Milk Money Page #5

I, I feel a-a strong,

almost mammalian pull

towards you.

You mean like how the moon

pulls the tides?

Yes. Yes, just like that.

Are you sure you don't mean

his sister-in-law?

No. It's his sister.

Oh, well, I think that's sweet.

They must be

a very affectionate family.

You two could learn something

from them

about just how close

a brother and sister

can be.

No one's ever said anything

like that to me before.

Say it again.

What?

The mammal word.

Mammalian.

Yes, that's it.

What does that mean?

Mammals are

warm-blooded creatures.

Warm?

Very warm.

Yes?

Yes.

Very, very warm?

There's no way I'm doing that.

- We should go.

- We should go.

Um... where?

Well, uh...

we're going to be late.

Oh. Okay.

We have reservations.

Yeah.

Tom.

Judy.

Hi.

Kevin.

V.

You know this woman, son?

Not as well as we know

each other, Mr. Smith.

You... know her, Father?

Uh, no- no, no, no, no.

No, you must be confusing me

with someone else.

No, I may have the name wrong,

but I never forget a face.

My name is V, like the letter.

Your husband and I did business

together once.

Oh, yes, yes... of course.

Yes, I'm sorry,

of course, yes.

Uh, V is a, um...

a dance instructor.

She, she taught me how to dance.

Dance? You teach dance

and you tutor math?

Isn't that wonderful?

We should all go out dancing

together sometime.

Oh, yes, let's do it soon.

Maybe V could teach us

a couple of things.

Uh, she can't.

Um... she's retired.

Listen,

it was really nice to see you,

but we've really got

to get going.

Good to see you.

Okay, bye-bye.

Huh. It's a small...

V.

V.

Stop it.

What are you doing?

You said you fixed it.

What's wrong with you?

I thought things were different,

but I was wrong.

- What happened?

- I have to go.

I don't understand.

I know-

that's why I have to go!

Well, let me take you.

Do you even know where I live?

No, I don't; I have no idea.

Do you want to see where I live?

- Yeah.

- Follow me.

Why are we climbing this tree?

What, may I ask,

are you doing

living in my son's tree house?

T ake off your pants;

then I'll tell you.

Why do I have

to take off my pants?

Because in my experience,

men are better listeners

when they're not wearing pants,

and I have something personal

to tell you,

and I don't want you

to be able to get away.

Okay.

Fine.

I'm taking off my pants.

This better be good.

Nobody's ever treated me

the way you treat me.

How am I treating you?

Like a person.

How does everybody else

treat you?

Like a hooker.

W- W-W-Why would they do that?

Because I am a hooker.

W- What do you mean by that,

exactly?

Frank told me he told you.

What?

I'm a prostitute.

Men pay me

to have sex with them.

Well, then, what, may I ask,

are you doing

teaching math

to seventh graders?!

I don't teach math.

No, no, Frank told me

you were a math tutor.

Well, he told me

that he told you I was a hooker,

and that you didn't care.

My son bought me a hooker?

Give me back my pants.

No, he didn't buy me for you!

Oh, what a relief.

He just wants me to marry you.

You said I looked

like Grace Kelly.

Who told you that?

Frank. He probably lied

about that, too.

No, he didn't. I...

I did say that.

You know,

I thought you were different.

I thought

you were understanding.

I am understanding.

Boy, am I understanding.

That would explain why

you looked at me that way.

I looked at you that way

because you looked at me

that way.

What way?!

Like I was somebody.

Well, you are somebody.

We're both somebodies.

Let me out of here.

How do you open this thing?

I'm an adult somebody teacher,

and you're

an adult somebody hooker

that I'm supposed to marry.

You should've told me.

I tried to.

You should've tried harder.

Look, Dad, you always say

it's not what you do,

it's who you are.

But there's

a vast difference

between being a math tutor...

Dad! Dad!

There was no "but. "

I know you're trying

to help me.

Ah, Dad, she's the right woman.

Well, what's so right about her?

I took a test in this magazine.

"Are you Your Mate's

Perfect Woman?"

She scores a 98

out of a possible 100,

losing one point

because she's a total stranger,

and the other 'cause

your entire relationship

is based on a lie.

What, you only lose one point

for that?

It says it's not very important.

What could possibly be

more important?

She's a grown-up, she has a job,

she's independent,

she's good with money,

she's funny, she

doesn't swear anymore-

I talked to her about that-

she watches cartoons,

and she likes ice cream,

and she fits into Mom's clothes.

I knew that dress

looked familiar.

And she likes you, Dad-

that's the best part!

Where did you learn

to be like this?

From you.

So...

what does the magazine say?

I mean, what am I supposed

to do now?

Call her.

On what?

V?

V?

She's not picking up.

V?!

Oh!

Geez!

V, don't go.

I thought that you were

my friend,

but you're not-

you're a liar.

Wait a minute.

I want to talk to you.

Stay away from me.

I'm the one who should be angry.

I'm the one who was deceived.

I am not angry.

I just want to get

out of here.

I don't like the suburbs.

Car doesn't work.

Keep it.

It isn't mine anyway.

Diaphragm.

It's a locket.

Somebody's empty locket.

That's kind of sad.

It's my locket.

I gave it to him.

He said he would keep it

forever.

It's a picture of his mom.

I didn't even know he had this.

She didn't look at all

like Grace Kelly.

Neither do I, for that matter.

You do to me.

I don't want to have sex

with you, you know.

I don't want to have sex

with you, either.

I never really thought that she

looked like Grace Kelly.

It was just the quality

that she had- a feeling.

And then it became a game

with Frank and me-

who did and didn't have that...

this quality.

It was so hard for me

to talk about her.

It was the only way I could let

Frank know... about her.

T ell me how you met.

We knew each other

in high school, and-

actually,

it was junior high school.

I remember the first time

I saw her.

Yeah?

She was leaning

on the kitchen counter

talking on the telephone.

We were at a dance.

A dance?

I never went to a dance.

Why not?

'Cause I left home

when I was 14.

I missed my whole life.

If I'm the first, you know,

this might hurt a bit.

You trying to be funny?

I'm not talking about sex.

What are you talking about?

I want to make love with you.

Eve, Eve...

Eve's my middle name.

And, I...

I changed it because it

just sounded too Biblical,

so I took off the Es.

This hurts.

Ow! Ooch! Damn it!

Yes, hello.

Did you have somebody

in mind, sir?

I have someone in mind.

Her name is V.

V?

We don't know where she-she is.

That's bullshit!

That's bullshit.

Oh, I saw her tonight,

in Middleton.

You saw her in Middleton?

Middleton?

What address?

He-he hung up.

Of course.

He hung up.

Well, she shouldn't be

too hard to find.

Good morning, Frank.

Good morning, Frank.

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