Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life Page #8

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- What?

It's a Japanese war cry.

"Begin the attack!"

All right, guys, come on!

Vamonos, muchachos!

Smile!

Oh, crap.

Rafe, come on!

It might not be that bad!

Babe. What's going on?

He won't come out of his room.

Seriously?

Yeah.

All right. Well, look...

You go do whatever you gotta do,

and I'll take care of this.

Really?

Yeah.

Good luck.

All right.

Reveille! Let's go, turd!

Come on, let's go.

Count of three,

or I'm coming in, I swear!

One...

Two...

Good.

I wanna come in.

It tingles!

Now it burns!

You gotta be kidding me!

What is that made of?

Oh...

Unbelievable.

Ah! He's not even in here!

Oh, great.

Now I gotta go out

and look for these little snots?

That's just what I wanna do.

No, no. Come on!

Oh.

What's wrong?

She's missing.

The baby's gone.

Oh, no. That's what

you're so upset about?

Yes!

Well, don't worry.

She probably

went to a friend's house.

I'll give Georgia a call.

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about?

My car!

It's missing! Yes!

Your car?

That's what you're so

worked up about? Yes!

You know what?

I must have been insane

not to see what a self-centered

jerk you really are.

Excuse me, I've got to go

find my kids.

No, no, no!

Oh, my beautiful bush!

What did they do to you?

Oh, no!

No, god, no! Oh!

What are all the desks

doing out here?

I don't know.

What do we do?

Pencils up!

Act like this is

part of the plan.

Never show weakness, Ida.

There's no sabotaging

the b.L.A.A.R.

And...

Begin!

"True or false...

"22 hills village students...

"Were suspended

in order to rig this test?"

Hey, rule number 13,

"no talking during a test."

What's the problem here?

Well, it's just these

questions are kind of weird.

Weird?

What do you mean, weird?

Oh...

These are pretty weird.

Hey. Just by a show of hands,

how many people have a test

that starts with the question,

"true or false,

"principal Dwight

has three nipples"?

Well, that's a lot of you.

Well, it's false.

Put false!

I was born without nipples,

for your information.

And it looks beautiful.

Where are the real tests?

Hey!

Looking for these?

Blaarches!

Principal Dwight is a hypocrite

who likes to make the rules,

but thinks he's too good to

actually follow them himself.

We have proof

that he planted evidence

in his own students' lockers.

I have had

just about enough of you!

No bike riding on campus.

I'm confiscating this.

Get off! Get off of it!

How are you so fast?

Spin class.

Four nights a week.

Sometimes five.

What's that's smell?

Just the same crap Dwight's

been shoveling at us.

Ugh! Gross!

Can't this thing go any faster?

Hey, that's my lunch!

Time to get in the game.

You're gonna need a bigger bike.

Ahh!

Ah!

Tech support.

Ahh!

Oh, no.

Thought you could

get away from me, huh?

Oh!

Oh! That's disgusting!

What's going on here?

It's all on this tape, ma'am.

Don't pay any attention to him.

He's a jerk.

Superintendent, Rafe is

a smart and talented kid.

He deserves to be heard.

He's actually not that smart.

He's pretty dumb.

I've seen his records

from his previous schools.

This kid tests like...

What is this obsession

that we have

with testing

and categorizing our kids?

I literally have no idea

what you are talking about.

If we keep cramming standard

tests down our kids' throat,

we're gonna end up with

a bunch of standard children.

I don't know what stinks more,

your attitude or my suit.

And that's really

saying something,

because my suit

is covered in poop.

Nobody cares

what you think anyway.

I do.

She does.

Mr. teller here has logged

a formal complaint

saying you rigged this test

and he's been unlawfully fired.

Now let's see that tape.

Yes, ma'am.

And the rules clearly

state that I have the right

to a full hearing.

Rigging state tests

is a serious offense.

You're done here.

I'll make sure you get

your full hearing, Dwight.

Take this.

In a court of law.

Let's get out of here, Ida.

Thought you'd never ask.

Ah.

Green this time.

Georgia!

Hey, mom.

I've been looking

all over for you.

What have you been doing?

Mom?

Come here.

Oh!

Oh, man.

You little snots are gonna

pay for this!

No, I'll pay. With this.

And keep the change.

I hear pier one's having

a sale on animal prints.

I know you're saying that

just to be hurtful.

But let me tell you something.

I get Google alerts

from pier one,

so I already knew

about the sale.

Joke's on you.

You know, it's just sad.

It's sad that some people, you,

can't handle all this

concentrated awesomeness

me!

Come on, guys, let's go.

I'm Audi 5g.

Leo!

Dude, I didn't think

you were gonna make it.

Are you kidding?

I couldn't miss the thrilling

conclusion of operation r.A.F.E.

And...

I couldn't leave

without saying goodbye.

Goodbye? Why are you

saying goodbye?

Things are just

starting to get good.

Listen...

I was just hanging around until

you made some real friends.

Yeah, because of you.

I wish I could take that credit,

but it was all you, Rafe.

I'm gonna miss you.

I know.

Awesome!

You drew me

a Vinlothian space cruiser?

You know what?

I guess that's my ride.

Hey, Rafe,

grak-tung!

Grak-tung!

I've heard you say that before.

What does it mean?

Uh... it means,

"victory is ours."

Well...

Almost.

What?

I don't wanna ruin your sense

of accomplishment,

but you didn't break every rule.

Rule 86.

Way to go, bro.

Yuck.

Grak-tung!

Oh!

B.L.A.A.R.

Hey, come on!

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