Mixed Nuts Page #2

dropping in and out of my baby's life.

I'm not a loser, I'm an artist.

Why can't you paint on canvas

or paper like anyone else?

Because, I'm a wall artist!

But you don't have a wall!

But someday I will have a wall.

Someday I'm gonna do my

masterpiece on a great big wall.

Right out there

on the boardwalk.

And you're gonna be in it and

the baby's gonna be in it.

And the sand and the sea and the

stars are gonna be shining!

Mmm, I want a businessman.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about breaking up, Felix.

That's what I'm talking about.

Oh, come on, honey.

I'm leaving.

Where you going?

I'm going for a walk.

Gracie, honey, come on.

You're just stressed.

And don't try

to follow me either!

Susan! It's Philip.

Uh, uh, let me just go somewhere

private where we can talk.

Tannenbaum's evicting us. The bastard!

I'm sorry, Philip.

You're gonna have to get another job.

Susan,

I've never asked you for money

before, but you're a loan officer.

And a small loan, say

$5,000, could save us.

I don't know what else to do. I

don't know how to tell Catherine.

She's sitting out there knitting something.

A potholder.

I hate to talk about money

at a time like this.

A time like what?

Oh, God, I don't know

how to say this.

This is really hard for me. My

psychiatrist thinks we should break up.

What? I didn't know you were

going to a psychiatrist.

I'm not actually going to one. I've

been dating one for four months.

This is so sudden.

I didn't want to tell you

this over the phone.

I really wanted to fax you.

But you don't even have a fax.

Susan?

Susan?

It's so quiet suddenly.

You'd expect everyone to be

thinking of jumping out of windows

or slitting their wrists on

Christmas Eve, wouldn't you?

Merry Christmas. Lifesavers.

How may we help you?

Hello? Hello?

Hello? Static again.

Hello? Hello? Hello?

I can't hear you.

Try clicking the little button.

I'm having a problem hearing.

Look, I'm at the end of my

rope, and I want to die.

Click it. Click it, please.

Go ahead.

Hmm. We were disconnected.

If a person's really upset,

they always call back.

It's working.

Oh, what fun it is to ride

in one-horse open sleigh.

Jingle bells, jingle bells

jingle all the way.

Oh, so much fun it is to

ride in one-horse open.

Help!

Help! Hey!

I like eating cheese it

tastes very nice Help! Help!

I'm stuck up here! Everyone loves

cheese especially white mice.

Can't you hear me? Hey, Mr. Capshaw!

Jingle, jangle, jing

I'm stuck up here!

Can't you hear me?

Jingle, jangle, jang.

I like to eat stew

it tastes very good

Wait!

Wait! I'm up here!

Are you deaf?

We could have a charity ball.

Who would I take?

We could have a garage sale.

Susan has all my old records.

Oh, geez!

A call! I'll get it!

Line one.

Hello, this is Lifesavers.

Merry Christmas.

Am I disturbing you?

No, no, no, not at all.

I'm very lonely tonight.

Is there any chance

I could stop by and talk?

Well, it's not in the rules, but if you are

willing to make a donation, say, five grand.

I'm kidding!

Everyone makes fun of me.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Please, can't I come by?

I don't want to be alone.

No. No, no, no. We have

rules, but we're listening.

Everyone at Lifesavers

is with you.

Talk to us.

I'm so alone. "So alone."

Is there anyone in your

family you can call?

No, they hate me.

Hate you. What about church?

Please, can't I stop by?

I'll only stay a minute.

I need to see someone.

Please, just give me

the address.

I cannot give out the address.

It's Christmas.

It's 17 Pier Street! Thank you.

I'll be right over.

On the first day of Christmas

My true love gave to me.

A partridge in a pear tree.

On the second day

of Christmas.

My true love gave to me.

Hey, Arnold Schwarzenegger!

Come on, hang some tinsel.

Dad, I hate it

when you call me that.

Arnold! Arnold! Arnold!

Arnold! Arnold! Arnold!

Arnold! Arnold! Arnold!

On the third day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

Testing. Testing.

One, two, three, four.

Help! Yoo-hoo!

Hey!

Hey! Hey, hey!

Hey! Hey, hey!

Yoo-hoo!

Hey!

Hey!

I'm stuck in the elevator.

Hey!

I'm stuck in the

elevator get me please.

Come to get me

on Christmas Eve.

Mrs. Munchnik sitting

here with nothing.

Hey, come to get me...

Oh! God. Whoa! Hey!

Come... Now come to get

me stuck in this place.

Get me soon

or hit me in my face

I can't believe I did it.

I broke the rule.

I gave out our address.

I hate it when they cry.

Especially when the cries have

those little hiccups at the end.

This is the worse day

of my life.

It's the Santa Anas.

Everyone's behaving strangely.

What if he's a serial killer? What if I

gave our address to the Seaside Strangler?

I don't think the Seaside

Strangler phones first,

although it could be one of those details

they leave out of the newspapers.

I'll handle this.

Hello, this is Lifesavers. Merry Christmas.

How may I help you?

Hello. I'm calling you because

this is my last Christmas.

Your last Christmas. Continue.

I have leukemia. I have

only two months to live.

Hello?

Leukemia. I'm so sorry, sir.

May I speak to a woman?

May I wish a woman

Merry Christmas?

Absolutely. And may I say

that I admire your courage.

All of us here do.

Here is my colleague.

Hello. Merry Christmas,

if it's all right to say that.

What's your name? Catherine.

I want to do it to you. I want

to stick it in you right now!

Did he say, "stick it in"?

Oh, I'm reaming and ramming!

Oh, you love it!

Stop it, right this minute!

We can't have that sort of thing!

I want you.

Put the slut back on!

Dog haters, that awful woman

is stuck in the elevator.

Stuck. I hope forever.

I'm stuck!

We're coming, Mrs. Munchnik!

I hope it takes them

years to get you out.

It'll serve you right for

reporting Daisy to the landlord.

She practically gave me rabies!

You don't "practically"

get rabies.

You either get rabies or you don't get rabies.

There's no in between.

I'll get that!

What seems to be the problem?

I'm sure I don't know.

I am a trained mechanic, and I

would happily fix any elevator

that didn't have

a dog hater stuck in it!

I'll check

the circuit breaker box.

Well, who was that?

Another basket case?

That was your dead

husband's sister.

They're starting dinner without you.

Lucky them!

- I'm calling the landlord.

- Don't think I don't know

what's really going on

between you and those dogs!

Stanley, if you could just

come over, please. I can't.

Please, Stanley? She can't spend

Christmas in an elevator.

In a couple of hours. Thank you.

Hello. Lifesavers.

Catherine. Oh, hi, Gracie.

Finally, you're off the phone.

Don't you ever stop yakking?

We're supposed to talk on the phone.

That's why we're here.

Yes. Right. Is something wrong?

You've got to let me spend

the night at your place.

Felix is acting

totally irrational.

He ran off in my Santa suit,

which I could have sold today.

What?

It's not the fuse box. Of

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