.

Thank you.

Father tells me

he met you at the door.

Yes.

Do you know, I think your

father's in love with me.

Why?

Because he seemed

upset when he saw me,

and it's always love

that upsets a man, you know.

Some of the biggest

and littlest men in history

have been upset by love.

I was one of the big men, of

course, when it happened to me.

By the way,

am I a little late?

A little.

I'd like to have had you here for the

party, but it really doesn't matter.

I think you're swell.

I'm beginning

to think you do.

You told me

that last night.

Well, just to prove

that I still think so,

would you like to take a little drive

with me and have dinner somewhere?

I'd love to.

Perhaps I ought to explain that my

car is yellow and has a meter on it.

I have a car.

Well, I didn't

mean that we...

I did. Let's go now.

I guess I didn't know

you walked on these floors

because most of the floors

I know have sawdust on them.

A gentleman wouldn't advertise

he was kissing a lady.

I was advertising the

finest of Prentice products.

That reminds me, it's high time

I bought you something to eat.

I'm not hungry.

Neither am I.

Do you always

make love to girls

when you take

them for a drive?

I don't often take

them for a drive.

I'm afraid, as a rule,

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