Miss Nobody
- R
- Year:
- 2010
- 92 min
- 70 Views
Sarah jane:
For a long time,I'd walk into work
convinced they all knew,
They saw right through me,
me and my innocent act,
Which never used
to be an act--
It's who I really was.
I would never
do anything bad, ever!
I always imagined myself
having a simple life--
Find a nice guy, settle down,
live happily ever after.
Who would've thought
Looking for love
would be so tricky?
But like mom always said,
"sarah jane, ambition will put
you in an early grave."
That's me,
sarah jane mckinney,
Administrative assistant
at judge pharmaceuticals.
( elevator bell dings )
Okay, I was a secretary,
Five years and counting.
I was good at my job,
And I even liked it
most of the time.
But you know what they say--
A job doesn't keep you
warm at night
Or make your heart
skip a beat.
I was beginning to wonder--
Had my life been jinxed
right from the start?
When I was a kid,
I was mom's little movie star,
Which explains why she did me
up just like audrey hepburn
For the st. George's
beauty pageant.
Well, that's mom.
I tried to make her happy,
and for good reason...
Claire!
...My dad.
( plays discordant notes )
Claire!
The divorce papers clearly state
that I got rights!
Now, where's
my goddamn daughter?
Shh! Shut up.
Get off me!
Stop!
My mom believed in karma,
That we all got
what we deserved.
But me, I...
I leaned more towards
divine intervention,
My guardian angel.
( bell tolling )
St. George.
Dragon slayer,
patron saint of chivalry,
Knights, romance...
And justice.
( school bell rings )
but ever since then,
St. George
has watched out for me.
Take frankie sheftell.
I thought frankie was
everything a girl could want--
Popular...
Athletic...
( grunts )
( whistle blows )
A serious hottie.
Oh, don't worry.
He survived.
He even asked me
to marry him
Over a milkshake
at the dairy joy.
Mom was heartbroken when
he ditched me at the altar,
But really st. George
had sent me
Another blessing
in disguise.
The blessing was
the salad girl from pizza hut,
And her name turned out
to be dick.
( weeping )
Was I unlucky in love?
You never really know.
to my knight in shining armor.
Please, please, please
grant me this wish.
Show me the right path,
And I promise
I will never let you down,
Never ever ever.
Honest.
I swear it.
I faced life at judge
one day at a time...
With my bff,
charmaine abatemarco.
...Posted right there
on the board.
I says to myself,
"charmaine," I says...
That's so charmaine,
always with the big plans.
She had ambition.
I wish I had big plans.
You know what
I'm saying? Hey!
Hmm?
So I applied,
and I will not
be denied.
You should totally
apply, too.
I mean, I don't know
if you'll get it,
'cause I have
more experience,
But you should
definitely try.
Sarah jane:
Lie?Claire:
That's right, lie.If you want this gig,
you gotta get
A little loosey-goosey
with the facts.
I know, but a master's
in chemistry?
Look, judge pharmaceuticals
is a drug company, right?
Well, if you want to be
an executive,
Vast right-wing conspiracy,
you gotta smell like one.
Yeah, but, mom, it's just--
it's so wrong.
( laughing )
What if they check up?
That's the beauty of lying,
baby, the never do.
They're too busy
lying to themselves.
Come on, honey, look,
do you wanna be like me,
Or do you wanna
be like me?
( coughing )
Oh, mr.--
No, mom,
I got it.
Swallowed
your dentures again!
Mr. Ketchum!
Mr. Ketchum!
There you go.
Cough 'em up.
Cough 'em
right there.
That's our boarder,
mr. Ketchum.
Mom was so tired of fishing
his dentures out of the toilet,
But he was a sweet old man...
Although his alzheimer's
was definitely getting worse.
( stops speaking )
Uh, mr. Ketchum?
Just once,
why couldn't mom rent
To some young,
handsome guy?
Mr. Ketchum?
Dorothy?
Mr. Ketchum! Hi.
I'm okay.
( flushes )
me too.
Thanks.
You okay,
mr. Ketchum?
Okay, mr. Ketchum,
let's go.
Upstairs, beddy-bye.
Go on, you old fart.
How he pays his rent,
I'll never know.
Must have some money buried
in the cellar, huh?
Oh, oh!
Oh, and madame curie,
"chemistry's" spelled
with one "m," not two.
Hmm.
"dear mr. Gabowski,
I have been
An administrative assistant
at judge..."
I worked on that application
until 3:
00 in the morning.I told them
that I loved chemistry,
That I loved
judge pharmaceuticals,
And that I knew that company
from the inside out.
I didn't think of it
as lying,
Just embellishing
a bit.
Look, I omitted the part
about being nominated
For a nobel peace prize.
some wiggle room.
Charmaine:
Oh, my god.What?
You got it!
No!
Yes! A junior executive.
St. George and I
were on our way up.
Secretary-wise,
I knew everybody
and everybody knew me.
There wasn't a xerox copier
I couldn't ink,
A bigalow's tea bag
I couldn't locate.
But that? That was
ancient history.
I'd moved up
to judge pharmaceuticals
Famed division four.
My first day
as a junior executive,
I toasted st. George
with a double-shot
low-fat hazelnut latte
And fortified myself
with estee lauder
Perfume freebies
at nordstrom's.
Stop by confession first
or nordstrom's?
Nordstrom's.
Mm. Sexy.
Constipated, period?
Nope.
Cramps, eczema, asthma?
No.
Mm. Ah-ha. So.
You gonna knock
'em dead or what?
Do I know you
from somewhere?
Charmaine abatemarco,
honeybun.
Seventy-five words
per minute,
coffee always fresh,
And don't you
dare forget me.
Hey, sarah jane!
Don't you dare.
Oh. Uh, you must be
miss mckinney.
Milo beeber.
( sighs )
They didn't
tell you.
Tell me?
St. Louis division
flew me in last Friday.
They didn't tell you.
Oh, a-all I know
is that I applied
For this job a month ago,
and mr. Grabow--
Grabowski's been fired.
Oh.
Promotion's off.
Oh.
Um, I assume
this is yours, yes?
Uh-huh.
And...
Yeah.
I'm being let go?
Oh, no, nothing
like that.
You get to be
my new secretary.
Will that be all, sir?
Um... Coffee.
Coffee?! He actually
said that?
Mm-hmm! Translation--
put up, suck up, or die!
But still, oh!
Ugh!
He's kind of cute.
Charmaine abatemarco!
I'm just saying, you know,
he could be quite a catch.
What?
Sweetie, look.
It wasn't but a minute ago
You were all set
to marry frankie numb-nuts.
Remember him?
You wanted to start
Popping out
little pygmies,
Grow an industrial-sized ass,
and settle down
For a nice long run
as a housefrau?
When that didn't fly,
you set your sights
on the executive suites.
Why? Hey! 'cause you're
a survivor, right?
All I'm selling now
is survive more!
Combine the two
and become mrs. Beeber,
Executive housefrau.
No, uh-uh, no way.
I don't even know
if this beeber guy
is even attracted to me.
Rule of thumb--
if the new boss
Is even
the least bit game,
He starts with
the wandering hand disease.
At first, his wrist
Will accidentally
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