Millions

The French have said

au revoir to the franc.

The Germans have said

auf wiedersehen to the Deutschmark.

And the Portuguese have said

whatever to their thing.

Go!

Now it's our turn to say

goodbye to Sterling.

This Christmas

we are going to get the euro.

Goodbye old pound.

Everyone says

we are going to miss you.

- Come on!

- Faster! Faster!

- Hey come on!

- Faster!

I can't see ya!

Where are you?

I'm over here!

This is the main drag along here.

That's Portland.

Bisecting that at right angles,

is Lundy on that side.

On this side there's Fastnet.

What's yours?

Cromarty.

Cromarty and German Bight.

Cul de sacs. Over here.

- I've come through.

- Come on! Come on, Damian!

There's a train coming!

Keep pedalling. Come on!

Faster!

- Beat ya!

- Come on!

I'm gonna call it Serendipity.

- What does that mean?

- I don't know.

- Anyway it's number twenty.

- Upstairs!

- This is my room.

- And mine.

Get your own room.

The patron saint of

house removals is Saint Anne.

- Did you know that?

- No, I didn't know that, no.

Yeah, she lived in

the desert, obviously.

And when she wanted to move house.

Angels came, picked up her house

and took it to Italy.

Handy.

She was Our Lady's mother.

What you on about Damian?

Saint Anne. I've got a picture.

Look. I don't care, just get

in the car, will ya? We're going'.

Go on! Get in the car!

- Was she in it at the time?

- Who?

Saint Anne.

When the angels did the...

you know the airlift?

I don't know.

Start with the money.

That's what our Anthony says.

That's what people

want to know about.

Like if you're moving house...

you don't say 'we're moving house

and the new one has got a green door.'

You say how much you're paying.

How much you got for the old one.

Mortgage. Interest rates.

Stamp duty. Solicitor's fees.

How much you'll get

if the new one goes up in value.

That's called equity.

Personally, I think, 'so what? '

Money's just a thing.

And things change.

One minute something's there

and you can cuddle up to it.

The next minute it's gone.

Like a Malteser.

That goes in the kitchen.

Is this fantastic or what?

Surprisingly spacious,

with attractive views.

Oh, that's Anthony's.

That must go upstairs and...

And anyway, in the end,

it turns out it wasn't about

the money after all.

That's it lads.

Up to the main bedroom.

Has anyone seen

where the phone points are?

Eh, where do I plug this in?

Oh, right, yeah.

Oh that looks good, that does.

Right

this is what

we're having' tonight, yeah?

Before Countdown,

put the oven on.

After Countdown,

get a packet of these,

put them in there

with some oven chips, yeah?

It's for mum.

The time is on here, yeah.

Ok.

That's how long

they have to stay in.

By the time they're ready,

I'll be back.

She may already have

won ten thousand pounds.

Her name has been entered in a draw.

- All she has to do is...

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Thank you.

Hands?

Other sides.

Let's go.

Come on!

That's you.

Get your bags.

And your book bag, Damian.

Keyssss...

Now remember

it's no good being clever,

you've got to be

the cleverest, yeah?

- Alright. See ya Dad.

- Good luck lads.

See ya.

Are you nervous?

A bit.

So everybody sitting up nicely?

Excellent.

Now we are talking, today,

about people we admire.

- Dminic?

- Roy Keane, Sir, Manchester United.

Very good, Roy Keane.

What about you Barry?

- Van Nistelrooy, sir.

- Van Nistelrooy, right.

Anyone got any heroes

who don't play for United?

- Jack?

- Robbie Fowler, Sir, City.

Alright, that's enough.

Tricia?

I don't know any footballers, sir.

Well, it doesn't have

to be a footballer,

it could be... anyone.

- Don't know sir.

- No?

Damian?

Saint Roch, sir.

- Who's he play for?

- No one sir, he's a Saint.

Oh that's better, go on.

He was so worried that

he might say something bad.

That he said nothing

at all for twenty years.

We could do with a couple

like him in this class.

Thank you, Damian.

I like a lot of virgin martyrs too.

Like Saint Agatha.

She ripped her own eyes out,

so she wouldn't have

to marry this man.

Or Saint Katherine of Alexandria.

They tried to kill her by crushing

her to death on a wheel.

But she made the wheel explode

and all the splinters

killed people in the crowd.

The patron Saint of fireworks.

That's where we get

the Catherine wheel from.

I did say thank you, Damian.

Right, I brought in this picture.

This is a hero of mine.

Who knows who this is?

- Nelson Mandela?

- Fantastic, Nelson Mandela.

I should be careful

what you talk about.

Try talking about football

or something.

Keep off the weird stuff.

Just don't be conspicuous

or you won't fit in.

Aero and a Yorkie please.

And five juicy lips.

Haven't seen you two here, before.

We just moved here.

Our mam's dead.

Yeah, well go on, you're alright.

- Thanks.

- God bless.

Who's next?

Works every time.

You tell them your mam's dead

and they give you stuff, every time.

I'm your... Community Policeman.

Obviously there is

no community here as yet,

not to speak of, but you know...

Anyway the first thing to say is,

these new houses

and Christmas coming up.

Statistically

you're going to get burgled.

Now, not all of you, but some of you, soon.

Probably this week, next.

When you are, call me.

I'll give you a crime number

and then you can make a claim

on your insurance.

Building maintenance?

Yeah, that's right, yeah.

Yeah, I'm usually right,

it's a knack.

Do you mind me asking?

Is the kettle actually on? I'm...

Oh, sorry.

Yes?

Isn't the problem here,

that our houses are built on sand?

Sand? No.

They're not are they?

If you store up your treasure

on earth it will be stolen.

But if you give it away,

then it can't be stolen.

Mormons?

Well, Latter Day Saints.

Saints?

I know all about them...

Errr... Damian,

go and give Terry a hand

in the kitchen will you?

You too Anthony,

off you go, good lads.

Now, some of you are

going to be burgled.

There are things I can tell you,

that will lower the odds

of it being you personally.

It's a bit anti-social,

because if it isn't

you then it'll be next door,

but ha-ha there you go.

Our mam's dead.

Here. Go on, help yourself.

Take as many as you like, son.

Result.

Is it completely honest?

Completely dead isn't she?

What?

What do you want?

Can't you see I'm busy?

Just go away.

I don't like having my own room.

Clare of Assisi,

Eleven Ninety Four till

Twelve Fifty Three?

That's right.

I used to have a hermitage,

myself, once.

I used to go and hide up there.

If anyone needed me,

I'd send them a vision, sort them out.

That's why I'm the patron

saint of television.

I was like... human television.

You're the patron saint

of television?

Keeps me busy.

You know?

Are you allowed to smoke then?

You can do what you

like up there, son.

It's down here,

you have to make the effort.

Do you ever come across

a Saint Maureen?

She hasn't been there long.

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