Mischief Page #2

SO, YOU NEVER

HAD ANY, HUH?

I BET YOU:

I COULD GET YOU LAID

IN A MONTH...

WITH MARILYN.

WHY ARE YOU SO INTERESTED

IN MY SEX LIFE?

[ Woman ] OH! OVER THERE.

IT WOULD KEEP ME FROM

GETTING BORED OUT OF MY MIND.

SEE, I GOT TO STAY OU OF TROUBLE, BUT HELPING YOU

WOULD BE KIND OF A CHALLENGE.

YOU KNOW,

A CHARITY JOB.

THANKS,

BUT NO THANKS.

SUIT YOURSELF.

GOT ANY MONEY LEFT?

[ Solo Violin ]

[ Continues ]

MORNING.

MORNING.

I WAS THINKING:

OF TAKING YOU UP

ON YOUR BET.

YEAH?

I'LL EVEN GIVE YOU ODDS.

YOU GOT A LOT OF CONFIDENCE

IN YOURSELF, DON'T YOU?

HOP ON.

[ '50s Rock ]

UP IN THE MORNIN'

AND OUT TO SCHOOL

THE TEACHER IS TEACHIN'

THE GOLDEN RULE:

AMERICAN HISTORY

AND PRACTICAL MATH

YOU STUDYIN' HARD

AND HOPIN' TO PASS

WORKIN' YOUR FINGERS

RIGHT DOWN TO THE BONE

AND THE GUY BEHIND YOU

WON'T LEAVE YOU ALONE

RING, RING GOES THE BELL

THE COOK IN THE LUNCHROOM'S

READY TO SELL:

ALL RIGHT, RULE NUMBER ONE--

MAKE EYE CONTAC EVERY CHANCE YOU GET.

WHAT DO I DO:

WHEN SHE STARES BACK?

KEEP STARIN'.

LOWER YOUR EYES A LITTLE BIT.

GIVES YA A SMOLDERING TYPE

OF LOOK.

IT DOES?

YEAH. YOU KNOW, LIKE

JAMES DEAN IN EAST OF EDEN.

OH! OH, Y-YOU MEAN,

LIKE-- LIKE THIS?

THIS IS:

NOT GONNA WORK.

I-I CAN PRACTICE,

REALLY.

[ Students Chattering ]

WHERE'D

YOU GET THOSE JEANS?

WHAT?

LOOKS LIKE YOU GO A LOAD IN YOUR PANTS.

- MY MOM GOT 'EM.

- SHRINK 'EM.

WHY?

SO YOUR NUTS:

BULGE OUT.

YOU GOT TO LOOK HUNG.

GIRLS DON'T HAVE NUTS,

SO THEY'RE FASCINATED BY 'EM.

- THEY ARE?

- YEAH.

AND DON'T THINK THEY DON' COP A LOOK NOW AND THEN

JUST TO CHECK YOU OUT.

- YOU GOT A HANDKERCHIEF?

- YEAH.

STUFF IT DOWN YOUR PANTS.

[ Jonathan ]

WHOA. HERE COMES MARILYN.

COME HERE.

DON'T STAND THERE

LOOKIN' LIKE A F*GGOT.

STAND UP:

AGAINST THE WALL.

LIFT YOUR LEG UP.

YOU OKAY,

JONATHAN?

JUST A CRAMP.

[ Bell Ringing ]

THIS IS GONNA BE

TOUGHER THAN I THOUGHT.

DROP THE COIN:

RIGHT INTO THE SLOT

YOU GOTTA HEAR SOMETHIN'

THAT'S REALLY HOT

WITH THE ONE YOU LOVE

YOU'RE MAKIN' ROMANCE

[ Gasps ]

OH, MY GOD!

FEELIN' THE MUSIC

FROM HEAD TO TOE

ROUND AND ROUND:

AND ROUND YOU GO

[ Continues ]

HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!

WHAT'S YOUR HURRY?

[ Laughing ]

NO HURRY, KENNY.

I WAS JUST HERE FIRST,

THAT'S ALL.

SLOW DOWN,

LIVE LONGER.

