Mixed Nuts Page #4

I didn't crash into the tree.

You crashed into the tree.

Yeah, so we met.

And this is Mrs. Munchnik.

Oh, hello.

Well, you two had better make

up before that baby comes.

Well, I have two months to think about it, okay?

Don't be ridiculous.

You're going to drop any day.

It does look large.

Of course. It's mine. I just got

out of prison seven months ago.

And you're the only person who

could be the father? What?

Excuse me? Is it true?

Is what true? What she said.

Is it true?

I'm a slut now, Felix?

Who's the father?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, no! This

is what I'm talking about!

Wait a minute! This is a

nonprofit organization!

There are laws against this!

Felix, you're a maniac!

Oh, Gracie, look what you did.

He's bleeding!

Hello, Evelyn?

Yes, I'm finally out.

Felix will need stitches. We'll

have to take him to the hospital.

Who's gonna pay for it? We can't even

afford to have our baby in a hospital.

I know. We'll take him to the vet.

Dr. Kinsky will help us.

Yes, I'll be there

in just a few minutes.

Just a minute.

What is it? You'll have to stay and

cover the phones while we're out.

I'm going to have to stay and cover the phone.

They want me to stay longer.

Is that incredible? Mrs. Munchnik, you

have driven this man into a frenzy.

It was like lighting

dry leaves with a match!

You have a responsibility.

They're making me feel guilty.

I will be at your house

sometime before next Christmas!

But that's all I have to say.

Thank you. Are you coming, Gracie?

You're okay.

No way.

- Just relax, Felix.

- You'll like Dr. Kinsky.

He's not just a friend,

he put my dog to sleep.

If you go into labor or

anything along those lines,

just don't expect

any help from me.

I am not a midwife.

I never expect help.

Dr. Kinsky's an expert

on potbelly pigs.

You ought to get one,

Catherine.

You can house train them,

and they can find fungi.

If they get in bed with you, they stick

their nose under the covers and root

which I think is so sweet.

I hate pigs.

How can you hate pigs?

They have those cute

little curly tails.

I hate their cute

little curly tails.

Hello, Catherine

Hello, Louie. I was just

coming upstairs to see you.

I got a present for you.

Something...

Personal

I'll be right back. We're just

taking this man to the vet.

- Is he rabid?

- Hardly.

He's simply a poor, unemployed

person in a bad relationship.

That's what they said

about old Yeller.

I'll see you later, Louie.

I'll be waiting

Can I use your scissors instead

of these ones? Oh, yes.

Do you mind if I cut up your eviction notice?

That would be just fine.

Do you have any tape?

I think there's some

in that drawer.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute!

Oh, my...

Oh, that Philip!

How dare he not tell anyone!

He is going to pay for this!

He is going to pay for this or

my name is not Blanche Munchnik!

Here, lie down.

Dr. Kinsky?

Hello?

I'll be right back.

Is anyone here? Marshall?

Dr. Kinsky? Merry Christmas.

What? Oh!

Hi, Philip. I can't talk.

I'm in a rush.

We got a problem.

You gotta help.

I can't. I gotta go.

Felix is bleeding like crazy. He was

hit in the head with a fruitcake.

How'd that happen?

Lovers' quarrel.

Philip, please, don't go

anthropomorphic on me.

I'm up to my eyeballs in people that

think that animals have feelings.

I don't think you understand.

Come on, I'll help you.

I'll take care of it.

Just do me a favor.

Spare me the melodrama.

Take Felix out of his

box, put him in here.

I'll be right back. Take

Felix out of his box.

Hi, Pepper, Ginger,

Vinny, Duke, Scotty, Billy.

Hi. Hi, hi. I'm running late.

What is it now?

A cat with a concussion.

That's the way it's always going to be, isn't it?

The animals always come first!

Well, Merry Christmas! Not

that you even celebrate it!

Wait! Wait! No, wait! Hey! Oh!

A person named Felix.

Before there were cats named Felix,

there were people named Felix.

You'll find, if you look that

up, the opposite is true.

Hi, Pancho. Hi, little Pancho.

You don't have to worry.

You don't have a dream.

All you want is food and love.

It's all I want.

I want to be a wall artist.

You can make people happy

by chasing a stick.

I have to raise $5,000 or I'm going

to hurt two people I care about.

I care about Gracie.

I care about Vanessa.

I care about Catherine and Mrs. Munchnik.

What about Susan?

Susan's gone. Gracie's gone.

Vanessa's gone.

Give up women, Pancho.

Tomorrow he will.

Ooh, that's gotta hurt.

Oh, no. Once he takes a couple of

these, he won't know what hit him.

We never know what hits us, then

one day we're talking in falsetto.

Stay. Let me ask you something.

How many pillows does Susan

have on her bed? About 12.

See? What is it with women and pillows?

How many do you need?

How many do you need? Two!

One for you and one for her!

Yeah.

Vanessa has all these pillows!

She's got round ones.

She's got heart-shaped ones.

She's got those pillows with the...

Stuff around the edges.

Ruffles? Yeah.

So you want to go to bed, you

gotta take all the pillows off!

Then in the morning, you

gotta put them all back on!

What is the point?

Marshall! Lifesavers

is about to go under.

I don't care about pillows!

What's wrong with him?

Oh, my God!

Come on. Come on! Get up! Get up!

Felix! Felix! Felix!

What happened? He took an

overdose of dog tranquilizers!

Oh, my gosh, Felix!

Get him up! Get outta the way!

Walk him around.

Get outta the way!

Keep him moving! Keep moving!

How can you possibly be

friends with these people?

I beg your pardon, Philip.

Where did you find them?

If you must know, I met Gracie at an

adult children of alcoholics meeting.

Was your mother an alcoholic?

No.

Was your father? No.

I went because someone told me

it was a good place to meet men.

Of course, I didn't meet a man.

That goes without saying.

I met Gracie, though,

and she breaks my heart.

And because I care about

her, I care about Felix.

I'm not like you, Philip. I'm not one of

those people who's only good on the phone.

That's not true. I'm good in person.

In person, you blame everyone.

You did something

wrong at the office.

You gave out our address.

Did I blame you?

No. I blamed the Santa Anas.

I don't even know

what the Santa Anas are.

They're dry winds from

the desert that blow...

Oh, shut up.

Don't just stand there.

Call an ambulance.

That's something

you'll be good at.

I'm glad that we're

not working together.

I'm glad this is our last week!

Felix, if Gracie had any idea what

you've done, she would be devastated.

Oh, that's probably Felix.

Well, I can assure you, if you think

your husband is having an affair, he is!

He says, "I'm in my office,

honey, eating Chinese food."

I don't care if he's dying.

I'm not gonna answer it.

Read his mail. Read it!

That's the delightful way I found

out that I'm about to be jobless.

You're kidding. That's right.

Fine.

Hello?

How can I do it to you, baby,

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