Merry Mavericks

How do you like that?

"Wanted for vagrancy".

- What's vagrancy?

- Boy, are you stupid.

You take a flower, and

it smells real nice.

That's vagrancy.

- We can beat that rap.

- You chowderhead.

Vagrancy is when you're

a hobo or a tramp.

Oh oh. We can't beat that one.

- There's only one thing left to do.

- Yes?

- We gotta pull up stakes...

- Yes?

- get out of town...

- Yes.

- ... and go to work.

- No.

Oh, you said a nasty word.

Now, listen, you nitwits.

There's a lot of rocks in this county...

and the sheriff just loves

to have guys like us...

make itty-bitty ones

out of great big ones.

- We gotta hit the trail.

- Where'll we go?

We're headin' west. There's

a beautiful little town...

about 40 miles from here

called Peaceful Gulch...

where you can lounge in the lazy sun.

The breeze blows over the open range.

The birds sing.

The bees hum.

- Get up, you guys!

- What's up?

The bees bit me or something.

Wait a minute. We gotta get going.

Here. We're headin' west.

That's Red Morgan and his gang.

Last night they robbed

the Express office.

Did they get the mine payroll?

No. I've got that in my bank...

but they'll be after it.

We've gotta find somebody

to run these hoodlums out of town.

There must be someone that...

I got it. Look.

We print this picture in the paper

and say they're three famous marshals...

coming to clean up the town.

It might work, and give me

time to get rid of the payroll.

- That's right.

- Uh-huh.

"Law officers on the way.

Famous marshal and deputies

expected soon to clean up the town. "

Hey boss, we'd better

call off that bank job.

We'll knock that job

over before they get here.

I wish you'd get a new

face. You scare people.

Boys, watch your chance to gun 'em down.

But remember:
they're killers.

Glad you got here so

soon. Welcome, pardners.

- Howdy, pard.

- Nice knowing you, stranger.

Glad to meet you gents.

My name's Cassidy.

- Cassidy?

- Do you suppose...?

What might your front name be?

Oh, shucks. Clarence.

Clarence Cassidy?

Don't sound quite right nohow, somehow.

Mr. Higgins'll be mighty

glad to know you're here.

I'm gonna go tell him right now.

I'm ridin'.

That's ridin'?

Never hurt none.

Hey, what's all this

talk about Mr. Higgins?

Oh, he must be batty.

Say, this is a dirty-looking place.

Maybe we can promote a job here.

Wait a minute.

They could use some good

cleaner-uppers. Come on!

- Who's the boss of this place?

- I am. Why?

Well, mister, we aim to do a

little cleanin' up around here.

Oh, no wait a minute.

Let's talk this thing over.

How about a drink first?

Well, we don't mind if we do. Come on.

Set 'em up, boys.

Go ahead.

Hello, handsome.

Did somebody come in?

Come on, big boy. Let's dance.

- I don't...

- Sure, you do.

Your partner's doing all right.

Left and right Come

back with all your might

Swing, swing

Excuse me while I cut in

on the light fantastic.

That's dancin'.

Have a drink. It's

on the house, partner.

Thanks. I reckon I'll have a bottle.

- Cuttin' in.

- Oh, pleasure.

- You dance divinely.

- Oh, thank you.

Wait a minute, you

earthworm. Get out of here.

I thought those hombres looked familiar.

Vagrants, huh? Show this to the boys.

Tell 'em to start shootin' when I do.

Vagrant! Try to fool me, will you?

Stick 'em up! Get over

there, you ornery sidewinder!

- Now I'm gonna let you have it.

- No. Wait.

Think of my family.

They'll never see me again.

They'll be heartbroken,

all of them. Yes, they will.

There's my ma and pa and grandpa

and grandma and all the kids.

I got a little golden-haired

sister looks just like you.

She's this high. And a

baby brother this high.

And a great big brother

that's this high.

All right. Don't move

a muscle, you guys.

I knowed there'd be a ruckus,

so I come back to take care of things.

- I reckon I'd have wiped 'em out.

- I reckon.

Well, let's get 'em along

to jail, where they belong.

All right, sister. Get going,

or I'll knock your brains out.

Hey! Is that a way to talk to a lady?

All right, sister. Get going,

or I'll knock your brains out.

- That's better.

- Go on.

All right. Come on up out of there.

Come on. Get a move-on here.

- Go on. Go on.

- Into the hoosegow. Come on.

Oh no, you don't! In here.

Hey, bud, you got a calendar?

Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

- What's the big idea?

- Come on. Get going here.

Boys, Mr. Higgins wants to see you.

He's moved the money

to the old Horton place,

wants you to guard it.

Right.

- A job's a job.

- Yeah.

Hi, Al. What kept you?

Higgins stashed the money

at the old Horton place.

They're guarding it.

Well, there you are.

You won't be bothered

here none, I reckon.

Folks don't come around much.

No? Why not?

Some foolishness about an old spook

supposed to hang out around here.

- Spook, eh?

- Yeah. Old Indian chief.

Years ago, Jeff Horton

blew the chief's head

off with a shotgun.

They said the old boy comes

back here lookin' for his head.

Well, I'll be seeing you.

Hey Moe, I don't like this.

Yeah. Suppose that old chief

comes back lookin' for his head.

Cut it out. That spook stuff

is all a lot of foolishness.

What's the matter? You scared?

- No. Just apprehensive.

- Oh.

That's a mighty fancy word.

What does "apprehensive" mean?

It means you're scared,

with a college education.

- Oh, you're pretty smart.

- Oh, yeah.

- What's that?

- That's a hand.

- Good. What's that?

- That's a fist.

- What was that?

- A punch in the eye.

Right.

Now, cut out this

nonsense and listen to me.

Larry, you take the

couch and get some sleep.

Go ahead. Shemp, we'll

take turns standing guard.

- Come on. Follow me. Get going.

- All right. All right.

Go on. Sit down and

keep your eyes open.

Gosh, I hope nothing happens.

You give me a pain.

What could happen?

Come on. Answer me that.

- What could possibly happen?

- Nothing, I guess.

Well, then, shut up.

We're as safe as a babe

in its mother's arms, I tell you.

Who is it? Moe? Shemp? Is that you?

If it ain't, don't answer me.

He came back! I saw

him! The Indian chief!

- The chief?

- Yeah.

What kind of nonsense is this?

I saw his head!

Where it wasn't...!

Oh, fine. You dreamed it, you birdbrain!

You go on. Get some shut-eye.

This fraidy-cat will stay here with me.

But Moe, I'm a fraidy-cat too.

Go on! Get going!

Moe, it was awful.

He was eight feet

tall, nine feet wide...

Oh, shut up. You make me tired.

Why don't you get yourself

a book and read it?

Improve your mind.

Oh, skip it.

Come on, you're blocking my light.

I'm sorry. I need this...

Hey! Let me out! Where's the light?

Guess I'll be safe in here.

Hey, wait a minute. I...

Moe, Larry!

Help, Moe, Larry! Let go of me!

Let go! Let go, I tell you!

Let me go! Let me go, I tell you!

Oh, it's only you!

Nice work, Pete. Where's the other one?

I don't know. Maybe Shotgun's got him.

That's all right.

These boys'll tell

us what we wanna know.

- Won't you, boys?

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