[ T.J., Ted Laughing ]

SEE, I LEFT YOU SOME.

[ Laughing ]

DON'T LET THAT A**HOLE

PUSH YOU AROUND.

EASY FOR YOU TO SAY.

[ Bell Ringing ]

TODAY, LET'S DISCUSS

THE LINE OF SUCCESSION

IN OUR GOVERNMENT.

FOR INSTANCE,

IF PRESIDENT EISENHOWER

WERE TO DIE IN OFFICE,

WE ALL KNOW:

WHO WOULD SUCCEED HIM.

DON'T WE?

NIXON.

NIXON.

RIGHT.

NIXON.

BUT WHO KNOWS:

WHO WOULD BECOME

PRESIDENT IF BOTH...

PRESIDENT EISENHOWER

AND VICE PRESIDENT NIXON

DIED IN OFFICE?

- THE COMMUNISTS.

- [ Laughter ]

[ Teacher ]

NOT QUITE, KENNY.

NOT EVEN THE DEMOCRATS.

[ Kenny ]

SAME DIFFERENCE.

[ Laughter ]

[ Teacher ]

IT MAY SEEM FUNNY TO YOU NOW,

BUT OUR CONSTITUTION...

PROVIDES FOR A PEACEFUL

LINE OF SUCCESSION.

THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE

BETWEEN DEMOCRACIES

AND DICTATORSHIPS.

WHEN A DICTATOR DIES,

IT'S VERY HARD ON PEOPLE,

VERY DIFFICULT.

OHH!

NOW,

THE QUESTION IS--

I'M DYIN'.

WHO WILL SUCCEED

TO THE PRESIDENCY--

I GOT A BONER THAT WON'T QUIT.

IF BOTH PRESIDENT EISENHOWER

AND VICE PRESIDENT NIXON...

WERE TO DIE:

IN OFFICE?

UH, YES.

ROSALIE.

THE SPEAKER:

OF THE HOUSE,

JOE MARTIN.

[ Pencil Rattling

On Floor ]

[ Student Applauds ]

[ Teacher ] AND WHAT IF

JOE MARTIN WERE TO DIE?

WHO WOULD BE NEXT?

NO, ROSALIE.

SOMEONE ELSE.

JONATHAN.

[ Laughter ]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

NOTHING, MISS NEWELL.

I WAS JUST RETRIEVING

MY-- MY PENCIL.

- SURE YOU WERE, JONATHAN.

- [ Classmates Laughing ]

JONATHAN, WHY DON'T YOU

REVIEW FOR THE CLASS

WHAT WE'VE DISCUSSED SO FAR...

ABOUT THE LINE:

OF SUCCESSION:

IN OUR GOVERNMENT.

OOH.

UH, WELL, OF COURSE,

- IF-IF EISENHOWER WERE TO DIE--

- PLEASE STAND UP, JONATHAN.

[ Guffawing ]

[ Laughter Continues ]

UH-- I CAN'T.

- WHY NOT?

- MY-- MY LEG FELL ASLEEP.

[ Laughter Continues ]

STAND UP,

AND PUT YOUR WEIGHT ON IT.

I-- I CAN'T.

WHY NOT?

M-MY OTHER LEG

FELL ASLEEP, TOO.

[ Laughter ]

THEN STAND UP:

AND MASSAGE IT.

[ Chuckling ]

PUT THE BOOKS DOWN,

JONATHAN.

[ Hysterical Laughter ]

[ Children Chattering ]

HERE SHE COMES,

RIGHT ON SCHEDULE.

I-I CAN'T DO IT.

SH*T, JONATHAN. WHERE'S

YOUR SENSE OF ADVENTURE?

HIDING BEHIND MY FEAR

OF HUMILIATION.

YOU GOT NOTHIN' TO LOSE

BUT YOUR CHERRY.

I'VE GOTTEN ATTACHED TO I AFTER 17 YEARS.

GENE!

- [ Loud Bang ]

-[ Dogs Barking ]

[ Groans, Grunts ]

ARE YOU OKAY?

OH, YOU'RE BLEEDING.

I DON'T HAVE A HANKIE.

[ Groans ]

I DO.

OHH.

