Miss You Already Page #8

No, Jess, they're not.

They're revolting.

So I have these for you.

Oh, my God.

Unworn. They're a touch

too showy for this place.

Wow, you're really going, aren't you?

Why else would I be giving you

my best pair of shoes?

I'm holding on.

Good.

Please don't let the kids forget me.

Tell them all the things we did.

You're my expert witness.

Even the time you punched out

the police officer

and then threw up in a bin?

Well... edit the student years.

OK.

Never stop telling them I loved them.

All right, put them on.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. These feel right.

What are these, a good seven inches?

- Just what every girl needs.

- That's what she said.

(JESS) Not so bad.

Will you always think of me

when you wear the shoes?

Both times.

- Jago likes my Birkenstocks, PS.

- You are kidding yourself.

(GROANS)

Oh!

(BLEEP)

- 'Hello.'

- Jay!

'This is Jago.

I can't come to the phone right now.

'I'm either sleeping or drilling.'

(BLEEP)

I think the baby's coming early.

Come home.

Please come home!

Oh, God.

(MOBILE VIBRATING)

Pick up, pick up.

Pick up.

(MOBILE CONTINUES VIBRATING)

- Pick up.

- 'Hello?'

Ah!

The baby's coming.

Oh!

Jessie...

Mills, help.

Oh, no. I'll be there, I'll be there.

Don't panic, I'm coming.

Get my shoes.

The baby's coming.

I have to go... now.

You can't go. She'll manage.

She's got a midwife.

- Don't touch the morphine. Ssh.

- Don't shush me, Kit.

Fine, I'll get a nurse who can shush you.

Oh, Mum. I have to be there.

Sod it. I'll get you in the wheelchair.

OK.

Let me get you up.

OK, up you go. Up.

Up. OK.

Take the shoe.

Don't worry about the boots,

we'll put them on in the taxi.

- Good. Now got your glasses? OK.

- Yes.

OK. Your phone?

OK. We'll take those.

OK, we're off, baby.

Just wait here.

Wait here.

Mum?

Is everything all right, Doctor?

Yes. This patient has acute cephalgia

and requires oxygenation.

Ten long years on a hospital soap,

I knew it would come in handy.

- Give us a bloody hand.

- OK, missus.

Don't you need an ambulance?

No, but you will

if you don't get across London

in under 20 minutes.

Now get a cocking move on.

Let's go. OK, up.

You've still got it, Mum.

- I want Milly.

- Breathe.

(ANNOUNCEMENT) '4-4-5-6. Jago O'Leary.'

'Please call immediately.

I repeat, Jago O'Leary, call 4-4-5-6.'

(MIRANDA) Can you speed it up a bit?

- I'm doing my best, this is London.

- I know, I know.

Get me the bloody morphine.

(MIRANDA) Do you have satellite navigation

or GPS? What do you have?

I know, I'm being a back-seat driver,

I'm sorry.

You turn left here!

- I should've called an Uber.

- Now, now.

What the...?

Trying to get some sleep here, mate.

I'm trying to watch my wife

have a baby, mate.

What, now?

There it is!

(MIRANDA) There's the hospital coming up.

(DRIVER) OK.

(MIRANDA) How much is it?

(DRIVER) Have this one on me, love.

I haven't got anything.

I haven't got nothing.

Me neither.

Oh, come on.

(MIRANDA) I think this is it.

(MIDWIFE) Well done.

Oh, my God, Jess!

(MIDWIFE) Take a breather.

You can have that baby now.

- Glad you're here.

- Me, too.

How could you not tell me

this was this painful?

Where's your badge?

Oh, I'm not a doctor.

Oh, it's a long story. I'm her mother.

- How did you do this twice?

- I don't know.

- It won't connect.

- Try the router up on the bed.

Right, OK, come on.

Stop rubbing my shoulders.

I need a knife.

I just wanna cut the baby out.

- She's usually very sweet.

- No, I'm not!

I'm an evil b*tch

and that's why God is hurting me like this.

I can't do it.

