Midnight Page #8

What happened?

Nothing at all.

All we need now

is a good lawyer.

JUDGE:
So thereupon

you filed an action

for divorce.

You didn't like the color

of your wife's hair,

I suppose.

Your husband forgot to put

the top on the toothpaste

tube, perhaps.

Well, that's not

what the courts

of France are for!

We don't regard marriage

as a vaudeville

that you leave

when you cease

to be amused.

This isn't the United States

of America, nor is it

the city of Nero, Nebraska.

It's France!

You've let a little matter

of personal antipathy

interfere with your duty

to your country.

Go home. Case dismissed!

I'm sorry we're

before this judge.

He's a little heavy-handed.

If he ever finds out,

I'll be disbarred.

How are your jails

in France?

Don't worry.

What if Czerny decides

not to play ball?

I came up in

the elevator with him.

He was very friendly.

Especially when I suggested

a financial arrangement if

the divorce goes through.

You shouldn't

have done that.

He's not the kind

of man you can buy.

The next case on the calendar.

Action for divorce,

Czerny against Czerny.

Everything will be

all right, darling.

I hope so.

I know it will.

In half an hour

you'll be free, and

in a week we'll be married.

You're holding up

the proceedings.

Let me see. In this action,

Madame Czerny is

represented by...

Matre Lebon.

And the defendant

Baron Czerny?

This is a Republic.

I prefer to be known

as Mr. Czerny.

Good.

Who's your lawyer?

I shall look out

for my own interests.

Among your papers,

I don't seem to find

the marriage certificate.

There is none.

But if the court wishes,

we will put on the stand

a witness from the

Chinese Consulate

to prove that the hall

of records in Shanghai

was bombed and

destroyed in April, 1937.

Married in Shanghai,

were you?

I admit the marriage.

Well, you'd hardly be

asking me to divorce you

if you'd never been

married, would you?

Your grounds for

asking this divorce are?

Mental cruelty.

Oh, that again.

Suppose you describe

this mental cruelty?

May it please the court,

my client can testify

under oath

that, in all the time

she and the defendant

have been together,

he has objected to

every one of her actions.

During that period,

he tried to break up

every friendship she formed.

He had frequent violent

attacks of jealousy.

He used abusive language

when alone with the plaintiff,

and in the presence

of others.

What language?

He... He called her

a gold digger for one thing.

Oh, I've had enough!

This is a familiar

picture to me,

and I find it deplorable

that in a time of vast

world unrest,

two grown-up people

are unable to iron out

their own

childish, finnicking,

imponderable squabbles.

There's a very healthy law

in Albania, I think it is,

that a husband may bring

his wife back to her senses

by spanking her,

not more than nine blows,

with any instrument

not larger than a broomstick.

What do you say to that?

You mean...

I say

it's a fine rule.

A husband should

have that privilege,

and no wife would resent it

if she knew

he loved her.

Did he ever say,

"I love you"?

Not once.

Not when I was ready

to give up everything

and scrub floors for him

if that was necessary.

Oh, I was wrong

in the beginning,

I admit that.

Then I came to think

he was the only thing

that mattered.

I didn't care what

he had or who he was,

a Baron or a gutter sweep.

Is that so incredible?

Wouldrt you believe

a woman if she said it?

If she stood

like a beggar

with a tin cup,

waiting for you

to drop in

three little words,

"I believe you,"

or "I love you," or

anything warm and human.

Do you know

what he said?

He said, "Is that so?"

And he said it with

a smirking, cynical grin.

Do you know

what I call that?

Mental cruelty!

Thank you,

Your Honor.

As a judge who

has been sitting on

this bench for 35 years,

I want to say that

is as sincere a plea

as I have ever heard.

My eyesight isn't

what it once was,

but I can still see

it's made by a very

beautiful woman.

She is still your wife.

Before the law

grants her,

her freedom,

you have the right

to answer her accusations.

No answer.

In other words, you're not

contesting this divorce?

I am not.

You mean you're letting

a woman like that slip

through your fingers?

Don't you want

to say something?

I just want

some water.

I'm not a waiter,

young man.

As for this divorce,

before judgment

is pronounced,

there's a formality provided

by French law.

Will the husband

and wife retire to

the reconciliation room?

The law compels them

to spend 15 minutes

alone together.

A last chance to talk

things over and reconcile

their differences.

That door over there.

It's a waste of time.

It's a confounded nuisance,

but it's the law.

Do you think she's safe

with him alone in there?

We'll hear her

if she screams.

This means the end

of Jacques as

an extra man.

Do you mind

very much, Helene?

Surprisingly little.

Well, 15 minutes to kill.

Better sit down.

I'll stand,

thank you.

You're not cross,

are you, Baroness?

You're the one that

wants this divorce,

you know?

So, you took money, huh?

I thought money didn't

matter to you. No, of course

it didn't. In small sums!

You and your principles.

I thought you were going

to fight. You practically

threw me at his head.

Well, you picked his head.

You had to pick

a fat one, too,

otherwise your nasty

little trick wouldn't work.

Well, maybe

it was a dirty trick,

but I'll make it

up to him when

I'm his wife.

Say, have you

a mirror?

Thank you.

What are you doing?

Shaving.

Here?

Well, why not?

Are you crazy?

That's what you

said, didn't you?

I left the water

outside. Pardon me.

Oh, Tibor, stop it.

I forgot the water.

I'm sorry.

Wonderful stuff.

It works just as

well with cold water.

Young man,

are you insane?

Oh, I get very cross

when people say

that to me.

I'll see you later,

Your Honor.

Essential information

has been withheld

from this court!

I want witnesses as to

the mental condition

of the defendant!

You! You!

You are his friends!

You knew this?

If it please the court,

it's not a violent case.

It is just that he thinks

he's a taxi driver or

a fisherman now and then.

MAN:
The judge wants

to see you at once.

Here it is.

Come on.

Quiet, everybody.

Young woman,

you almost succeeded

in wheedling this court

into what would have been

a serious miscarriage

of justice.

According to

the wise provisions

of the French law,

no divorce can be granted

where either party is

mentally unstable.

Go home with your

unfortunate husband,

young woman,

and get it out of your head

that you can ever get rid

of this man. Ever!

Divorce refused.

Case dismissed.

Don't worry, darling.

We'll get you a divorce

in Mexico or in Russia.

Anywhere.

No, Jacques.

Of course we can.

It's simple.

Jacques, you've had

a stroke of luck.

What do you mean?

You mustn't ever get married.

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