Midnight Sex Run

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HEAVY BREATHING...

... KIDS LAUGHING...

... [FIRECRACKER POPS]...

... Jordan. Ted. Stop it.

Please, leave me alone.

Listen to this freaking gaylord.

Why are you such a

fudge packer, Jeffrey?

Ya, why do you look at our

nads in the shower?

I do not. I like girls. Babes.

Just like you guys.

Then tell me,

How many girls have you

fingered at camp this summer?

Tons.

Liar.

Well, how many have you fingered?

I used a different finger on each girl.

Diana, Naomi, Tova, Sherri,

Annie, Gaby, Racquel,

Betsie and Jodi.

And I'm saving my magic thumb

here for Jennifer Peters.

Jennifer Peters?

Ha ha ha.

She would never let you

lay a finger on her.

We'll see about that.

We both frenched her you f*** head.

She's too good for you A-holes.

She's pure.

She loves me.

She will never fall under your spell.

What did you just say to us, cock boy?

Ya, I couldn't hear you

over this fire cracker.

NO, NO, NO.

Please, don't do it.

Do it man.

Cawabunga, butt pipe.

[BOOM]...

... AHH.

MUSIC CONTINUES...

...I cannot believe I used to pay

some b*tch in Burbank...

...80 bucks, 80 bucks to hinder

this sh*t on me.

A f***in' dollar for this Sharpie, dude.

Entrepreneur, baby.

Hey, I still need you to

do the back though.

Ya. What does it say?

'F*** the world.'

MUSIC...

... [KNOCK KNOCK]...

...Hi, I'm a friend of Jordan's.

Dude, you got female company.

Rachel. Hey, what a surprise.

Is everything alright?

Ya, everything is fine.

Sorry, I was just...

... in the neighborhood.

Is this a bad time?

Oh, no.

I was just taking a nap.

Oh ya?

Can I come lay down with you?

Oh, no.

I WAS taking a nap...

... I gotta go now.

I have an audition.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'll get out of your way.

What time is it?

It's, um, it's 3 o'clock.

Ya. I gotta-- 3? Wow...

... I'm sorry, It's actually 2 o'clock.

I'm late.

Ok.

Bye. It was great seeing you.

Thanks for coming.

Ya. it was really nice seeing you too.

Ya, right.

Hey, I brought this back for you.

It's the shirt you let me

wear when I stayed over.

Sorry I've had it a long time...

... it's just kinda hard to track you down.

You could of kept it.

It's fine. Thanks.

And I made this CD for you.

It's some of my songs.

They're just demos so don't

judge me on them yet.

That's awesome.

That's really cool.

Some of them are actually about you.

I'm famous.

Cool. Which ones?

I think you're going to know.

Just listen to it if you get bored.

Can't wait.

Jordan, you're not wearing any shoes?

They're in the car.

Oh.

Bye. Have a--

Have a really good audition.

MUSIC...

... Could you please not-- It's not cute...

... It's just a picture.

No. Please don't.

Please. Thank you.

Okay, fine. Don't freak out.

I don't want to be on the internet.

Why don't you take your

jacket off. Stay awaile.

How many lunches is this now?

Are you counting our lunches?

No.

It's called getting to know each other.

I know. I just--...

... I think I'm better at night time.

I'm more of a night time type of guy.

Really?

Because that's when your texts

go from being clever and sweet...

... to super creepy and weird.

You can't judge my tone over

text message.

You don't know the tone I'm going for.

What tone were you going for

with this one...

...'I want to lay you on your

stomach and kiss down your legs,

down the back of your knees

and take off your socks...

...and suck and bite your toes,

bottom of feet.'

Yeah, that's the tone...

...You know when I hear my phone

buzz at one in the morning I go,

Here it comes. And then I

look and I'm like,

'Shocker. There's Teddy's penis again.'

I was trying to start a

dialogue with you but--...

... Oh...

...'Then I'll lick your little

a**hole and press my face...

...into your perfect little c*nt

until you come into my face.

Then I'm gonna do it again.

It'll be fun.'

Do you really think...

...that this is going to make me

want to sleep with you?

I guess not.

MUSIC...

... GIRLS CHATING...

... Hey. Do you girls have

an extra cigarette?

[Fake Chinese Gibberish]...

... What's that mean?

Are they menthol?

[Fake Chinese Gibberish].

How's the water tonight, ladies?

[Fake Chinese Gibberish]...

... Do we go?

We should go.

That was a real,

real bad showing.

Well, what did you expect?

There wasn't one person there

that wanted to talk to us.

Hey. F*** you.

[Giggle]...

... You got him.

You got him pretty good.

And we're back.

I am so f***ing exhausted.

Yeah, it's 10:
40 at night.

What's this CD with the bunny on it?

Says 'Hello'

Ya. It's that girl um...

Rachel from a couple months ago.

Rachel?

With the bangs?

No. Doesn't ring a bell.

Well this is like her singing the songs?

Is it her songs?

Ya.

Ya some of them are about me I guess.

I'm sure it's-- it's gonna be terrible.

MUSIC...

... 'Hello.

You got me...

... Under your spell And I--'

This sucks.

Is this a joke?

No. That's her voice.

This is--.

She told me about this. She told

me she was working on some stuff...

... You got a t-shirt?

She gave you a t-shirt too?

Why do you still have this?

Jennifer Peters gave it to

me right before we got kicked...

...out.

I guess I never threw it

away. Well. Goodnight.

Yeah, right.

Call me when you wake up.

Call me when YOU wake up.

MUSIC CONTINUES...

... Alright,

Jordan Beck?

Ok, Jordan.

Do you have any questions

before we get started?

No questions.

Do you want me to read to the

camera or pretend my son's here?

Uh, however you prepared it is fine.

Okay. Whenever you're ready.

Aiden, son.

No, this is awful what happened?

I hurt my arm, daddy. I'm scared.

Come here. Daddy knows

how to fix the boo boo.

It hurts daddy. Make it better.

Papa knows how to make the

ouchie go bye-bye.

It's all better now.

Give daddy a hug.

Great. Thanks so much.

Alright, thanks.

Do you need to see it again?

No, no. We're good. Thanks.

MUSIC...

... Hey, hey. Just the man I wanted to see.

You know, if you want, you could

drop those off at my desk.

Can't do that.

[DING]...

... Oh, cookie man.

That's right.

You know, if you want, you could

drop those off at my desk.

Hey boss I'm all clear with the cookies.

Ten four, Ted. I'm need you to

pick up a tray of deviled eggs.

and drop them off at the Alpha

Beta Phi sorority house.

Sorority house? Ten four, sir.

Hey, I got a surprise for you.

I'm coming to get you.

And bring that CD with the bunny on it.

'Hello. You got me...

... under your spell...

... and I fell right away.

Hello and thank you...

... for looking at me...

... when I was looking at you.

Oh no, nothing compares...

... to the feelings I'm feelin' inside.

Oh--'

What a party pad.

[Wolf howl]...

... [Knock knock]...

... Good evening...

...Hello Ms. I have a delivery

for you and your sisters...

...Mmm, just the little devils

I was waiting for.

You ladies have a lovely home.

Oh, where are my manners? Come

inside, please. The both of you.

Thank you. That's nice.

She's the den mother.

You can set those eggs anywhere.

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