Millions Page #2

Don't ring a bell.

Then again,

it is infinite up there.

Absolutely bloody infinite.

Listen...

Dad.

What is it anyway?

What are you doing

with all these boxes?

- What's that?

- Wait and see.

Where did you get that?

You can see it too then?

Well... you know...

sometimes you see things.

Don't you?

And other people can't see them.

What?

Well... you know... sometimes,

but this is real though.

This is real. This is real

Can't wait to tell dad.

You can't tell dad about this.

You can't tell anyone about this.

Why not?

Tax.

If the government

find out about this,

they'll take forty percent

of it away.

Forty percent!

Do you know how much that is?

Nearly all of it.

Shall we count it before we go?

No, we can't we're really late.

How much? How much?

There's thousands.

Ten thousand.

- Fifty thousand.

- Seventy.

Two hundred thousand.

Millions even.

Patch... Jenga.

Oink. Oink. Oink. Oink.

Promise not to tell anyone.

What is it?

- How much is it?

- Thousands.

Hundreds.

It's just hundreds.

No one else knows.

So if anyone finds out,

we'll know it's you. Ok?

Anyone finds out we know it's you.

No one else knows.

Just me and you. Here.

Thanks.

Yeah, just keep it shut.

Two hundred and twenty nine thousand,

five hundred and

twenty pounds, minus...

a hundred quid each,

spending money.

Leaves two hundred

and twenty nine thousand,

three hundred and twenty quid.

And we're going to give

all that to the poor.

Where you going to find poor people?

There's loads of poor people.

Not round here.

The house prices keep them out.

Go on. Go. Go.

Go on. Go. Go. Go on.

Go. Go. Go. Go on.

Go on.

Francis of Assisi?

Eleven eighty one till

twelve twenty six.

You did this didn't you?

My first act as a Saint.

What was your next one?

Washing a leper.

A leper?

You could just help

the poor Damian.

Big Issue. Help the homeless.

Big Issue anyone?

Oh hello.

And keep the change.

Oh, thanks mate,

I've had nothing to eat all day.

Oh we're going to Pizza Hut,

want to come.

No... no. She doesn't.

She just wants more money.

- We haven't got any more.

- No I fancy pizza actually.

Can I bring my friend?

Meat feast, deep and juicy,

stuffed crust mate.

Two meat feast thin and crispy.

- Ah a big New Yorker.

- A combo platter.

- Do us a farmhouse.

- I'll have some garlic bread love.

We'll all have some

garlic bread won't we?

And Dippin' Chicken.

To share.

This is great. Anthony thought

there were no poor people round here.

Because of the house prices.

Well they're not from round here.

- Come in on the bus.

- I come in on the train.

Couldn't afford to

live round here.

Who exactly is paying

for all this?

We are.

- You must be minted!

- Yeah we are.

No... no, we're not.

It's birthday money.

His birthday money,

he saved it.

- Puddings?

- Yes please.

No.

One hundred and sixty eight quid.

Do you know how many times

we'd have to visit Pizza Hut

to get rid of all the money?

One thousand, three hundred and

three point five one seven times.

It's just not practical.

We should buy property.

See this house,

we could buy two like that.

If they knocked some off

the asking price.

And if we did buy property,

that'll go up in value.

So we'd have even more money.

Damian?

Excuse me?

Are you poor?

Beg your pardon?

Are you poor?

Are you asking for money?

Me? No.

Because we don't have any.

We live in a community,

you know, it's very basic.

We don't have a dishwasher

for instance or a microwave.

And there's no cash kept

on the premises.

So you are poor?

In a sense, yes.

Brilliant!

Invergi. Invergi

St. Nicholas of Myra?

Sanctus quartus saeculus sum...

Patronus de nautae et,

vero, natalis.

It won't all fit.

El fini errant centi cetus poplas

Saint Nicholas?

Do you ever come across

a Saint Maureen?

- Ques?

- Saint Maureen. She's new.

Quat facki abat?

Skin care. She worked on

the make-up counter at Selfridges.

Sel-frid-ges?

To betal?

Est a quero publican rodeo.

It's less than a fortnight to E-day.

That's when

Britain completes transition

to the European Monitory Union.

The EMU.

Oh with twelve days left to E-day,

my true love said to me.

The transitional exchange rate

is fixed at sixty seven p.

Oh! Well all I can say is...

ding dong

After E-day your old money

will no longer be legal tender.

Wish pounds goodbye and euros...

Hello.

We don't have to queue up.

Here we go.

How much have you actually got?

Plenty.

- Anthony Cunningham.

- Where's your dad?

My dad? Well he's not coming.

Eh?

Yeah, he's not coming yet.

He said to start without him.

Start what without him?

The job is to show him

around the apartment.

How can I do that,

if he isn't here?

He gave me this.

Show me around and

I'll fill him in afterwards.

It's what we usually do.

We're looking at this for our

investment portfolio.

Not as a residence.

Has it kept it's value?

It's gone up twenty percent

in the last two years,

because of the schools.

He does send you to school doesn't he?

Or do you just

look at photos of them?

Flood lights. Scoreboards. Stadium.

It's the dogs bollocks this,

family heirloom. Fifty quid?

Fifty quid?

You could buy

a proper football team for that.

I could buy Crewe Alexander for that.

Yeah but...

this has got managers.

Dan Leavy and Malcolm Allinson

Never heard of him.

Deal.

You said you would for five quid.

I didn't know you were going

to get five quid did I?

Ten quid then?

Look, I've got a good body.

Twenty quid, last offer.

Martyrs of Uganda,

eighteen eighty one?

That's right.

Ohhhh sorry about that.

I was beheaded. See.

Before that I was in construction.

I don't know who built this,

but they were a right cowboy.

I built it myself.

Well, you'll see what we can do.

But I can't promise anything.

Why not?

There's plenty of you.

Yes, come on welcome.

Hello.

What are they singing?

They are praying for rain.

Where I come from...

people have to pay a tenth

of their daily income on water.

It's so expensive that they can't

afford to wash their hands.

So they get disease.

You don't need fancy hospitals

or medicines to make life better,

just a well.

And you...

can build a well for as

little as one hundred pounds.

That's fantastic!

Thanks.

I'm sorry I don't know who you are.

Mutual that then.

This yours?

Nice.

Near a railway.

- What's in there?

- Nothing really.

- What's this?

- A dress. It was my mums.

What are you looking for?

Money.

Are you poor?

What?

Damian, come in.

Anthony to Damian...

What's that?

- Damian, where are you?

- My brother I've got to go.

I'll come back. I've got loads.

Just wait there.

- Loads of what?

- Money. Just wait there.

Five... four...

three... two...

Who's that?

A poor person and

you said there weren't any.

I know. But who is it?

I don't know. Just someone.

What do you mean 'someone'?

Did he do anything to you?

- What sort of things?

- Never mind.

Look people are weird.

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