Metroland Page #2

a boulevardier

in the suburbs, is there?

No boulevards

for a start

and Acacia Avenue

doesn't have

quite the same appeal.

I tell you one thing

to be said in favor

of nuclear war:

At least this place

would go up in smoke.

Imagine that,

the whole of Metroland

disappearing in one

brilliant, blinding flash.

A million sand wedges

melted into scrap.

Smoldering mountain

of occasional tables.

Middlesex's topiary

incinerated in an instant.

Could you throw us

our ball back, please?

Talk to yourself.

Only the bloody English.

Tennis in the rain.

Tsk.

Poor sods.

Pathetic, isn't it?

And what will they all

end up doing?

Bank managers, the lot of them.

Oh, they can't all

be bank managers.

'Course they can.

Metroland was built

for bank managers.

Actual bank managers.

Retired bank managers.

Student bank managers.

Baby bank managers.

It's like

Invasion ofthe BodySnatchers.

Instead of aliens-

bank managers.

Yeah.

Not me.

Come on.

This one, Chris.

Come on.

God, you're ugly.

This one.

Monsieur, that is wrong, no?

Epaterla bourgeoisie?

Excusez-moi, monsieur.

Mon ami et moi voudrions

coucher avec votre femme.

Sorry, old man?

Nous passerons donc

la culbuter samedi

I'heure du th?

Parlez-vous anglais?

Non.

Je crois pourvoir

vous aider.

Je vais traduire

la question.

The young man

wishes to know

if he mi ght come to tea

on Saturday afternoon

with a view

to mowing your lawn.

Mm.

Merci, merci.

Those silly games

we used to play.

Those silly games

we used to play.

What's so silly

about them? Huh?

I mean, all ri ght,

we were childish about it

but at least

we had the right idea

sticking one up

the bourgeoisie's

fat, complacent bum.

Yeah, those were great days,

weren't they?

Great. Come on, man,

you're talking

like it was

a hundred years ago.

It feels like it was.

Does it?

So when am I going

to meet this Kally, then?

Kally.

We're having a party.

Why not come along?

Great.

Soon, yeah.

Just don't wear that.

I haven't been

to a party in ages.

You know what

it's like, having a kid.

No, I don't, actually.

So, are you in love

with her, then?

In love?

What?

What's wrong with that?

Oh, come on.

It's just the way you say it.

I mean, what,

you sound like my dad.

Yeah. I mean, yeah

things are going

all right with Kally

I suppose, you know.

She's a smart girl.

She's...

You'll like her.

Yeah.

We have a non-monogamous

relationship, man.

Really? Christ.

Is she all right

about that?

It was her idea.

I mean, neither of us

wants a relationship

based on possessiveness,

jealousy and that sh*t.

Hmm.

What, so you just,

you just go off and...

I just...

Yeah.

Whenever I feel like it.

So, you been unfaithful

to Marion yet?

You're serious?

Mm.

I'm very happy with my wife.

Are you?

No, I haven't been

unfaithful to her.

Oh, that was

interesting.

What was?

That strenuous denial,

you know.

I mean,

what does that mean?

"No, but I wouldn't

half mind a bit.

"No, but I, you know

nearly got some last week. "

No, it means no,

because I don't want to.

What about sex?

Plenty of sex.

All right.

I'm only asking.

I mean, I'm sure Marion

sticks her heels in your ears

and drains you as dry

as a loofah, but...

Kindly... Kindly keep

your disgusting similes

away from my wife.

Come on.

You're only human.

I mean, what,

you've been together, what

eight years now.

Don't you ever wonder

what it'd be like

to go to bed

with another woman?

Of course, um...

Of course,

but I mean everybody does.

That's-That's-That's

just fantasy.

That's nothing to do

with actual life. That's...

I mean, I don't

lie in bed thinking...

"Oh, Christ," you know

"I hope I have it away with

somebody else before I die. "

Hmm? And I would never

do anything to hurt her.

You might...

She might not mind.

Oh, we've won an award.

Yes, I have.

"Christopher Lloyd.

"Advertising Design Awards

winner, Gold Loom. "

Hey, now, now this is it.

This is more like it.

Yeah, I thought

you'd like that one.

I'm impressed.

It's not exactly, uh

Cartier-Bresson

though, is it?

Hey, you always were

a bloody good photographer.

Oh, not quite

good enough, though.

Ah, could have been.

You could have been.

Whatever happened

to that book

you was always going to do?

Do you remember?

Yeah, yeah.

Well, um...

I thought it was time

to get serious about the career

when Amy came along, you know.

It's still

on the back burner, though.

What's it about?

Well, it's, um...

It's really...

It's in here?

No, I'm not saying.

It's in here.

I'm sitting on it.

My God.

Christopher Lloyd's

deep, dark secrets.

No, no, don't, Toni.

No, leave it.

You'll only laugh.

What's the matter?

I won't laugh-

Chris, come on.

Friends since the cradle.

It doesn't matter

what it is, I promise you.

However ludicrous,

trivial, obscene...

I'm not going

to laugh, am I?

Let me see.

Watch out.

What I'm planning

is, a, uh...

a photographic...

history of travel in London.

You know, I mean

the premise being

sort of the extraordinary

within the ordinary, you know,

because everybody's

so familiar with,

you know, the trains

and they cease to see anything

special about it, really

but this is one of

the ideas I've got

for the cover

at the moment.

It's just a rough

thing you know, but...

F*** me.

An illustrated guide

to the Metropolitan Line.

Yeah, thanks, Toni.

What an enticing

prospect.

Thanks, you bastard.

Hey, come on.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, don't overdo it,

you know?

You know, it's just

one of a lot of ideas.

It's a great idea.

I'm really not

sure that it's...

I'm gonna do

that one yet.

I look forward to it,

honestly, all right?

What's happened to you, Chris?

What do you mean?

You know what I mean.

Punk concert?

Yeah. He's got a friend

in the band.

You hate punk.

No, I don't.

Yes, you do.

You know you'll hate it.

Anyway,

you're only going

because Toni

wants you to go.

I happen to be

very interested.

They might have

an age policy on the door:

"Middle-aged swingers

strictly banned. "

I'm not that old.

You know,

you've developed this

very annoying habit

of constantly telling me

how I should be feeling,

what I will and won't like.

I am capable

of independent thought,

you know?

How long's Toni

staying around this time?

I don't know.

He didn't say.

What's he living on anyway?

Dole and savings, I guess.

You know, he doesn't seem

to be short.

He's probably taking

that Kally woman

for all she's worth.

Well, that's a very...

aggressive way of putting it.

Just an educated guess

based on what

I know about Toni.

You've never liked him,

have you?

No, I like him.

I just don't have

a rose-tinted view

of him, that's all.

You can sound very cynical

sometimes, Marion.

Don't tell me

you've only just noticed.

Yeah, well, anyway,

I'm gonna...

I am gonna go to this gig.

It will be an experience,

you know?

It'll be something...

different.

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