- Jess, sweetie. Sweetie. Look at me.

- I can't do it. I thought I could, I can't.

I know right now it feels like

you're shitting out a pineapple.

- Yeah.

- I know that.

But trust me, this is the best thing

you will ever do. So keep pushing.

Keep pushing, I know you can do it.

OK. OK.

(MIDWIFE) Good.

- You got anything, Jago? Nothing?

- That's it.

- (BLEEPING)

- Yeah, got it, got it, got it.

- Keep going. Keep going.

- That's it. That's it.

(MOBILE RINGING)

It's Jago.

- How do I use it?

- (MILLY) Answer.

- Miranda?

- 'Oh! Jago. Hi.'

- Your wife's a bit of a cougar, man.

- That's not my wife, mate.

Miranda, put the camera on Jess.

Yes, yes, I will.

You evil bastard.

'How can you not be here right now?'

I know, baby. I'm so sorry.

I wish I was there, I really do.

- 'I really wanna be with you.'

- She's nearly there.

OK.

Miranda, put the camera

down the business end.

- 'I wanna see my baby being born.'

- Are you sure?

'Yeah. Do it. Do it. Do it.'

I guess I've done worse films.

(MIDWIFE) Come on, Jess.

That's it. That's all right.

Yeah, that's it.

Baby's coming.

Here we go.

Go on, baby, that's it.

- You can do it, you're almost there.

- OK. OK.

- Hey, push, push! Push! Push!

- (ALL) Push! Push!

Keep going.

- That's it, Jess. Go on, baby. I love you.

- (ALL) Push! Push!

I can see the head.

Yeah, yeah!

Oh, it's coming. It's coming.

- (MAN) It's a baby!

- (ALL CHEER)

I love you, Jess.

Hey... hey...

What is it? Is it a boy or a girl?

What is it?

'It's a beautiful baby...'

Sh*t!

(MIDWIFE) Can you get me the towel, please?

Let me take a picture for the father.

Smile for daddy.

Lovely.

- Hey.

- Ssh.

Oh, wow.

- He's amazing.

- Isn't he beautiful?

Look at him.

(MILLY WHEEZING)

(KIT) 'I'm reading this book

at the moment called...'

(KIT GIGGLES)

(MILLY) 'Where did you get that book?

I can't believe...'

'I'm laughing so much it's making me cry.

Going to the other side...'

(BEN AND SCARLETT) 'Mumsy, like this.

Mumsy, like this.'

(BEN) Why do I have to eat a pea?

(KIT) 'A pea. He ate a pea.'

(MILLY) 'I can't tell

if you're good or bad.'

(MIRANDA) 'Let's do this the English way.

Cup of tea.'

(JESS) 'Think he just insinuated

that you don't need to lose any weight.'

(MILLY) 'I do need

to change my underwear, though.'

(HOWLING)

(WHISPERING) Vodka tonic.

What?

(WHEEZING CONTINUES)

What are you saying?

Vodka... tonic.

You want a vodka tonic now?

No.

Pre-order it.

From the bar upstairs?

I love you.

(DOOR OPENS)

(SOBS)

(WHISPERS)

I love you so much.

So much.

(JESS) Perfect.

OK, that's great.

OK, guys, lunch.

- It's ready.

- (BEN AND SCARLETT) Yay!

'Before she died, Milly made Kit promise

that he would re-marry

'after a required period

of deep and inconsolable mourning.

'Obviously I was at the top of the list.'

'Obviously that was never going to happen.

'Yeah, this one came about

in a more pleasurable method.

"'Shakespeare's Shags"

was a huge hit for Miranda

'and even her love-life got a third act.

'I'm happy for them.

'For me it's different.

I've tried a couple of new best friends.

'I even bought a puppy.

'But Milly would be delighted to know that

I'm finding it impossible to replace her.

'Well... almost.'

( PALOMA FAITH:
"THE CRAZY ONES")

Oh, it's the crazy ones

The crazy ones

We'll never forget, oh

Cause it's the crazy ones

The crazy ones

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