Milf

---

Did you get a good look

up there?

Uh...what?

You were checking out

my ass.

Uh...I wasn't--

You're in

my econ class, right?

I'm going to tell everyone

what a creep you are.

No.

Dick.

No. No.

What the heck

is wrong with you?

Aah! D*ckhead!

[Cell phone rings]

Well, what's up,

dickface?

Look, Im headed

into econ class.

I'm telling you, blow it

off, you big nerd.

Spend the afternoon

with me and Lori.

Lori is my mom, dude,

and i can't miss econ again,

It's the only professor

i have the takes attendance.

Dude, stop calling

my mom Lori.

Relax.

I'm almost there.

She's single.

I'm allowed.

That's my mom.

What? We're

in college now.

I am now officially

one year older

Than she was

when she birthed you.

You don't call adults you've

known your entire life

By their first name.

It's that lack

of sophistication

That's keeping you from

getting laid, Brandon.

Look, dude, Im headed

into econ class now.

Just go get the booze and

don't talk to Lor--To my mom.

Please, Anthony, Im asking,

just focus, man.

We need to get the booze

for tonight's party.

Okay, Im here.

I will tell Lori

you said hello.

Ass. I'll

talk to you later.

Later.

[Knock knock knock]

Hey, lo--

Hi, Anthony.

Mrs. Murphy.

Where's Brandon?

Brandon

is at econ class,

And he wanted me

To pick up a few things

in the garage.

Yeah, come in.

Okay. Cool.

So how's your mom?

I heard what happened.

Is she all right?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

She's fine.

She's cool.

She just moved into

a new place.

And she's just enjoying

her new freedom.

I bet.

Well, Im going to be

seeing holly tonight.

She just needs to get over

that loneliness.

That's all.

Yeah.

You know where

the garage is.

I'm taking off,

Mrs. Murphy.

[Gasp]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

My towel!

Um, Mrs. Murphy...

where is he?

The party started

ages ago.

I don't know. He should

be back by now, though.

This sucks.

We can't dominate

this game properly

With three of us.

Yeah, well, if we had beer,

We could gain access

to the party.

If we gain access

to the party,

We gain access to

the p*ssy. [Laughs]

Hey, contact right!

Frag out!

Damn it!

Oh, come on.

Like you guys

Are going to get

anywhere at the party.

Returning fire!

Oh! Whatever.

Ross and i here read

a book the other day.

Oh, yeah.

It was pretty good stuff.

It was called

the mystery method.

We are gonna get laid

tonight, that's for sure.

Hey, skinny in the window.

Take 'em out.

To the right.

Mystery method?

Does that work?

Contact frag!

It's pretty

despicable stuff.

Doesn't go

with my game.

Hey, Brandon,

cover my six!

Aah! Oh, damn it!

Whatever.

Tell you what.

All i know is

It works a hell of a lot

better if they are drunk.

Ha ha ha!

Take that, newb!

It's about time,

Mr. Slow.

What happened, man?

I was just--

I just--

Traffic.

Yes!

You already opened it?

What's in the box?

New camera gear.

Cameras? That'll be good

later on tonight

When i land a freshman

spinner on my dick.

Whoo! Ha ha ha.

No, you'll just break it.

Why didn't you just

get it sent here?

Because of him.

Brent the douchebag next door

would've taken it.

Okay nerds,

enough tech talk.

Let's go get

our sex on, eh?

A philosophy major, eh?

What are you going

to do with that?

Contemplate for hours

About what

a shitty idea it was

To become

a philosophy major? Yeah?

He just broke up with you?

I'm so sorry

to hear that.

I know.

And he's so mean.

You're so sweet

to listen to me.

Oh, thanks.

Randy?

Erica? I'm so glad

i found you!

I'm so sorry i was

such a jerk earlier.

Can you forgive me?

Oh, randy.

For, like, seven days.

It was so gross.

So anyway i was, like,

in the middle of the jungle,

Like, in Thailand,

And i was, like,

riding an elephant.

I was just, like,

so totally, like,

Scared and nervous, but,

like, at the same time

I was, like, so in awe

of the natural beauty

And i just

couldn't believe

It was, like, actually

happening, you know?

Hello?

Hello?

Okay. I'm gonna go.

No luck, huh, buddy?

Yeah, that kind

of night, i guess.

Well, Im going to

get a beer.

Nice chatting.

God, why is it

at all these parties,

Everyone just drinks all

the crappy domestic beer?

How's this?

That's a good start.

A fool sees not the same tree

that a wise man sees.

Well, okay, there,

Mr. Blake.

I'm impressed.

With your choice

in microbrews, that is.

I'm Brandon.

Alex.

So, Alex, you're not from

around here, are you?

Wow. Really?

I'm sorry.

That was lame.

No, Brandon, Im not

from around here.

I'm from across campus.

That's a neat pattern.

Wow, look at that.

Oh, thanks.

I made it myself.

Really? That's awesome.

Hey!

Nothing but this gay

microbrew crap!

Where's my bud?

Bud!

Must be tough to

live life as a clich.

God.

Yeah. Uh...

you might want to...

come on! That is such

a weak move.

You can do better

than that.

You know, you might--

So, Brandon,

How did you become

such a connoisseur

Of beer and generic

pick-Up lines?

Yeah, yeah. Uh...

i watch a lot

of tits--Titles.

Movies, yeah.

Uh, more books than anything.

A lot of stuff in 'em.

It helps.

It helps me.

Oh, cool.

So...do you go

to school here?

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, you nailed it.

I'm here.

Yeah, Im an econ major.

Economics. Same thing.

You know, small word.

It's loud in here.

Yeah. Wow!

I was thinking that, too.

'Cause i can't--

Did you say some--

I hear you,

but i don't know...

are you okay?

Yeah. I've got a credit card

in my name. Of course.

What?

Huh?

I said, are you okay?

Hey, Brando.

How's it going?

Hey, your tit's

hanging out.

Is that what

you were looking at?

You dog, you.

Come on, high five.

No, i wasn't--

Dick!

You're such an a**hole.

God!

All right, b*tches,

party on the roof!

Whoooo!

Come one, come all.

Single file line, ladies.

Don't push, don't shove,

don't fight much.

Speak forever under.

Whoa-Ho. Not so fast

there, broski.

We're having a little private

soiree tonight, amigos.

Are you kidding me?

Well, i can check to see

If you gentleman

are on the guest list.

Hey, Wyatt! Are our favorite

freshman here on the guest list?

Oh, these knobheads?

Hell, no. People are trying

to get laid tonight, guys.

Oh! Looks like you guys

aren't on the list.

But you have fun night

Jerking off

on each other!

Ha ha ha ha!

On your way out.

Awesome.

That was just perfect.

Hey, guys,

Ive got an idea.

Why don't we all hang out

together tonight

And talk about how much

p*ssy we don't get, yeah?

Whoa. Brandon, you

should check this out.

This guy's

going to town.

Oh, really--Oh, look

at that--Going to town.

Whoa-Ho!

Breaking news.

Loose freshman

with shaved box

Getting railed

by frat meathead.

Is that big red?

No, it's a blonde,

a dirty, dirty blonde.

I'm pretty sure she's in

my physics class.

I'm pretty sure

She's not walking

to class tomorrow.

You know what? Screw it.

Let's just hang out

tonight, guys.

We have three bottles

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