Modern Life Is Rubbish Page #2

And I will love you

All the time

So please

Put your sweet hand

In mine

So how was your thing

last night?

It's gone really well,

actually.

Working something out with a promoter.

Putting a massive gig together.

- It's all looking pretty f***ing fonzie.

- Okay. I was just asking.

We don't have to drag it out like this.

You know?

I mean, I could just

copy these for you.

Or you could upload them if you

just got yourself an iPhone.

I refuse to join the ranks

of the Sudoku-playing,

Kindle-reading,

latte-slurping, iPhone-wearing

clones that adorn this city,

oblivious to the fact that their

individuality has been co-opted

by a handful

of global multinationals!

F*** the iPhone!

Okay.

You still sticking with the same name?

For the EP?

- Yeah.

- Hip Operation?

Yes.

It's clever.

It works on

two different levels.

But you wouldn't get that,

would you?

Fine.

I know you won't listen to me. You never

listened to me about the name of the band.

What's wrong with

the name of the band?

Head Cleaner?

[scoffs]

Yeah.

You used to get those cassettes

that clean fluff off tape decks.

It's like a reference to musical history.

It's retro.

And everybody knows having "head" in the

name of a band is like a lucky charm.

- Plus it sounds cool.

- And it works on two different levels.

Correctamundo.

Yeah. All right, fine.

Yeah, I can dig it.

- So what about the, uh... the dynamic?

- Well, that's obvious.

You on bass, Gus on drums.

I'm the front man.

Lead guitar and vocals.

- Hang on. Why do you get to be the front man?

- Because I'm lead guitar.

- Exactly.

- What do you mean, exactly? Exactly what?

It'll cloud your focus.

Maybe I should be the front man.

Then it'll cloud your focus.

Besides, you're just a bass player.

If you wanted to be front man, you should

have learned a different instrument.

- Bass players can't be the front man.

- Oh, right.

I guess you haven't heard of an obscure

little band called the Police?

Or some random bloke called

Paul Mc-f***ing-Cartney?

- [bangs snare drum]

- I could be the front man. Like Dave Grohl.

Well, if I shoot myself in the mouth with a

shotgun, maybe you'll be given a chance.

But until that day,

I'm the f***ing front man.

What's up, boys?

Rehearsal's

not going well?

Just having

some creative differences.

You know how it is,

Len.

[laughing]

I know a geezer

you should meet.

[laughs] Yeah.

Yeah, he'll put the jam

in your sandwich, all right.

What,

is he a manager?

Yeah, sort of. He's more like

a kind of groove doctor.

You know,

audio alchemist.

Sonic surgeon.

Legend has it he gave

Shaun Ryder his first E.

Helped Johnny Marr crack the

riff for "This Charming Man."

Kept the Gallaghers

from killing each other.

For a bit.

I mean,

if I could find him...

Yeah, you should

definitely talk to him.

Could be tricky

though.

He had to disappear for a while after

that business in the hotel in Amsterdam.

What's his name?

No one knows

his real name.

They just call him

the Curve.

- [snickering]

- No, no, no, no.

No, he's the real deal,

lads.

I'll put a word out, yeah?

See what I can do.

Stick it to the man, boys.

- Rock and roll!

- Yeah!

- [loud rock music playing, muffled]

- [people chattering, faint]

[sighs] I'm just saying,

it's been three days.

I just thought I would have

heard from him. You know?

Men are only good for one thing.

I've told you that.

Maybe it's because

he doesn't have a phone.

What is he, a caveman?

How could he not have a phone?

Something about not wanting to conform?

I don't know.

- He sounds weird to me.

- He is.

But I kind of liked him.

I don't get it.

It was all so perfect.

Maybe that's why he hasn't called.

Commitment-phobe.

- [knocking]

- Hide. Hide. Hide.

- [rock music continues, muffled]

- [people chattering]

Hi.

So, uh, what kind of

desert island?

- What?

- Well...

is it big?

Is it small?

What's the climate like?

Is there any wild animals

running around?

- It's hypothetical.

- I know.

But it might

affect my choices.

I mean, if there was wild

animals running around,

then I might want some

Metallica to scare 'em off.

Or if push came to shove,

then some Celine Dion.

[laughs]

- There are no wild animals.

- Mm-hmm.

It's a small island.

It's just you, a coconut tree,

and a view of the ocean.

I'd have to take

some Radiohead.

It's just a case

of which album.

Mmm.

Oh, but the Stones,

Let It Bleed.

- I'd have to take Motrhead.

- Motrhead?

- They've only done one good song.

- Yeah.

But it's only the best head-banging

tune in the history of rock.

Okay, so you're gonna take a whole

Motrhead album for one song?

Yes. Motrhead are gods.

Besides, having "head"

in the name of your band

is a surefire way to

create musical genius.

Think about it.

Motrhead. Portishead.

Talking Heads. Radiohead.

It's basically

scientific fact.

[giggles]

Give it a couple years and you'll be

adding Head Cleaner to that hallowed list.

- Head Cleaner?

- Yeah.

It's the name of my band.

What do you think?

Well, yeah, it's...

it's... it's interesting.

It works on two different levels.

Maybe even three.

So, is this

your original stuff?

Looks like a...

Stone Roses cover.

Iconic.

Thank you.

I'd have that as my album

cover any day of the week.

Okay.

You have three, two to go.

Electric Ladyland.

You're just a closet populist,

aren't you?

If you're gonna say that...

Hold on.

- Okay.

- Sh*t.

Just listen to this.

[speakers:

mid-tempo rock ballad]

- [speakers:
woman singing]

- Wow.

Oh, I got goose bumps.

[woman continues singing]

Your theory is bollocks,

by the way.

What theory?

About bands with "head"

in the name.

What about the Lemonheads?

They were crap.

No theory is infallible. That's

why they're called theories.

The Lemonheads

were all right.

Oh! Sh*t!

Whoa, Liam.

Don't strain yourself, okay?

Look at this crap.

You're such a hoarder. This

is a total waste of space.

It's not a waste of space.

I'm sorry, but some of us

can't just put our entire lives

on a f***ing USB stick.

[footsteps

ascending stairs]

[door slams]

[sniffles]

[exhaling]

[loud rock playing,

man singing]

You wanna come back to me

[singing continues]

Look, there's something

I want to tell you.

[squealing]

Whoo!

- I love you.

- What?

I said I love you.

I love this one too. This is one

of my favorites! Whoo! Whoo!

[singing continues]

I f***ing love you!

- What did you say?

- Nothing.

I love you too, Liam.

[singing continues]

[door opens,

hinge squeaks]

Listen. [sniffles]

I'm tired.

It's getting late.

I don't want to argue.

We'll do

the rest of this tomorrow.

[guitar strumming]

[tuning strings]

If you're so adamant on being the

front man, I reckon I need a gimmick.

- No.

- Look, I'm not just gonna fade into the background.

So I need something. A hook.

Something to distinguish me.

What are you

on about?

Like the way Wes Borland

is covered in paint,

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