Mighty Aphrodite
- R
- Year:
- 1995
- 95 min
- 1,235 Views
Woe unto man.
Brave Achilles,
slain in trial by blood...
for prize,
the bride of Menelaus.
And father of Antigone,
ruler of Thebes,
self-rendered sightless
by lust for expiation.
Lost victim
of bewildered desire.
Nor has Jason's wife
fared better.
Giving life only to reclaim it
in vengeful fury.
For to understand
the ways of the heart...
is to grasp as clearly the malice
or ineptitude of the gods,
who, in their vain and clumsy labors
to create a flawless surrogate,
have left mankind
but dazed and incomplete.
Take, for instance,
the case of Lenny Weinrib,
a tale as Greek and timeless
as fate itself.
- Lenny, let's have a baby.
- Hey!
A baby? Why? Because she's pregnant,
you want to have a baby?
- No. It's a great idea.
- You could raise your own middleweight.
- I don't want a middleweight.
- Flyweight.
- No, it'd be fun.
- Have you ever had children?
- No, I've never had children.
- Why not?
What do you mean, "why not?" 'Cause my
first wife didn't want to have a child.
- Then I never remarried really, so--
- Oh, that's great.
- What am I, chopped liver?
- Until now.
- Yeah?
- I never-- You didn't let me finish.
- No, you'd forgotten.
- Now you've changed your mind.
You didn't want to have a child.
- You should have kids.
- It's like stereo. Give him a break.
- You don't want a kid?
- Oh, we--
When we first met, she didn't like
the beach; she hated the Hamptons;
she didn't want to have kids;
she loved the Upper East Side,
she didn't want to move.
Now suddenly she's making noise about
having a kid and moving to Tribeca.
- Only if the gallery moves downtown.
- Well, being pregnant is great.
- Yeah?
- I love it. You get treated
like the Queen of England.
- Sure.
- You say that like it's a good thing.
- Well, I like the pampering.
- She does like it.
- Yeah?
- Yeah, it's fantastic.
I can't give up the time
right now.
There are too many exciting things
happening in my business.
- So let me ask you a question.
- What?
How do you plan to swing it without
being pregnant? I'm curious.
- Good question. Very good question.
- No, it's easy.
- We'll adopt. Oh, well.
- Mmm.
- Not me. I don't want to adopt.
- There you go.
- Why not? That's a good idea.
- No. No.
- You must be nuts. With, with my genes?
- Yeah?
- To adopt? I have award-winning genes.
- Oh, God.
- I want to pass them on.
- No, that's crazy. No, the--
It's for the same reason
we don't lease a car, okay?
- 'Cause it's pride of ownership.
- Okay.
- And I don't want to adopt a child.
- No. Look, I'm sorry, Lenny.
It's crazy 'cause the world
is full of needy kids.
- You know, she's right.
- That's true.
- I know, but that-- You know, but I--
- No, I mean it.
Why overpopulate the world when there
are thousands of parent-less kids?
Just because you don't want
to get morning sickness, right?
- No, it's not true.
- That's why you want to adopt a kid.
I just can't afford
to give up a year just now.
Forget it. Subject is closed.
I don't wanna--
I'd be afraid that
I might get a bad seed.
- Oh, you're paranoid.
- Oh, come on.
That's right! What-- You read that
in the tabloids all the time.
- No. A bad seed.
- That's right.
Yeah, we adopt some sweet little boy,
and then he turns 13,
we'd go to sleep at night,
he'd split our head open with an axe.
Listen, why'd you have to
go and tell him that? You know
Lenny's got a vivid imagination.
- It's a common occurrence.
- I read the same paper.
What do you want me to tell you?
Anyway, what do you mean "he"?
Why can't we adopt a girl?
- We're not adopting anything.
I want no sex.
- A little girl.
Let the guy have a short stop
or a point guard, will ya?
Can we get a check? Can we--
Can we please get out of here?
I'll take the check.
I'm paying tonight.
- Yes.
- You? I'm stunned.
You pay, you break your record.
You-- One more and you break
DiMaggio's record-- 56 straight.
That's not true.
Now, be nice.
Laius, proud father, speak.
I, with joy,
did have a son...
so fair, so clearheaded
and brave,
that I a thousand pleasures
did derive from his presence.
So what happens?
One day he kills me.
And don't you think,
he runs off and marries my wife.
Poor Oedipus, king of Thebes.
My son, my son
did slay unwittingly...
my noble husband...
and did, without realizing,
hasten with me,
his loving mother,
to lustful bed.
And a whole profession
was born...
charging sometimes
and a 50-minute hour
at that.
And why a child now, out of left field?
One hopes it's not to fill
some growing void in their marriage.
Leave her be.
A woman's urge to motherhood
is old as the earth.
Children grow up;
they move out.
Sometimes to ridiculous places
like Cincinnati...
or Boise, Idaho.
Then you never see them again.
You'd think once in a while
they'd pick up a phone.
in the Weinrib's marriage?
We didn't say there was.
We're all just speculating
on possible motives.
Children are serious stuff.
Look, here's a man
who killed his father...
and slept with his mother.
I hate to tell you what they
call my son in Harlem.
Hello.
- There's a baby we can adopt.
- Are you serious?
and she's found an infant for us.
- But we have to act quickly.
- I don't want a kid.
Well, Lenny, you know
how hard it is.
And look, the baby's
one day old, totally healthy.
Unwed mother, no diseases.
And it's a boy.
You wanted a boy.
Amanda, I can't get
into this with you now.
This is not the place
to have this discussion.
I told Carolyn to be on the lookout.
She's experienced with adoptions.
She knows what she's doing.
It's a boy, healthy, born this morning.
No strings,
if we act quickly.
Le-- Look, I-- I gotta
put my foot down.
I-I-- If you want to
discuss this another time, we can.
But if you gotta have a fast answer,
it's definitely "no."
- Hi! Hi.
- You got his head?
- He's adorable.
- Yes. Oh, God.
This is great. This kid is never
going to be a fighter, you know.
I gotta run out and get some weights
because he's really light as a feather.
- Yeah, perhaps I should have him back.
- Hi.
Yeah. Maybe you better
hold him 'cause he's crying.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- He's crying.
- Okay. Okay. It's okay. It's okay.
- That's a good boy.
- That's so great.
If there's any greatness in my hands,
let it pass into your body.
- Get a grip on yourself.
- This kid is gonna be a great kid!
- Oh, yeah.
- He's fabulous!
- You're okay now.
- What do you wanna call him?
- Oh, this is unbelievable. Yeah.
- Call him?
- Oh, wh-- what about Eric?
- Eric? The kid's not a Viking.
I wanna call him, name him,
you know, for one of my heroes.
- Like what?
- I don't know. What about Groucho?
- Groucho? Oh, get real.
- No, I'm serious.
It's a great-- You know.
I-- I don't know. What--
What about Phineas?
Do you like Phineas?
Phineas?
Are you joking?
Phineas is the guy who
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