Mixed Nuts Page #3

course it's not the fuse box!

It is a short inside.

I saw an electrician

fix it last week.

All you need is a screwdriver,

and I will tell you what to do.

I think there's one

in the earthquake kit.

Catherine!

Hold on a second, Gracie!

What is it, Philip?

Would you get the screwdriver

out of the earthquake kit? Oh.

Wait, wait, wait! Do you really

think we ought to use it?

Suppose we take it out and forget to put

it back and then the big one comes?

There's a law that all

businesses, even nonprofit,

have to have complete earthquake kits.

Get it!

I'll get it!

Come here first, and I'll

take you over to Mother's.

She'll be terrified

if you ring the bell.

Why? Is she gonna think

I'm the Seaside Strangler?

She is a little nervous. Does she

fit the descriptions of the victims?

Uh, not really. For me?

Then why is she carrying on?

Uh-oh. There he is. Gracie?

I'm never speaking to him

again, even if he begs me.

- Gracie? Gracie?

- Gracie! Yoo-hoo!

Gracie!

Honey, come on! Come home.

Come back to me.

I'll get a regular job. You had a regular

job making pizza and you messed it up.

The manager hated me. You

never showed up on time!

I'm a wall artist!

You're a wall artist with no

wall, which makes you a nothing!

Yeah, you tell him, lady.

You ruined our tree.

Shut up! You're both

materialistic idiots!

Yeah! Hey!

Hold on.

It's pajamas. Ah.

I knitted them.

Thank you. Everyone's always giving

the bride things to wear to bed,

but no one ever gives

the groom anything.

The thing is, I'm never

getting married.

Of course you are. You're

getting married in four months.

Be patient. Everything

comes to him who waits.

I don't really believe that.

I've been saying things like that for

so long, they just pop out of my mouth.

But the truth is nothing

comes to him who waits.

Merry Christmas. Lifesavers.

Hello. I'm so upset.

I'm listening.

I was in the supermarket and

everyone was buying big turkeys,

and I was standing in the ten-items-and-under

line with a boneless chicken breast.

I know.

I suddenly realized

I was going to be

in the ten-items-and-under

line the rest of my life.

I know.

Are you all right?

Catherine, what's wrong?

Let me handle this.

May I help you?

Is she all right?

She'll be all right.

She's just so sympathetic.

May I put you on hold

while I run to my desk?

You're not calling from

a bridge or holding a weapon?

No. Good.

Have yourself

a merry little Christmas.

Catherine O'Shaughnessy,

get a grip on yourself.

Okay, so the only present

you got is from your mother.

So? You have nothing to do on New Year's

Eve for the tenth consecutive year.

You're a very lucky person.

You have a wonderful job.

You have a wonderful job.

So there. So there!

Have yourself

a merry little Christmas

Now

Well, just remember that in

every pothole there is hope.

Well, you see, pothole

is spelled p-o-t-h-o-l-e.

So if you take the "p" and add it

to the "h," the "o" and the "e"...

And rearrange the letters,

or contrariwise,

remove the "o", "t" and

"I," you get "hope."

So, just remember,

"In every pothole

there is hope."

Now, thank you for calling

and call again any time.

Are you feeling better?

In every pothole there is hope.

My father used

to say that to me.

I remember.

He said it to me only a day or two before

he walked out the door and was run over...

By a truck full of mixed nuts.

Oh, I have something for you.

Merry Christmas, Catherine.

Oh, Philip! Thank you!

Fruit of the month club.

For three months.

First you get apples, then you

get oranges, then you get pears.

I'll take that wrapping. It's okay.

I save the wrapping.

I save it too.

I make ornaments.

I paid for it! Give it to me!

Give it to me.

Give it to me.

Philip, what's this?

This is an eviction notice.

This says we have to be out of the

building by the end of the year.

Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh!

Oh, my gosh! It's Christmas.

I didn't want to upset you.

We have to move!

We have to find someplace!

We don't have any money. Philip, you

can solve this. I know you can.

When the city of Los Angeles was going

to chop down healthy elm trees,

just in case they got

Dutch elm disease,

you handcuffed yourself

to a tree.

And called the newspaper!

I'll call the newspaper!

Two weeks from now I'll be home,

unemployed, with my Royal Riviera Pears.

May I have the number of the Los Angeles Times?

I'm gonna pray for a miracle.

Thank you.

- Hey, d*ckheads!

- I'm coming, Mrs. Munchnik!

Don't tell her anything! Get

me out of this elevator!

You have reached

the Los Angeles Times.

If you would like to order a

subscription, please press one.

If your newspaper did not

arrive this morning, press two.

If you would like to place

a classified ad, press three.

If you would like to speak to the

editorial desk, city desk, national desk,

international desk, sports desk,

metro, view or calendar sections,

press the first three letters

of the desk you desire

followed by the star key in

the case of the first three,

or the pound key in the case

of the latter five. Help!

I'm coming! I'm coming!

Here you go. I'll just pull you through the roof.

Come on, Mrs. Munchnik.

I got you, I got you.

I called the landlord.

He'll be here in two hours.

I can't wait two hours!

I have to go to the bathroom!

Just hang on. We'll have

you out in a minute.

I can't hold it!

Hurry up you oaf!

Oh, my god! Oh, my god!

Philip, are you all right?

Do I look like I'm all right?

I'm slipping, I'm going to crash.

Hold onto my wrist.

You're hurting my wrist. Bring the

elevator back! Bring it back.

You have two innocent people

up here dangling.

Who's down there?

Whoever you are, stop on four!

No, three! Three!

Stop on three, not four!

Gracie, come on!

Where you going?

It's coming back!

We're gonna be crushed!

Do you have anything to say

to Susan? Any last words?

She broke up with me!

Push stop! Push the red button!

What red button? Is someone talking to me?

I'm talking to you!

Help. Help! Push the red button!

Don't you hear me?

God, help! We're gonna die!

We're gonna die!

We're dead! I knew it!

Please save us! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

No! No! No!

Ah, Gracie, come on!

Come on, honey!

I promise I'll be a good guy. I'll

even give you the Santa suit back.

I have to pee! Help!

Here it is.

I'm taking off the goofy boot things.

Let me in!

Are you okay? Oh, please!

Put your clothes on, Felix.

Open this door now!

We have an employee who

desperately needs to get in.

Let me in right now!

Oh! I'm in agony!

What is wrong with you?

Young lady, this restroom

is property of Lifesavers!

You let me...

Calm down. My God. You don't

have to get so excited.

Gracie, please come home

for the holidays.

I'm never coming back! Felix,

would you please get dressed?

Do you know these people?

Yes. Gracie, this is Philip.

Felix, Philip.

Hi. Yeah, we met.

We have? Yeah, when you

crashed into the tree.

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