Millions Page #4

Making sure that

the kids understand it.

Does anyone understand it?

Sometimes they are a bit confused,

until I talk to them.

And then...

They're really confused.

I'm sorry.

They're very sorry.

I've sent them to bed.

I want you to know that

it won't happen again.

Do you mind me asking

how you came to have

so much cash in the house?

It was a donation.

It was left here anonymously.

And you weren't suspicious

about that?

No, we pray a lot and

we thought it was

the answers to our prayers.

Only it has been mentioned

that you spent close

to five thousand pounds in Comet...

A few days ago.

Digital television.

Mircowave oven.

Dishwasher. Foot spa.

Did you actually pray for

all of these things?

We were praying for comfort

and encouragement.

I think we felt comforted

and encouraged.

By the foot spa?

And the dishwasher.

Samaritans. Oxfam.

Christian Aid.

For Christ's sake,

don't tick them little boxes.

The ones about putting you in touch

with like-minded organisations.

You'll be besieged man.

I'm telling you!

Saint Peter, died AD sixty four.

Alright, don't remind us.

The money... it's robbed.

I know.

Patron Saint of keys,

locks and general security, man.

Including up there.

I'm on the door.

Is it still alright,

if it's robbed?

Can you still do good with it

or should you give it back?

I thought it was a miracle,

but it is just robbed.

Damian. Listen.

One day I was

with you know who, Jesus.

And he went up into the mountains

and thousands of people followed him.

The police said five thousand,

five thousand.

Everybody knows this story.

Loaves and fishes.

See, I knew you'd say that.

That's what everybody says.

This yours?

It's the key to the old house.

Jointed pin tumbler

Engineering perfection.

Anyway, this kid comes up to us,

about your size,

His name was...

no I have forgotten.

I still see him sometimes.

Anyway he comes up

with these loaves and fishes.

Sardines.

And Jesus blesses them

and passes the plate round.

Now the first person

he passes it to, passes it on.

He doesn't take anything.

He just passes it on.

Do you know why?

Because he had a piece

of lamb hidden in his pocket.

And as he is passing the fish,

he sneaks a bit of meat out

and pretends he's taken

it off the plate.

Do you see what I'm saying?

And the next person

exactly the same story.

Every single bastard one

of them has their own food.

And every one of them

is keeping it quiet.

Looking after number one.

But as that plate went round

with the sardines on

They all got their own food

out and started to share.

And then that plate went

all the way round

And back to Jesus

and it'd still got the fish

and the loaves on it.

I think Jesus was a bit taken aback.

He says, 'what happened? '

And I just said 'miracle'.

And at first

I thought I'd fooled him.

But now I see it was a miracle,

one of his best.

But this little kid

had stood up and...

Everybody there just got bigger.

Do you understand

what I'm talking about?

Not really.

I'm talking about you.

Now I'm really lost.

You're trying too hard.

That kid he wasn't planning

on doing a miracle.

He wasn't planning anything,

except lunch.

Something that looks like a miracle

turns out to be dead simple.

But what am I going to do

with all this?

I just want to be good.

Look I can't say too

much about this,

because of that whole

free will thing.

Right?

But...

see this key?

Keep it safe. Alright?

And I'll have a word upstairs...

See if I can get somebody

on your case more permanent.

It's three days left to e-day,

my true love said to me.

Convert your change

or donate to charity.

Huummmmm, marvellous.

There are just three days

left to e-day.

Remember the money in your bank account

has already been converted.

The easiest way to change

any cash you have

is to pay it into your account.

The Sterling becomes Euros

the moment it's paid in.

And if you don't have an account,

why not open one today?

Can I help you at all?

We'd like to open a bank account.

- Is your mum and dad with you?

- No.

Well I need an adult signature.

I need proof of who you are.

Oh we thought of that.

Leisure pass.

I'm afraid you're going to have

to ask your mum to come in.

This isn't enough.

Just ask your mum to come in.

- We can't.

- Why not?

Our mam's dead.

There's two free euros in here

And you can keep the rest

of your money in it.

It's the best I can do.

I told you.

We should have bought a house.

Right if we can't hide it,

at least we can spend it.

- Hello.

- Now that is quality.

That is amazing.

I can see you. Can you see me?

Yeah.

Not here, on there.

Not as well.

I can see you in mine.

This is fantastic.

Anthony.

Why don't we give the money

to the lady with the bin?

It's not ours and

we're never going to spend it all.

She could do good with it.

We just gave her a grand and

look at the trouble it caused.

And if we gave her two hundred

we'll end up in jail.

We're on our own now Damian.

Don't let me down.

Hello.

The speaker went on the bin.

Your dad said he'd fix it.

So I said I'd cook for him.

So you get a decent meal for once.

I'm a fantastic cook.

Aren't I a fantastic cook, Damian?

The size of that school bag.

You'll give yourselvesa hernia,

is that all homework?

- No.

- Yeah.

Er, costumes for the nativity play.

I suppose it is homework really.

I love a nativity play,

can I see them?

- Yeah.

- No.

It's private. Private property...

of the school.

It will spoil the surprise.

Am I going to go too?

Are you going to get

me some tickets?

Well I suppose so.

Well I didn't even know

they were in it.

I get told nothing

you know, nothing.

Are you going to come

and do some chopping?

It's lasagne, your favourite.

Where was the highwaymanan,

Dick Turpin,

hanged in seventeen thirty nine?

- York.

- How did you know that?

- It's York.

- Glasgow... Carlisle...

He knows everything your dad.

- Norwich... York...

- Why don't you go on it,

you'd be great,

wouldn't he, he'd be great.

Fifty fifty please.

It's York!

You'd be a lot less frustrated

if you went on yourself.

Damian, tell him to go on.

You'd like to have a million

pounds wouldn't you?

It's not a million pounds.

It's a million euros.

That's only about...

Six hundred and

twenty three thousand,

one hundred pounds

at today's prices.

At least somebody

has been listening.

Told you it was York.

Jim, I'm so sorry

the answer is York.

We're supposed to go to bed

when this is finished.

Yeah right, go to bed.

But you're supposed

to read us a story.

- I'll get off.

- I'll see you out.

I'll see you out too.

I know.

Come again soon.

- Sucker for women.

- Sucker for men.

Don't forget I want to seethat

nativity play. Your dad'llforget.

Go and get your pyjamas on.

They're good lads.

Nice to have someone to talk

to once in a while, though.

Yeah. Thanks.

I had a great evening.

I know what she's after.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes