Miracle in the Rain Page #3

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back on the shelf.

We seem to have a lot deaf

and dumb art lovers this evening.

Hand me 77.

Here you are, folks.

Seventy-seven,

the luckiest number in the world.

And we have here something special.

A genuine Roman coin.

Folks, this priceless antique was dug up

from the tomb of a cruel caesar.

"Titus Flavius vespasian, imperator,"

meaning "emperor."

Why, folks,

think of what this coin has seen.

If it could only talk...

...it would tell you the story

of the Roman emperors, all of them.

Now, I'm going to offer this museum piece

tonight at your own price.

Now, what am I bid

for this bit of fabled metal?

I wanna buy it.

- It's no good. It's all a swindled.

- No, it isn't.

Will somebody start the bidding?

Do I hear a bid

for this memento of a dead world?

- Do I hear a bid?

- Two dollars.

Two dollars? I am bid $2

for this priceless antique.

Now folks, I want 5.

I have 2 and I want 5.

Four dollars, anybody?

I have 2, I want 4. Two, I want 4.

Folks, I know you came in from outside

to rest your tired dogs...

...but this is ridiculous.

Now, I have 2, I want 3.

I have 2, I want 3.

All done?

Sold for 2 dollars.

Or should I say, "Given away."

Now, folks, I want you to study this clock

I have in my hand.

A genuine Louis Xlv

made in Paris by hand.

This is more than just a timepiece,

it's a genuine work of art.

As long as I've been an auctioneer,

and that is for 25 years...

...I have never beheld

a more beautiful object.

This looks quite antique.

It really does say "Titus Flavius vespasian."

He was a Roman emperor all right.

I wonder if it's real.

You never can tell about Roman coins.

Whatever made you buy it?

I really don't know.

All of a sudden, I got the strangest impulse

and I just had to have it.

- It's for you.

- Oh, no.

Well, that's what the impulse was,

to get it for you. Please take it.

My first gift from a lady.

Not counting Aunt Sarah.

Thanks, Ruthie.

I'm gonna punch a hole in it and wear it

around my neck as a lucky piece.

A French restaurant.

Dixie said I couldn't miss it.

He's mad. Look it,

there are millions of French restaurants.

- Well, there's one. Chez Robert.

- No.

No, I don't think Robert is French.

Is it?

You've gotta say "Robert,"

then it's French.

Well, it looks like a nice place.

But it doesn't sound right.

Wait a minute.

I wrote it down on a piece of paper.

That's my trouble. In a crisis,

my memory always turns into a sieve.

Well, couldn't we go someplace else?

Oh, no, you can't double cross a restaurant

after you make a reservation.

Can you imagine,

the fella even spelled it out for me.

All I remember is he had a French accent.

Oh, here it is.

Caf Normandy, that must be it.

- It certainly sounds French.

- It's the best food in town.

Dixie said they make a French pancake

that's worthy of the Nobel Prize.

Good evening.

I beg your pardon, sir.

Could I talk to you

just a minute, monsieur?

The name is Art Hugenon

and I have a reservation for two.

But I'd appreciate it

if you'd crowd a third chair up, monsieur.

- You have reservation?

- That's right.

- What is your name?

- Hugenon.

- Hugenine?

- Correct.

If it's of any interest, I had a

great-grandfather who was a French count.

- You are French count?

- Oh, not me, my great-grandfather.

Oh, I guess your grandfather

is here to sit down.

- Demetrius.

- You know Dixie Dooley, don't you?

"Dixie Dooley"? What is that?

He said you had the best French pancakes

in New York.

Who said that?

I tell you what I'll do. I'll match you.

Heads, I get my reservation...

...tails, you throw me

and my great-grandfather out into the snow.

- This your grandfather?

- Yes, on my father's side.

- Houligani?

- Correct.

Please wait.

You got a reservation

for somebody Huganof?

- No.

- No reservation?

We don't take reservations

on Saturday night, you know that.

It's a nice sort of, very mixed up,

out-of-town, you know, with his girl.

- Friend of yours.

- Sure, good friend.

Okay.

- There's a booth. I'll hold it.

- Good.

- Come in.

- Hello, mademoiselles.

Come on.

- This way, please.

- Thank you very much.

I thought for a minute that was your

father's song that fellow was playing.

I guess all those songs sound alike

till you get to know them. Thank you.

He's kind of a crazy fellow,

that maitre d', wasn't he?

- Hey, Andy.

- Be right with you, Harry.

I'll have that shot of rye, huh.

What's the matter, Harry?

You look a little pale.

- It finally happened.

- What?

One more, huh.

I've been waiting for it to happen

for years.

- Two Scotch and water.

- Coming right up.

- Bad news?

- Oh, no, no. My daughter, Ruth.

- Ruth Wood.

- Oh, what about her?

She finally came in.

I've been watching the doors for years

in all the joints I've ever played in.

- Did she see you?

- No, I'm safe.

- What do you mean you're safe?

- One more, huh.

Nixed. Now go on in there

and say hello, Harry.

- Do you good.

- Oh, no.

Times I've started to say hello

to both of them...

...I got as far as the house

and just stood there.

Come on, last one. This is an occasion.

- You never went in, huh?

- No, impossible.

They hate me too much, both of them.

Come on, you could be wrong.

Women forgive a fella a lot of times.

No, not me. Not after what I did.

I'll never forget the screams

she let out over the phone.

Her ma, I mean.

She's a nice-looking young woman.

- Well, go on in there and say hello.

- Oh, no, I'd just spoil her fun.

Look, Andy, do me a favor, will you?

Tell the boss I had to leave.

Not feeling too good.

- Okay.

- I'll be on deck tomorrow.

Hey, wait a minute. Which one is it?

See you tomorrow.

Shall we order French pancakes?

Can you keep a secret?

- We're in the wrong restaurant.

- Oh, are you sure?

Definitely. No dance floor.

Dixie Dooley said there was a dance floor

with a blue spotlight on it.

- Well, maybe we better go.

- No, no.

- We haven't got a reservation.

- And Normandy is very popular.

I'm surprised they gave us a table.

That's my lucky piece working.

A genuine Roman coin.

All I have to do is wish for something

and presto. Now, watch.

I'm gonna strain his powers

to the utmost and wish for a waiter.

- You wish to order something now?

- Yes, thank you, just a minute.

Well, are you convinced? A real waiter.

Let's return to the world of reality.

How about some drinks first?

Well, no, thank you. I don't care for any.

- Miss Ullman?

- Oh, no, not for me either.

Three Bacardi cocktails,

two on the sweet side.

Yes, sir.

Three Bacardi's, two a little sweet.

Do me a favor, would you? Ask that

piano player if he'll play that tune again.

- The last one he played a few minutes ago.

- I'm sure he'd be glad to.

I don't drink, really.

Oh, they're just for show.

You sip and hold them.

It will endear us to the management.

How'd you like the way

my magic coin worked?

Oh, it didn't really.

Try it. Wish for something. Wish hard.

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