Midnight In The Garden Of Good And Evil

Quit eyeballing me, Flavius.

I knew you when you was

a two-bit hustler on Bull Street.

JOHN:
Excuse me!

Where can a fella get a cab?

DRIVER:

He just left.

You can call the company, but I's you,

I'd wait on him to come back.

DRIVER:

'Less you want to take a ride.

JOHN:
You going to Jones Street?

DRIVER:
I'll get you there.

DRIVER:

Put your stuff in there.

(DRIVER OVER SPEAKER)

To your right, Pirate's House...

...built in 1794.

All the ne'er-do-wells and scalawags

divided up their booty there.

Sherman stayed

in the Green-Meldrim House...

...to rest up

after his fiery march through Atlanta.

He was going to burn Savannah...

...but the locals drowned him

in Chatham Artillery punch...

...and fancy parties till he decided...

...to spare our fair city.

Forsyth Park, ladies and gentlemen.

Hey!

You looking for something?

No.

MRS. BAXTER:

Mr. Kelso?

MRS. BAXTER:
Are you Mr. Kelso?

JOHN:
Yes.

I'm Lorene Baxter.

Welcome to Savannah.

Town & Country

is my favorite magazine.

Oh, my land, where are my manners?

What can I get you to drink?

Anything cold would be great.

MRS. BAXTER:

Mr. Williams restored this home.

One of the many he saved

from the wrecking ball.

MRS. BAXTER:
The carriage house

is reserved for Jim's clients...

...and guests, such as yourself.

RECEPTIONIST:

He's here.

BETTY:

Welcome, Mr. Kelsy.

BETTY:
I'm sorry, Mr. Kelso?

JOHN:
John Kelso.

Yes.

I'm Betty Harty.

BETTY:

Sonny's been expecting you.

JOHN:

I'm here to see Jim Williams.

BETTY:

Sonny's Jim's attorney.

SONNY:

Well, hell...

...come on in, coach.

John Kelso.

Welcome to the old curiosity shop.

Take a seat.

SONNY:

You let me know.

SONNY:
How was your trip?

JOHN:
Fine. Mr. Williams said...

He will be right along. We have

a little business to attend to first.

Confidentiality agreement.

Just boilerplate stuff.

Plus a paragraph...

...outlining Jim's editorial privileges.

Town & Country flew me down to write

a 500-word story on a Christmas party.

It's a literary postcard.

Are you serious about this?

It's not just any party.

Have you asked the magazine?

I'd rather have your word

than some New York lawyer.

Be that as it may...

...I'm not going to sign that.

Damn!

How come?

It's just a little old party write-up.

All the more reason

not to compromise my ethics.

As a professional,

I'm sure you understand.

Promise to be fair?

Yes, of course.

SONNY:

Jim...

...this is John Kelso.

Hello.

Let's take a walk,

shall we, sport?

JIM:

We'll go around Forsyth Park.

BETTY:

Would y'all mind...?

JIM:

Not at all, Betty.

JIM:

Come on.

Did you sign Sonny's papers?

Actually, no.

Good for you. Sonny's

overly protective of my interests.

- Still walking the dog, Mr. Glover?

MR. GLOVER:
Yes, sir.

Patrick do love his morning walk.

WOMAN:
Would you mind? Could I please

have my picture made with Uga?

WOMAN:

Great.

WOMAN:

Thanks.

JOHN:

All right. Smile.

WOMAN:
Thanks.

Dang good dog.

WOMAN:

Thank you very much.

JIM:

Thank you for asking.

No matter what you and I ever do

in our lives, Mr. Kelso...

...neither of us

will be as famous as Uga.

JIM:

He's the university mascot.

JIM:
"The Georgia Bulldog."

JOHN:
Is that right?

JOHN:
I know I'm going to regret asking,

but that man said he was walking a dog.

What dog?

Mr. Glover was the law firm porter.

JIM:
Mr. Bouhan said in his will that

Mr. Glover should continue to be paid...