[ Moaning ]

WHY DID YOU DO THAT?

I'M SORRY. I...

COULDN'T SEE

WHAT I WAS DOING.

[ Nervous Chuckle ]

GOD, MY FIRST BREAST.

[ '50s Rock ]

I OWE IT ALL TO YOU.

THAT'S NOTHIN'.

YOU'RE GOIN' ALL THE WAY.

OOH-WEE, BABY

OOH-WEE

SHH.

BABY, WON'T YOU GIVE

YOUR LOVE TO ME:

EENIE-MEENIE

AND MINIE-MOE

YOU KNOW IT'S YOU

THAT I LOVE SO:

OOH-WEE, BABY

OOH-WEE

BABY, WON'T YOU GIVE

YOUR LOVE TO ME:

[ Continues ]

DON'T THEY HAVE

ANY ELVIS ON THIS BOX?

MR. HEWIT WON'T ALLOW IT.

[ Switch Clicks,

Music Stops ]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

YOU KNOW, THERE'S

A MUCH BETTER VERSION

OF THIS SONG.

[ Coins Clattering ]

[ Button Clicks ]

- YOU LIKE ROCK 'N' ROLL?

- AND CLASSICAL, TOO.

- MY FATHER USED TO PLAY

FOR THE CHICAGO SYMPHONY.

- I'M IN LOVE AGAIN

HAD NO LOVIN'

SINCE YOU KNOW WHEN

NOW, WE'RE COOKIN'.

WHERE'S

YOUR BOYFRIEND?

KENNY?

- AND I'M SAVIN' ALL MY LOVIN'

JUST FOR YOU:

- WE'RE NOT GOING STEADY.

REALLY?

HE THINKS YOU ARE.

[ Clears Throat ]

- I BETTER GET BACK

TO MY FRIEND.

- SEE YOU AROUND.

[ Man ] ROSALIE, YOUR BURGERS

AND FRIES ARE GETTING COLD.

PICK 'EM UP.

BABY, WON'T YOU GIVE

YOUR LOVE TO ME:

TWO COKES,

TWO CHEESEBURGERS...

EENIE-MEENIE AND MINIE-MOE

- AND TWO FRIES.

- TOLD ME YOU DON'T WANT ME

AROUND NO MORE:

THANKS, ROSALIE.

THAT'S-- IT'S OKAY.

OOH-WEE, BABY, OOH-WEE

DID YOU, UM,

GET THE READING LIS FROM OHIO U. YET?

- UH, I-- I GUESS.

- UM, HAVE YOU READ, UH,

- CATCHER IN THE RYE YET?

- NO.

I DON'T GO IN MUCH

FOR BASEBALL STORIES.

[ Laughs ]

ROSALIE.

- PICK UP.

- ALL RIGHT, DAD.

YES, IT'S ME

AND I'M IN LOVE AGAIN

[ Laughing ]

JONATHAN.

HI.

HI.

OH, I'M SORRY.

[ Chuckles ]

YOU FEELING BETTER?

[ Continues ]

OH, YEAH.

[ Chuckles ]

THANK YOU.

LIFE IN NELSONVILLE

MUST BE DULL:

COMPARED TO CHICAGO.

YEAH,

A LITTLE BIT.

YOU SEEN:

REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE?

TWICE.

WANNA GO AGAIN?

IT'S PLAYING AT THE DRIVE-IN,

AND YOU COULD ASK ME.

SURE.

GOOD IDEA.

OKAY, HERE'S MY NUMBER.

- [ Paper Tearing ]

- SATURDAY NIGHT?

- WAS I HEARING RIGHT?

- JONATHAN, I HAD NO IDEA.

SHE ASKED YOU OUT?

HOW COULD I SAY NO?

SHE F***ING ASKED YOU OUT!

YOU GODDAMN BASTARD!

JONATHAN, COME OUTSIDE.

SHE WAS FOR ME.

I TOLD YOU:

I WAS CRAZY FOR HER.

CALM DOWN, JONATHAN.

WHAT IF I HAD SAID NO?

ALL RIGHT, AT LEAST NOW

WE HAVE SOME CONTROL.

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