Miracle Mile Page #2

in an hour and ten.

Maybe seventy-five minutes!

What exactly

are you talking about?

I'm talking about

nuclear f***ing war.

Who is this?

Where's my dad? Go get my dad!

Your dad?

Look, there's nobody here.

Where's he supposed to be?

How the hell would I know?

You're in Orange County.

I'm in North Dakota.

Is this some kind of prank

or something?

Prank? Prank? Oh, God!

Is this 254-9411?

Yeah, it is, but, listen,

it's just a phone booth.

It's a phone booth

at a coffee shop.

Oh, is this 714? Did I dial 213?

Sh*t!

I think they heard me. Sh*t!

Oh, man, they see me

on the monitor. F***!

I patched into

the red line excom to do this.

They're going to nail my ass.

Tell dad...

just tell him that

I am sorry about that summer.

OK? He'll know what I mean.

All right, all right,

look, that's enough.

This is a joke, right?

Yes, sir. No, sir. I was just

checking the circuits, sir.

Wait. Wait!

Security. Should I trace?

Listen,

it's probably a felony...

to joke around on the phone

like this.

- Who are you?

- Who am I?

Listen, I'm just a guy

who picked up the phone.

I don't know if this is a wrong

phone number or a joke or what.

What happened to Chip?

He was just joking, right?

Forget everything you just

heard and go back to sleep.

Oh, sh*t.

The special's getting cold.

Put it back under the light.

Hey, Landa, if I told you

you had a beautiful body...

would you hold it against me?

Will you grow up, Harlan?

This is the Golden State,

this is the Ventura...

this is the 101...

and this is Hogly Pogly's

Tyler Texas Barbecue.

But what is this, then...

if this is the Golden State,

and this is the 101?

I don't know. That's your

noodle. I didn't put that there.

Sh*t.

I just can't figure it out.

OK, this is

the Harbor freeway...

and this is the Santa Monica...

and this is the 405.

- You know the 405, don't you?

- Oh, sh*t.

- Thank God for that.

- Sh*t.

Hey, Landa, didn't I see you

at the nude bowling alley...

out in Puente Hills?

Harlan, Harlan, Harlan.

That's mature, Harlan.

What did she do,

slap you through the phone?

I answered the phone

out there...

Great.

- Can I have this?

- Sure.

This can't be true.

It can't...

It was.

It is.

Jesus Christ.

He grabbed me by the hand.

This is the Hollywood freeway.

This is the Ventura freeway.

Excuse me.

Do you eat here a lot?

Every night.

I was just wondering

if you know...

if anyone here

has a son named Chip?

I had an uncle named Chet.

Hey, I got a new joke for you.

A new joke? Go ahead.

Postman comes to the door, see?

Broad opens the door.

She ain't got no clothes on.

She takes him upstairs,

she fucks his brains out.

Hey, hey, you guys?

Excuse me.

I answered the phone out...

- She takes him to the door...

- Excuse me!

Hands him five dollars, see?

Hey! Hey! You guys!

Hey! Shut up!

Look, this could be

very important.

Does anyone here

have a son in a missile silo?

- A missile silo?

- Yeah, North Dakota.

Chip.

Look, I know how this sounds...

but I answered the phone

out there...

and the guy on the other end,

he was very, very frantic.

He thought I was his dad

for a minute.

I think he just had

the wrong area code.

Yeah? So what?

So he was calling

from a missile silo.

He said that

they were locked in...

fifty minutes and counting...

to shoot off their nuclear wad.

We would be getting it back

in an hour and ten.

I mean,

he meant that we're at war.

Nuclear war.

Who the f*** is this bozo?

I don't know, Harlan. This is

scaring the sh*t out of me.

Yeah, you and me both.

- What's your problem, man?

- It's the witching hour.

All the weirdos come out

just before dawn.

This is probably just

somebody's very sick joke.

I thought so, too, at first,

but if you could've heard him...

I mean, it was just too real

to be wrong.

There's lots of good actors

in this town with insomnia...

and nothing better to do

than stupid things like that.

I saw him on the phone

out there.

I don't know

what he said or heard...

but I saw him on the phone.

- Me, too!

- What a crock! Over what?

Man, are you drunk?

What's the matter with you?

What's wrong with you?

Hey, there's nothing

wrong with me.

That guy on the phone

might be wrong, but I'm not...

and what I heard is right.

Los Angeles.

Do you have today's code?

Can you please tell me,

are we at forced readiness?

Has that been confirmed?

Why would we be at war?

There's no big crisis anywhere.

Not that we know about.

There's never going

to be a good enough reason why.

We would never attack.

If it was the f***ing Russkies,

I might believe it, but not us.

And Thato, too?

When did they leave?

- Landa.

- Thank you.

Landa, you said

we had to strike first...

if it ever came down to it.

Remember, you told me that?

Do you remember?

I remember, Fred.

- Preemptive first strike!

- Sh*t!

They have to evacuate us first,

don't they?

You tell me where to?

And when was the last time...

they told you what to do

in case? There's no plans.

Earth to everybody!

Let's all get back

to reality here.

It's 4:
00 in the a.m. Really!

More java, please.

I hope this isn't happening.

I used to have real awful

dreams about atom bombs.

Come on! We forgot about it!

It doesn't mean

it's not gonna happen!

Come on, Harlan,

we build three warheads a week!

Is the senator in?

Oh, really?

No. It can't be!

OK! I'm very serious

about this sh*t!

Now you tell me now!

You're joking, huh?

Come on, man.

Leave him alone, Fred.

He's just drunk.

Shut the f*** up! Shut up!

If you are, you tell me now.

Why in hell would I

make up this story, huh?

Look, if you want me

to say so, I will, but...

- But what?

- Fred, Fred, put the gun away!

But what?

It's true.

I ain't takin' no chances.

Joe, get the truck!

Jeez Louise, I never seen him

riled up like that before.

Come here. Come here.

What's your name?

- Harry.

- Harry.

Can you repeat the conversation

to me, please...

verbatim, if you can?

- Um, yeah, OK.

- Come on!

Nobody believes this, do they?

I mean, if I said it,

nobody would.

Will you shut up?

Just let him talk.

Go ahead.

OK, well, I answered the phone

because it was ringing.

And the guy,

he just started yelling...

"Dad! Dad! It's happening!

"The big one. We're locked in.

"Thor Arthur 66 DDZ."

Wait a minute.

Say that last part again.

It's Thor Arthur 66 DDZ.

And then he started going,

"Oh, my God!

"We shoot off our wad

in fifty minutes.

"You're going to be getting it

back in an hour and ten."

Then I said something...

and he realized

that I wasn't his dad.

And so I asked him

if it was a prank.

And he went,

"A prank? Oh, God, a prank."

He was just trying to call

his dad in Orange County.

And then, uh...

and then he said,

"They see me on the monitor."

And then someone came in...

and he started going,

"Yes, sir. No, sir."

Then they shot him.

No. No. I heard gunshots.

And then someone else

got on the line.

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