Milf Page #2

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of premium whiskey here,

And we can drink.

We can do whatever.

All right, peckerheads.

We need booze.

We hear you faggots

have a stash.

We don't have any.

Jackpot.

You can't take that.

What did you say, taint-Boy?

Uh...

i said--

Aah!

You know, i would have

Thrown you boys

in the recycling bin,

But i don't think

they recycle p*ssy weirdos.

Ha ha ha ha!

Oh! I'm god damned

tired of this sh*t!

F***.

Let's go to my mom's

guest house.

Hey, guys.

I found a burger over here.

Anyone want some?

Oh, you're disgusting.

Let's go.

It's still warm.

I really hate

All those stupid guys

at that party.

Silly frat jerks and their

silly little girlfriends.

They don't know a real man

when they see one.

The blonde

in Brents room

Seemed to be

enjoying herself.

Sh*t.

Oh, crap, man.

I forgot.

It's ladies night

tonight.

That sounds good.

That's fine. They're

gonna be going out, right?

I think so.

Your mom is going to be

showing my mom

What it's like

to be single again.

This is gonna be awesome.

We're gonna get

so much p*ssy!

What are you talking about?

MILFS!

Think about it, all right?

They're probably lonely,

Drinking a little wine,

Talking about

how much men suck,

And that's when

we'll roll in there

And satisfy their needs.

Blblblblblbl.

Man, this is

gonna be amazing.

Hey, standard bet?

Yeah.

You're not betting

on my mom.

What are you guys

betting on?

We're betting on who's

going to bag the most MILFS

By the end of the year.

Yes.

Oh, yeah.

Anthony, i really wish

you would have called.

Mom...

what the hell

is going on here?

Nothing.

Oh, right. Nothing.

Nice whip. What is

this, a lezbo sess?

What?

You're a lesbian.

No!

This is my fault.

Mom?

Nice. Nice whips.

Boys--

Boys, look...

this is a passion party.

No, no, no, no, no.

This is awesome.

This is gross.

We can leave.

No. Anthony,

this is my time.

Mom, you got blue stringy

things on your boobies.

I know, okay? I know.

I know this looks bad,

all right?

I'm not going to lie.

But it's not--

Mm-Mmm. Mm-Mmm.

No. No.

This is sick.

You guys--

Oh, Anthony, grow up.

Uh-Uh. Mm-Mmm.

Anthony! Baby, come--

Mm-Mmm.

We're staying

in the guest house.

Dude, that was intense.

I'm so jealous, man.

I just feel dirty.

I just want that

out of my head.

Like, i--Wow. No.

I saw your mom naked today.

What?

Cool.

When i went to get

the hootch.

Bush

and everything, huh?

Shut up, guys. Shut.

No, he's right.

Bush and everything.

But she shaves,

though, kinda.

It was like a runway.

Straight up--Never mind.

This isn't going to make things

weird between us, is it?

I don't know.

Damn, man.

I'm just finding out

all kinds of weird things

About my mom today.

This is nuts.

Brandon, i will do

anything you want

To make it up to you.

Anything you want.

How do we even get past

something like this?

I just want you

to forget about it, please.

Just pretend like

it never happened. Please.

Dude, don't you get it?

This is going to make things

so weird between us.

It's not gonna seem

like anything right now,

But eventually it's just going

to eat at our friendship,

And all Im going to have left

is Nate and ross.

Hey, come on.

Dude, i will do anything

you want, man.

I will be your

non-Gay servant

For the rest of the year.

That just seems like

it'll be weird.

Okay, okay, okay, fine.

Just pawn me off

to the wondertwins.

It's for the best.

Fair is fair.

It has to happen.

I just need some air, dude.

Don't go.

I love you, man.

Hello?

Hi, Brandon.

Hi, Mrs. Reese.

Mrs. Reese?

You're a man now,

Brandon.

[Gasp]

And boy,

how you have grown.

Oh, my god.

Ohhh...

oh, my god.

Dude.

Yeah.

Amigo.

More tongue.

Just like that.

Dude.

I'm right here.

You gotta do that

on your own time.

I wasn't doing

anything, man.

It's cool.

I rub one out

when you're asleep, too.

Oh, god.

Oh...

what happened last night?

You got drunk

and passed out.

That's what you did.

Who drove?

Uh...ross.

Yeah, he's the only one

who didn't drink.

Thank god, 'cause

we were all shithosed.

It was great.

Buddy, buddy.

Buddy...

you and me...

bright spot.

Grubbin'. My treat.

I'm hungry.

Sounds great.

Grubbin'.

Your treat?

Grubbin'.

I'm stoked.

grubbin'

I can't find it.

What?

My wallet

and my phone, dude.

I feel naked

without it.

Well, i don't have mine,

either.

Dude, we have to go

to my mom's house.

What? We don't need

to do that. Why?

I think i left it there

when i was wasted, man.

I looked

everywhere else.

We can just go back

to the room, man.

I'll grab my wallet.

It's much easier

if we just do that.

No, f*** that.

I need my wallet

and my phone.

Don't think i forgot

about our deal, man.

Buying you breakfast

is just the start.

Besides, even if my mom

doesn't have my wallet,

She always has

a nice spread.

What? Wha--

Food, guy. Breakfast.

You know my mom, man.

She always has

the ripest melons,

Sticky buns.

It's amazing.

She always brings it.

Fine, but just

find it quick, please.

I forgot about how much

of a b*tch you turn into

When youre hungry.

Oh! Hi, Brandon.

Hi, Mrs. Reese.

Holly.

You've seen me naked.

You can call me holly.

No, i didn't--

Yes, you did.

Right. Yes, ma'am.

There's nothing wrong

with that.

I know. I know that.

I, uh...

i was--

I should go--

I'm just waiting

for Anthony--

So...okay.

You know, maybe i--

I'm gonna get going.

That was wrong.

That was nice.

Right. That was nice.

I just got divorced,

And my hormones

are all over the place.

I'm probably not

very stable right now.

Right. I understand.

I'm not crazy.

No, no. I didn't

even think that.

Do you have a phone?

Uh, yeah, yeah.

You need

to make a call?

Should i--

I got it.

Okay.

That's called

sexting, right?

Oh, hey, mom.

Did you get

your rocks off yet

From a cooter

'cause you're gay now?

What is wrong with you?

Sorry, mom.

Wouldn't want to disturb you

from flicking your bead.

Hey, got the keys.

Let's roll.

I'm sorry, man.

It's just...

i still can't

get over it, man.

It's not normal, right?

I mean,

she was sitting there

Just ready to take it

with a whip.

That is weird.

Am i right?

You know

what Im saying?

Are you having

a seizure? What?

Stop being such a dick

to your mom.

Dude, easy, all right?

She was totally lezzing

with your mom, so--

Dude, they're just, you know,

confused or something.

It's the divorce

and everything.

Listen, dr. Phil,

I don't need the play

by play, all right?

I'd appreciate it--

God damn it, dude.

My phone.

Don't start siding

with my mom, all right?

Ow! Dude, come on.

Drive straight.

All right. All right.

Jesus Christ!

Dude, people

are going to think

You're sucking

my dick, dude.

Here, let me get it.

I got it.

Grab the wheel.

Dude! Come on!

Grab the wheel!

What are you doing?

Come on. Come on.

Got it.

All right, dude.

Give it here.

Oh, my...

those are some

nice titties, dude.

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