Millions
The French have said
au revoir to the franc.
The Germans have said
auf wiedersehen to the Deutschmark.
And the Portuguese have said
whatever to their thing.
Go!
Now it's our turn to say
goodbye to Sterling.
This Christmas
we are going to get the euro.
Goodbye old pound.
Everyone says
we are going to miss you.
- Come on!
- Faster! Faster!
- Hey come on!
- Faster!
I can't see ya!
Where are you?
I'm over here!
This is the main drag along here.
That's Portland.
Bisecting that at right angles,
is Lundy on that side.
On this side there's Fastnet.
What's yours?
Cromarty.
Cromarty and German Bight.
Cul de sacs. Over here.
- I've come through.
- Come on! Come on, Damian!
There's a train coming!
Keep pedalling. Come on!
Faster!
- Beat ya!
- Come on!
I'm gonna call it Serendipity.
- What does that mean?
- I don't know.
- Upstairs!
- This is my room.
- And mine.
Get your own room.
- Did you know that?
- No, I didn't know that, no.
Yeah, she lived in
the desert, obviously.
And when she wanted to move house.
Angels came, picked up her house
and took it to Italy.
Handy.
She was Our Lady's mother.
What you on about Damian?
Saint Anne. I've got a picture.
Look. I don't care, just get
in the car, will ya? We're going'.
Go on! Get in the car!
- Was she in it at the time?
- Who?
Saint Anne.
When the angels did the...
you know the airlift?
I don't know.
Start with the money.
That's what our Anthony says.
That's what people
want to know about.
Like if you're moving house...
you don't say 'we're moving house
and the new one has got a green door.'
You say how much you're paying.
How much you got for the old one.
Mortgage. Interest rates.
Stamp duty. Solicitor's fees.
How much you'll get
if the new one goes up in value.
That's called equity.
Personally, I think, 'so what? '
Money's just a thing.
And things change.
One minute something's there
and you can cuddle up to it.
The next minute it's gone.
Like a Malteser.
That goes in the kitchen.
Is this fantastic or what?
Surprisingly spacious,
with attractive views.
Oh, that's Anthony's.
That must go upstairs and...
And anyway, in the end,
it turns out it wasn't about
That's it lads.
Up to the main bedroom.
Has anyone seen
Eh, where do I plug this in?
Oh, right, yeah.
Oh that looks good, that does.
Right
this is what
we're having' tonight, yeah?
Before Countdown,
put the oven on.
After Countdown,
get a packet of these,
put them in there
with some oven chips, yeah?
It's for mum.
The time is on here, yeah.
Ok.
That's how long
they have to stay in.
By the time they're ready,
I'll be back.
She may already have
won ten thousand pounds.
Her name has been entered in a draw.
- All she has to do is...
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Thank you.
Hands?
Other sides.
Let's go.
Come on!
That's you.
Get your bags.
And your book bag, Damian.
Keyssss...
Now remember
it's no good being clever,
you've got to be
the cleverest, yeah?
- Alright. See ya Dad.
- Good luck lads.
See ya.
Are you nervous?
A bit.
So everybody sitting up nicely?
Excellent.
Now we are talking, today,
about people we admire.
- Dminic?
- Roy Keane, Sir, Manchester United.
Very good, Roy Keane.
What about you Barry?
- Van Nistelrooy, sir.
- Van Nistelrooy, right.
Anyone got any heroes
who don't play for United?
- Jack?
- Robbie Fowler, Sir, City.
Alright, that's enough.
Tricia?
I don't know any footballers, sir.
Well, it doesn't have
to be a footballer,
it could be... anyone.
- Don't know sir.
- No?
Damian?
Saint Roch, sir.
- Who's he play for?
- No one sir, he's a Saint.
Oh that's better, go on.
He was so worried that
That he said nothing
at all for twenty years.
We could do with a couple
like him in this class.
Thank you, Damian.
I like a lot of virgin martyrs too.
Like Saint Agatha.
She ripped her own eyes out,
so she wouldn't have
to marry this man.
Or Saint Katherine of Alexandria.
They tried to kill her by crushing
her to death on a wheel.
But she made the wheel explode
and all the splinters
killed people in the crowd.
The patron Saint of fireworks.
That's where we get
I did say thank you, Damian.
Right, I brought in this picture.
This is a hero of mine.
Who knows who this is?
- Nelson Mandela?
- Fantastic, Nelson Mandela.
I should be careful
what you talk about.
or something.
Keep off the weird stuff.
Just don't be conspicuous
or you won't fit in.
Aero and a Yorkie please.
And five juicy lips.
Haven't seen you two here, before.
We just moved here.
Our mam's dead.
Yeah, well go on, you're alright.
- Thanks.
- God bless.
Who's next?
Works every time.
You tell them your mam's dead
and they give you stuff, every time.
I'm your... Community Policeman.
Obviously there is
no community here as yet,
not to speak of, but you know...
Anyway the first thing to say is,
these new houses
Statistically
you're going to get burgled.
Now, not all of you, but some of you, soon.
Probably this week, next.
When you are, call me.
I'll give you a crime number
and then you can make a claim
on your insurance.
Building maintenance?
Yeah, that's right, yeah.
Yeah, I'm usually right,
it's a knack.
Do you mind me asking?
Is the kettle actually on? I'm...
Oh, sorry.
Yes?
Isn't the problem here,
that our houses are built on sand?
Sand? No.
They're not are they?
If you store up your treasure
on earth it will be stolen.
But if you give it away,
then it can't be stolen.
Mormons?
Well, Latter Day Saints.
Saints?
I know all about them...
Errr... Damian,
go and give Terry a hand
in the kitchen will you?
You too Anthony,
off you go, good lads.
Now, some of you are
going to be burgled.
There are things I can tell you,
that will lower the odds
of it being you personally.
It's a bit anti-social,
because if it isn't
you then it'll be next door,
but ha-ha there you go.
Our mam's dead.
Here. Go on, help yourself.
Take as many as you like, son.
Result.
Is it completely honest?
Completely dead isn't she?
What?
What do you want?
Can't you see I'm busy?
Just go away.
I don't like having my own room.
Clare of Assisi,
Eleven Ninety Four till
Twelve Fifty Three?
That's right.
I used to have a hermitage,
myself, once.
I used to go and hide up there.
I'd send them a vision, sort them out.
That's why I'm the patron
saint of television.
I was like... human television.
You're the patron saint
of television?
Keeps me busy.
You know?
Are you allowed to smoke then?
You can do what you
like up there, son.
It's down here,
you have to make the effort.
Do you ever come across
a Saint Maureen?
She hasn't been there long.
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"Millions" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 2 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/millions_13787>.
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