Midnight Page #7

with my unappy marriage.

I... Forget

what I said.

Oh, do tell us, please!

Go on, please!

It seems so disloyal

to poor Tibor.

Well, you can't stop now!

No. If you do,

it'll kill Marcel.

All right.

When I married,

I didn't realize that,

in the Czerny family,

there was a streak of...

Shall we

say eccentricity?

And yet

I had warning.

Why else should

his grandfather have sent me,

as an engagement present,

one roller skate

covered with Thousand

Island dressing?

What?

Of course, of course.

I'd forgotten.

The Czernys, they're all like

that. You know, I met an old

aunt. The Countess Antonia.

I thought

she was an Indian.

Turned out she used paprika

instead of face powder.

But your husband seems quite normal.

Oh, he is, for long stretches,

and then comes one

of his attacks.

This morning was typical.

Waking up and imagining

we had a daughter.

And a daughter

with measles, too.

One mustn't

contradict him,

of course.

Does he get

violent if you do?

Oh, yes. He breaks things

and eats them sometimes.

Well, I used

to do that.

And you have put up

with this for years?

I came to Paris

this time to get away,

but he followed me.

Once before I tried.

I was hiding in Capri.

He made a violent

entrance into the hotel,

disguised as a fisherman,

and tried to have me

shot as a spy.

At least

he has imagination.

But there are moments

when he's so sweet.

One can't help

loving him.

You're wonderful!

Isn't she?

Amazing!

A taxi. What's

a taxi doing here?

Oh, the driver must

have made a mistake.

You don't suppose...

Oh, no, it can't be.

We're all with you.

Let's call a doctor.

Oh, no, no, no.

That would be

the worst thing.

Well, what do you

say to this?

Why, Baron!

Do I look

like a Baron?

Tibor. Now, Tibor.

Come on,

tell them who I am.

He's not a Baron,

he's a taxi driver.

Well, isn't

that interesting.

Nothing keeps one out

in the air so much,

does it?

Except, perhaps,

being a fisherman.

How long have you

been driving a taxi?

Four years,

the Gare de Lyon district.

If one of your limousines

breaks down, you might

call on me sometime.

Tibor!

I imagine this

is the first time

your chateau has entertained

a member of the working class.

Well, times have changed,

haven't they?

Now, what would you

like for breakfast?

Nothing.

I have a few more things

to tell you, then you

can throw us out of here.

Tibor, look at me.

Look straight into

my eyes.

Let me hold

your hand.

It's too late now!

We'll make

a clean breast of things,

whether you like it or not!

Let go of that woman's hands.

You notice I didn't say,

"My wife's,"

because she's

not my wife.

Oh, Tibor.

Well, are you?

No, Tibor.

She's a spy.

A what?

She's an American gold digger

I picked up in Paris less

than a week ago.

Right?

Yes, Tibor.

Without a sou

to her name!

No, Tibor.

But there was

something about

her nose,

and the way the raindrops

trickled down it from

that newspaper.

Newspaper?

Yeah, she was wearing

one instead of a hat.

Oh, yeah.

Yes.

She twisted me

around her finger

in two minutes.

I was crazy about her.

She made me think

she felt the same

way about me

until she remembered

she had other fish to fry.

Fish like you. Goldfish!

Oh, please,

Baron Czerny!

I'm not a Baron!

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Please have a little

bite of breakfast now.

Yes.

You'd better.

We're all going to ride

cross-country this afternoon.

What's the matter

with all of you?

Why, nothing at all.

You all act

as though nothing

had happened.

Well, Tibor, what

has happened?

What's happened?

Didrt you hear what I said?

I wasn't fooling!

We're a pair of impostors!

You don't want us

around here!

They're terribly

broad-minded people, Tibor.

What are you

smirking about?

Now, stop it.

Don't talk like that

to your wife.

She's not my wife!

Havert you heard what I said?

Are you all deaf,

or are you crazy?

You're the one

who's crazy, Czerny.

We know all about it.

Oh, so that's it.

Oh, my china.

He'll eat it!

No, no, don't hurt him!

Don't hurt him!

Oh, no!

That's enough,

that's enough.

Oh, Tibor!

Come, my dear.

But, Jacques,

he's her husband.

Not from now on.

I'm taking care of that.

She's going to marry me.

aren't you, darling?

He's cut!

He's bleeding! Look!

No, no, that's just

the gravy from

the kidneys.

How is he?

Fine. Pulse

like a trip-hammer.

Here, I'll do that.

No, no, no,

I'll do it. Here.

Skipper.

You know,

you better

leave the skipper to me.

I'll see he gets back

to Paris all right.

I'll give him

a few thousand francs.

He deserves it.

His performance was

extremely helpful.

Are you and Jacques

planning an autumn wedding?

Nice kind of marriage.

As we turn from the altar,

I start explaining,

I suppose.

My dear, you know it's

amazing how little one has

to explain to a man in love.

And when he stops

being in love?

Well, that's when

the alimony'll begin!

Now, don't be

soft-hearted.

Remember, every time

somebody orders champagne,

Jacques' income bubbles!

Yeah. Listen,

you've always heard

it's hard to be honest.

Let me tell you,

it's a cinch.

What's tough

is to be a good,

competent crook.

Leave me alone

with him.

All right.

I'll be outside

if you need me.

Are you feeling better?

It's all right.

It's me. It's Eve.

Where are we?

In the chateau.

You got hit on the head.

Oh, yeah. You told

them I was crazy.

You'll feel better

on the way home.

Home? It'll take

two men pushing

and two men pulling

to get me

away from here.

Oh, but I'm

going with you.

Going where?

Back to Paris.

Isn't that what

you came here for?

To take me away?

What's the catch?

Oh, now,

you can't back out now.

You told me I could stay

in that apartment of yours.

Well, I'm moving in.

What's come over you?

I tried to be practical,

but it's no use.

I just can't be.

Come on, get up.

How's your head?

It's bursting,

thank you.

Oh, you poor darling.

What are you being

so sweet about?

Well, it's all my fault.

Oh, it didn't

work, huh?

What?

Your... Your little

stunt downstairs.

Come on, Skipper.

Now, are you coming?

No! It's too bad

you didn't land that

fathead Jacques Picot.

He's not a fathead.

Why, because he

found you out?

I can tell when a Baroness

has had a swift kick!

Listen, you big idiot.

Jacques Picot just

proposed to me.

Are you surprised

somebody else wants

to marry me?

You said no,

I suppose.

I said nothing,

but if you keep on,

I'll say yes.

That's fine!

That's where

I step in.

What can you do?

Don't forget,

you're married to me!

I'm not married to you.

Jacques Picot

thinks you are.

You're in a fine mess.

You've got to get a divorce

from a man you aren't

even married to.

All right,

I'll get a divorce!

Just try it!

Watch me.

Well, is it settled?

Except for

a small formality.

Where are you going?

My address is

143 Rue Martel.

You can serve me

with the papers there!

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