Milf Page #3

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Whoop. Hold up.

Wow. Look at that ass!

Oh, my god, i would

lick that ass clean!

Dude, i am an ass man.

It is official.

You like that?

You like that?

Uhh!

How did you get

such a good shot

Through that hole?

Uh...

i mean, 'cause that

chow monkey Brent

Does not deserve tail

like this.

Yes! Yeah.

I know, right?

That's where i got it

just a couple weeks ago.

[Cell phone rings]

Incoming call.

Give it.

Dude, don't.

I got it.

You, talk dirty to me.

Who is it?

Oh, okay. Excellent.

Multiple women?

Yeah, we can do that.

Lesbians? Absolutely.

Um, send 'em over.

We'll be ready. Okay.

I'll talk to you soon.

Later.

Nate and ross

want us to play wingman

To their little

MILF quest.

I told them

you'd be cool with it.

Oh, my god.

Seriously, though?

That is a hot

little number.

Welcome to

the motherlode, boys.

Hello, darling.

Can i top you off?

Reeoowr!

Hey, you guys sure you don't

want in on this bet?

Yeah, Im sure.

I don't know, man.

I don't have a prescription

for Viagra.

These chicks don't want

anything to do with me.

Anyway, i still got to

make up stuff to you.

Why? What'd he do,

bang his mom?

Dude, come on.

Whatever, man. Let's

just say i screwed up,

And i owe it to Brandon.

Whatever you need, man.

If you need a drink,

it's on me.

Whatever you want, man.

Just how about...

just wingman for ross.

Yeah, come on, man.

Let's go.

Hi. How you doing?

You're here.

Is that

a tom Collins?

You sure you don't

want to trade up

To a newer model?

Yeah? Awesome.

Ooh. Reeowr.

Run away, little boy.

I dated guys older than you

when i was in high school.

Bye.

All right.

What do these wrinkle d*cks

have that we don't?

Yeah, well,

they have jobs

And cars

and money.

Money.

I saw you out there

on the dance floor.

Are you going to hurt me?

Now you say ahh.

Ahh.

Ahh.

Ahh.

Ahh.

Cough.

Haven't you ever been

to the doctor? Cough.

Cough.

Okay.

You'll do.

Yeah.

All right.

Shut up.

I told her, look,

You gotta just swallow

that thing, you know?

Hey, do you wanna

get out there and dance?

Do you wanna get out there?

Like, look at that.

Oh, no, man. Wingmanning

for ross is impossible.

Guys, guys, guys.

I got one!

Got one.

I think she's a dude.

Guys, guys, guys, guys.

Guys, come on.

I need one of you guys

To drive us home

to her place, okay?

We've both had too many.

No way.

I'm on vacation.

You know what,

Ill drive you guys.

Let's go.

You and Nate

can go back together.

Might be a while,

by the looks of that.

But, yeah. It'll be fine,

dude. I'm fine.

You sure?

Come on. Stop

wasting time here.

Come on.

Just drive us home.

All right. Good job.

Okay, man.

I'm gonna go.

No! No, no, no.

Don't go, man.

She scares the crap

out of me, all right?

Real serial killer sh*t.

Then let's

f***ing leave.

No, man.

I'm getting laid.

Awesome!

Stay here.

You want a cookie,

little boy?

'Cause Id like

a cock. Strip.

Strip!

Jesus Christ!

Did you know Im a yogi?

Mmm. No, i did not,

but that's awesome.

It's a very spiritual

lifestyle.

I'm sure it is.

I take it

very seriously.

So you should.

Like choosing partners

to make love with.

Oh.

Oh! Give me

a bigger load!

[Moaning]

Spank it!

Make it squirt!

I'm squirting.

Make me squirt!

I'm squirting!

I'm squirting!

I'm squirting.

I'm squirting.

You like it?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, suck it.

Suck it.

Oh, suck it, suck it,

suck it, suck it!

Oh, Santa Claus

is coming to town.

Santa's gonna be here

riding on his reindeer.

Oh, Santa!

I love Santa.

You love Santa?

You kidding me? Creamy?

Could you please

knock off the f***ing?

You're a new one.

Look here, bra,

Every damn night

it's the same routine.

I can't sleep.

My girl can't sleep.

The whole damn first

floor tryin' to sleep,

And every night

she's so damn loud

It sounds like somebody

getting murdered.

[Speaking Spanish]

Somebody

gots to tell that b*tch

People can't sleep when

you're always f***ing.

I'll tell her.

Get down!

I'm down!

B*tch, you got

to shut the f*** up.

I'm in love with you.

I love you.

I love you.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, snap!

Oh, my god. That was

so f***ing intense.

Dude, let's

get out of here.

Mmm, yeah.

That feels good.

It feels like

you've got four hands.

Shh. Just go with it.

Feel the warmth fill you

As our three energies

become entwined.

Oh, yeah. Mmm.

What the hell?

This is Amir, my

yoga master and husband.

Amir.

I am Amir.

Husband?

You know,

it's getting late.

Look at the time.

Maybe i should--

Shh. Do not lose the

energy of the moment.

This moment is special,

Like every moment.

Look, i really

should be going, you know.

Get out of your hair

and things, you know.

Shh. You are on a sexual

journey, are you not?

Well, yeah.

And we are here to

help you on your way.

Oh. Okay.

Well, how long does

this send-Off take?

It depends.

Usually four

or five hours.

What? Oh, sh*t!

[Cell phone buzzes]

[Buzz]

[Buzz]

[Buzz]

Dude!

Dude, ross sent

a video of himself

Getting laid last night.

Yeah, right.

Check this out.

Let me see.

Oh, my god.

He did it.

Ha ha ha ha!

Dude, if i didn't

know ross,

I'd totally

jerk off to this.

But, i mean,

actually if i...

i mean, it could work.

That's gross, man.

Aw, come on.

Dude, if you didn't know

either party,

This would

totally be porn.

Oh, and don't think

i forgot

About your secret lady.

I don't have

a secret lady, dude.

I don't know

what to tell you.

Okay, fine.

Honesty is not the most

important thing to me

Of best friendship.

Okay.

Okay. All right. Fine.

You remember the other night

at your mom's house?

Yeah.

This is funny.

Do you remember what

you said to me about--

[Cell phone buzzes]

Hold on.

I got it.

I got to take it.

Mom. Ahh.

No, i cannot

go to lunch with you.

I have a class.

God. Do you ever wish

That we went to school

further away from our moms?

Sure.

Well, i gotta go

to women's lit

With Nate and ross.

I still can't believe you

didn't take that class with us.

You two jerkoffs took

the last free spots.

You know that.

Hey, no...

you...

check you later, man.

Yeah, later.

Okay, it's working.

Testing, 1, 2, 3.

Blblblblbl.

Let's see.

[Girl moaning]

[Knock on door]

[Knock knock knock]

Hello?

I just came

to apologize.

That was...

my therapist said

That i should do

something impulsive,

But that was just...

weird.

Yeah. Definitely weird.

Like psycho.

Psycho. Ee-Ee-Ee-Ee.

So, um...that's it.

Oh, sh*t!

Ow!

I'm so sorry, Mrs. Reese.

Are you okay?

I'm fine.

No, i was going to have

that done anyway,

So now i don't have to.

Um...you wanna

try that again?

Oh, sorry.

I meant holly.

No, i meant...

the kiss?

Yeah. Mm-Hmm.

Okay.

Dude, you're such

a liar.

Dude, i totally nailed

that yoga lady

Three ways to Sunday, okay?

And it was just her, right?

There wasn't

anyone else there.

Not like another dude

or anything, okay?

Just in case you're thinking.

Come on,

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