Michael Moore in TrumpLand Page #5

people, Bernie people,

can't you say something

nice about Hillary Clinton?

Isn't this they

way we were raised?

Didn't your grandmother

tell you like she told me

"You can say something

nice about everybody

except Hitler and Matt Lauer."

(audience laughs)

Just to prove it to

you, I will start off,

I'll start off by

saying something nice.

I'll say three things

nice about George W. Bush.

Just to prove, just to

prove this can be done,

all right?

Number one,

I think he did a good job

raising those two daughters.

They seem like very fine women,

they seem to love their dad.

Number two, Bono.

Bono credits Bush with

breaking the log jam

and getting funds for

AIDS relief in Africa,

that Bush put a

whole bunch of money

into Africa for AIDS relief.

(audience applauds)

And number three,

um, he loves his dogs!

Yes, that's number three.

He loved Barney,

Barney loved him.

He was so good with those dogs.

Okay, there's three

nice things about Bush.

I've said them.

So, to say something

nice about Hillary.

We're gonna start with a man.

I filmed this

seventeen years ago,

I had a show called

The Awful Truth

on the Bravo network.

And, (audience

applauds) thank you.

It was during the

Lewinsky scandal,

and Clinton was being impeached,

there was a lot of speculation

that she might leave him.

And we had this

idea on the show,

that let's go out and

try and find her a date.

She deserves a date

with a nice guy.

If we have that ready in

the booth, can we show them?

This is 1998.

- [Reporter] We're

doing an interview

about Hillary

Clinton being single.

- Oh really?

- Yeah, what do you think?

- Well I think that

Hillary Clinton's

a hell of a good woman and

I hope she's not single

in a year and a half, I

hope they stay together

and I think they will.

I think she's very committed,

and I think he's very committed.

- [Reporter] You think that

she's not gonna be out having a,

you don't wanna date

her when she's single?

- No, I think that

she's very happy.

I hope she's very

happy with her husband.

and I think she understands her

husband better than anybody,

and I think she'll be just fine.

- [Reporter] So wow, okay.

- Okay?

- [Reporter] So

no dating advice?

- I don't wanna give

her any dating advice.

She's gonna be married

to our current president

for a long time.

- [Reporter] Alright, Donald.

- I hope.

- [Reporter] Thanks a lot.

I'll tell her you're

not interested.

- Tell her.

Have a good time.

- [Reporter] Bye.

- Well, I just left Michael

and he's a good man.

He's a good man,

he's done a good job.

- [Reporter] Yeah, okay, thanks.

- 'Kay, have a good time.

- Bye.

(audience laughs and claps)

- See?

See, he said something

nice about Hillary, and me.

Right, so if he can

do it, you can do it.

Anybody, just raise your hand.

Yes, go ahead.

She's overqualified.

Is that a nice thing?

Usually I'm, I used

to be told that

when I didn't get the job.

Right down here in

the center, yes, sir.

- [Audience Member]

She's super smart.

- She's super smart.

(audience cheers)

Over here.

- Hillary actually

knows where Aleppo is.

- Hillary knows where Aleppo is!

There you go!

Do we have anybody,

anybody from the

I don't like Hillary camp

that can say something

nice about her.

Yes sir, in the red.

(mumbles)

She's what?

She stood by her man?

Yeah.

(audience laughs)

How 'bout the Mexicans up there?

(speaking Spanish)

True, that's very true.

Let's check in with our Muslims.

How are they doing up there?

Okay, we'll have

to get that fixed.

So anybody else?

Come on.

Right down here in

the front row, yes.

- I think she's

every single thing

we say we want our

daughters to be.

She's smart, she works

hard, she's independent,

and she doesn't take

any sh*t from anybody.

- Wow, that was, that

was beautifully put.

Alright, right behind, yes.

Sir, right back there.

- I like her ads, she

really has fought for our,

- [Michael] You like her ass?

(audience laughs)

- Ad. Commercial.

- Her ads, oh, her ads.

- She really has

fought for opportunity for

kids for her entire life.

(audience applauds)

- Yes, that's very nice.

Alright let me say something

nice about Hillary.

I'm glad she killed

Vince Foster.

(audience laughs)

That's another knock on her,

she killed Vince Foster.

White House Deputy Counsel,

the Clintons had been

in there six months,

all of a sudden, a Sunday

morning he's found dead

in his car in a park on the

Potomac River,

bullet hole in the head and

a suicide note in his hand.

And ever since that, how long?

Right, those of us,

you're a little older?

Right, how long have we had

to listen to this, since 1993

that Hillary killed

Vince Foster?

I hope she did.

(audience laughs)

Because that's badass, man.

How'd she do that?

She must have jacked

his car at like

eight in the morning on a

Sunday before going to church,

shot him, written

that suicide note

like a Jon Benet type note,

put that it in his hand,

went back to the White

House for breakfast.

Bill had no idea.

Go on the Internet

tonight and type in,

Hillary and murderer into Google

and see what comes

up, seriously.

She has killed 46 people.

46 people.

With her own bare hands.

Ladies and gentlemen,

this is who I want for

commander-in-chief.

Somebody who's not

afraid to kill somebody!

We haven't had somebody

in the Oval Office

who has killed somebody

since Ulysses S. Grant.

ISIS is going to sh*t

if she's president.

And you know what

the jihadist rule is,

it's not martyrdom if

you're killed by a woman.

If a girl kills you, you

don't go to paradise,

you don't get the 72 virgins,

it's like you're in a permanent

high school cafeteria table

all alone with the rest of

the cafeteria mocking you

cause a girl killed you.

Listen you don't want the

70-year old out of shape guy

who's had nannies and

servants his whole life.

You want somebody who, in

the middle of the night,

as commander-in-chief, will

parachute in with Delta Force

and slit the throats of

two-dozen terrorists

in their sleep.

(audience applauds)

Yeah!

Um, I got a surprise

for you tonight.

Um, someone from the Trump

campaign

has leaked us a copy

of their new ad.

- [Narrator] The diseases,

she's had them all,

pneumonia, hypothyroidism,

allergies, yeast infection,

urinary tract discomfort,

pregnancy, childbirth,

time-of-month disorder,

bleeding from wherever disease,

and menopause.

Do you want a commander-in-chief

whose lady parts

are out of control?

Or do you want a

fit, buff leader

who will be the

healthiest president ever?

Ever?

Even healthier than

Teddy Roosevelt,

and he was shot in the chest.

Yes, there's only one

candidate this year

healthy enough to spawn an

entire new breed of humans.

Vote Trump, he never gets sick.

- Well I could stand in

the middle of 5th Avenue

and shoot somebody, and I

wouldn't lose any voters, okay?

- [Narrator] Now that's sick.

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