Modern Life Is Rubbish Page #3

or Adam Clayton wears

those funny glasses.

What do you think

about me wearing a top hat?

Brilliant.

F***ing brilliant.

All you've got to do now is sit back

and wait for the Grammys to roll in.

Who the f***

was that?

Don't misuse my minutes,

Len.

Oi, wait, wait, wait.

Wh-What happened,

man?

Lenny,

who is this guy?

I'm the guy

who expanded the minds of some of

the greatest musicians in history.

I've opened hitherto

unexplored artistic avenues

for everyone from Depeche

Mode to Arcade Fire.

I've shared drugs and women

with the Gallaghers.

We're serious about this band. We'll

listen to anything you got to say.

Your rehearsal was supposed

to start an hour ago,

and all you've done is drone

on about f***ing hats!

- I work with real musicians.

- Wait.

Please. Just get one beer

and check out our stuff.

Have a little listen, Curve.

Have a taste.

You'll like it.

For you, Len.

- [chuckling]

- Well, go on then.

Sorry.

[upbeat rock playing]

Give it to you

Like that

[feedback]

Well, all things considered,

it's not total shite.

- Does that mean you'll help us?

- I've got a lot of bands on my roster right now.

But we need somebody

objective.

A Malcolm McLaren

or Brian Epstein.

- Our P. Diddy.

- Isn't it Puffy again?

- No, it's still Diddy.

- No, I'm sure it's Puff Daddy.

- It's Diddy, you dick.

- Will you shut the f*** up?

Look, I can't

turn sh*t into gold.

I'm not a miracle worker.

You lot would have to do

all the hard work.

All I can do is tweak a few titties.

You get me?

So, does that mean

you're in?

I'll think about it.

Curve, before you go,

what actually happened

in that hotel in Amsterdam?

If you enjoy

the use of your lungs,

don't ever f***ing ask me

about the Dam again.

- [rock music playing]

- How much, mate?

Five pound.

- [Liam singing]

- [crowd chattering loudly]

I'm so surprised.

They're quite good.

They are good.

They're really good.

[singing continues]

[beeping]

[song ends]

[coughs]

I've seen someone I like.

So I'll see you later, okay?

Okay.

Told you he wouldn't come.

[sighs]

Brought you a cold one.

What's wrong?

I don't know what's happened to the Curve.

No one could get hold of him.

He's supposed to be putting

the jam in our sandwich.

Don't worry.

It's going well.

They're not feeling it.

I've got a present for you.

I wasn't gonna give it to you now,

but maybe it'll be a lucky charm.

Hmm.

Thanks, babe.

[beeping]

If you send one more text

during this gig,

I'll ram this phone down your throat,

pull it out your f***ing ass,

and text a picture

to your mum.

Hello, lads.

Did you miss me?

Hello, you sluts. Are you

ready for some rock and roll?

- Whoo!

- Have I died?

I can't hear you. I said, are you

ready for some rock and roll?

[crowd cheering mildly]

Good. Because this

is Head Cleaner.

- Come on! Make some f***ing noise!

- [cheering, applauding]

Turn the bass down to five,

turn the vocals up to nine.

Right, lads.

This is your stage. Own it.

Gus, don't hold back

on the snare no more.

Liam, don't f***ing sing from the vagina.

Sing from the heart.

Olly.

Take that

f***ing stupid hat off.

One, two, three, four!

[laughs]

I can feel your

Empty body

Getting closer

To me

I can't help it

Uncontrollable

Like I'm stronger

- Again

- Whoo!

[crowd cheering]

I'm so strung out

At night

What's left

Till you find out

Pick you up, put you down

Still you wanna hold me

I'm so strung out tonight

So hard-up inside

I pick you up

And put you down

And still you wanna

Hold me tight

Still you wanna

Hold me tight

Still you wanna

Hold me tight

- Whoo!

- [cheering, applause]

Sorry there's not much room

for your stuff.

All I need is my guitar and

my girl, and I'm good to go.

Straight up, straight up.

Round this corner.

[frequencies tuning]

[guitars:
mid-tempo rock]

So at my show on Monday

I was told that someday

You'd be on your way

To better things

[both singing along] It's not about

your makeup Or how you try to shape up

To these tiresome

Paper dreams

Paper dreams, honey

- [vocalizing guitar lick]

- [radio:
static]

Now you pour your heart out

You're telling me

You're far out

Not about to lie down

For your cause

You don't pull my strings

'Cause I'm a better man

Moving on to better things

Oh-oh

I love her because

She moves in her own way

- [radio:
song resumes]

- Oh-uh-oh

I love her because

She moves in her own way

Oh-uh-oh

She came to my show

Just to hear about my day

And at the show on Tuesday

She was in her mind-set

- [squeals]

- Tempered firs And spangled boots

Looks are deceiving

Making me believe it

And these

Tiresome paper dreams

Paper dreams, honey, yeah

So won't you go far

Tell me you're a keeper

Not about to lie down

For your cause

But you don't

Pull my strings

'Cause I'm a better man

Moving on

To better things

Oh-uh-oh, oh

I love her because

She moves in her own way

Oh-uh-oh, whoa

She came to my show

Just to hear about my day

- Wait!

- Aaah!

Yes, I wish

That we never made it

Through all the summers

And kept them up

Instead of kicking us back

Down to the suburbs

I guess I wish

That we never made it

Through all the summers

And kept them up

Instead of kicking us back

Down to the suburbs

[sighs]

This is perfect.

A perfect day.

We just needed to

feed the animals in the zoo.

And drink sangria

in the park.

- And be addicted to heroin.

- [laughs]

[sighs]

We're on wafer-thin ice

with this place.

Rent's due on the tenth and the gas

and electricity is due the week...

Due the week after.

I know.

Look,

we'll figure it out.

If the Curve's A&R guy

comes through,

then we're gonna be laughing all the

way to the Rolls-Royce dealership.

Now, are you helping me

with this pizza or what?

Yep.

- [humming]

- [chopping]

- [humming]

- [shaking]

[humming melody together]

What are you doing?

- I've just thought of a great lyric.

- [laughs]

- [strumming notes]

- [humming]

[vocalizing]

Dum-dah-dum dum

Allsort girl

Dum-dah-dum dum

Dum-dah-dum-dah

Allsort girl

Dah-dah-dum-dah

[vocalizing]

We should probably

eat that pizza.

Yes, we should.

[laughs]

I almost don't want to touch it.

Almost.

[laughs]

Mmm.

Mmm.

An artist.

A muse.

A culinary wizard.

I'm just being greedy.

Mmm.

Mmm. Best not.

Don't worry

about tomorrow.

Do you know how hard it is to get these

interviews? I don't want to be half-cut.

Relax. They're gonna love you.

It's gonna be fine.

[sighs]

Everything that you do,

my love,

is a work

of f***ing art.

Everyone's cutting back.

No labels are hiring.

I mean, these interviews

are a waste of time.

Even the top in-house designers

are having to spec out work.

It's just not happening.

Our rent's coming up and

God love him, he does try,

but he can't seem to hold any of

these jobs for longer than a month.

And one of us has to bring

in some real cash, or...

Well, if you're that hard-up, we're always

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