...$ 15 every week for walking Patrick,

his Labrador.

So...

...where's Patrick?

Patrick went on to his great rewards

- The dog's dead.

- Quite.

JOHN:

Why doesn't Mr. Glover walk Uga?

Well, then, who'd walk Patrick?

JOHN:

I see.

JIM:
There it is.

JOHN:
This is your house?

JIM:
Built by General Hugh Mercer

in 1860, but he never lived in this house.

His great-grandson was Johnny Mercer.

JOHN:

The songwriter?

Savannah's own.

What's your favorite of his tunes?

My mother was always partial

to "Fools Rush In."

Your mother.

Indeed.

JIM:
I'd love to give you a tour,

but they're still setting up for the party.

JOHN:

I thought the party was tomorrow night.

JIM:

There are two parties.

JIM:
Tonight is for bachelors.

Gentlemen only.

Would you like to come?

I'd like to cover it.

JIM:
I'm sorry. It's private.

Reporters aren't allowed.

Would you like to see my shop?

It's back here in the carriage house.

JIM:
This house is one of the largest

in Savannah. It covers an entire block.

JIM:

It's right in here.

This is where we do all of our...

...restorations.

This landscape, is it a Stubbs?

JIM:

Very good.

My father was a dealer.

JIM:
It's called Newmarket Heath

with a Rubbing-Down House.

It's a recent purchase I will unveil

at tomorrow night's event.

It's an odd piece.

JIM:
Yes.

The impasto is interesting.

Where's your black light?

It's an overpaint.

Very good, sport.

JOHN:
You had it x-rayed yet?

JIM:
No.

How will you know

what it's obscuring?

I rather enjoy not knowing.

(STREET NOISES OVER TAPE)

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

JOHN:

Just a minute.

JOHN:
Who is it?

MAND Y:
Mandy.

JOHN:
Who?

MAND Y:
Mandy.

JOHN:

I don't know a Mandy.

MAND Y:
Of course not.

You won't open the damn door.

Hi. Nice to meet you.

Hi.

You all got some ice?

Sure, help yourself.

MAND Y:
Joe Odom's fridge is on the blink.

And plus, at present...

...we don't have electricity.

MAND Y:

Thirsty?

Me? No.

No, not really.

If you're thirsty, a drink'll cure it.

If you're not, a drink'll prevent it.

Prevention is better than a cure.

Put on some pants, John Kelso.

Sure, just let me get a pair.

MAND Y:
This is our newest addition

to the Odom House.

MAND Y:
As you see, Joe's been creative

with our electrical dilemma.

JOE:
I done this before

and I ain't never been killed yet.

JOE:

But there's a first time for everything.

JOE:

There we go!

JOE:

We got it!

JOE:

No problem.

JOHN:

Joe Odom?

MAND Y:

The one, the only.

Where's my libation?

Hold these.

To Savannah Electric and Power!

And let's not forget our friends...

...the...

...whoever!

Here's to you!

All right, inside.

Honey, that's a tough job,

but you're talking to the lady. Hello!

Have you met Mr. Kelso,

our newest addition to Savannah?

Jerry Spence.

JOHN:
How are you?

JERRY:
I'm charmed now.

JERRY:
How are you?

JOHN:
I'm pretty good.

- I wonder if he goes to my church?

MAND Y:
I wonder.

JOHN:

Episcopalian.

MAND Y:

We'll find out.

(JOE SINGING)

Sanitation

I see all night long

Hauling in great big cans

I'm hoping one day soon

She'll let me be a Hefty man

In the Dumpster

We'll be making love

In the Dumpster

Beneath the stars above

In the Dumpster

I smell paradise

Don 't have to ask me twice

It's all I'm thinking of

Just me and that trash girl

Making that Dumpster love

Do you like that?

Strong.

Strong and good.

Chatham Artillery punch.

What's in it?

Whatever's available on both counts.

Great party.

Great house.

The fella that owns it is in Europe

for a year. Asked me to look in on it.

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