Modern Life Is Rubbish Page #5

What's that?

What?

That.

I bought an iPod.

Are you serious? I mean,

where's the inlay sleeve?

Where's the track listing?

The artwork? The credits?

I just want to listen

to the music.

You used to want to design album

covers, for crying out loud.

Yeah, well, I guess they'll

just have to be digital now.

Digital.

All of this crap is killing the music

industry. Don't you realize that?

We met in a record store.

That's never

gonna happen again.

If those things had been around ten

years ago, we'd never have even met.

I mean,

where does it end?

Food chains, coffee chains,

iPods, cell phones?

It's all part of the same process

of corporate homogenization.

Yeah, it's just

a hundred quid to you.

But no one's stopping to ask

what the true cost is here,

to the music industry, to the

little man, to the individual,

to the band, to me!

Liam, can you

keep your voice down?

No! I'm sorry, but I can't

let this slide, Nat.

The iPod is a shoplifter

of the soul,

and it's designed specifically

to sap the human spirit.

Look, you sold out!

- Please be quiet.

- Or what? Eh? Or what?

You f***ing people.

You don't have any heart,

any soul.

You don't know what it

costs to create something,

to reach inside yourself

and pull your heart out

and get nothing in return!

You people wouldn't know good art

if it hit you in the f***ing face!

Get the f*** off!

I can't believe that

you're doing this to me.

Are you crazy? What the

f*** are you playing at?

They passed on our demo.

You think that's an excuse?

It's the last one.

I mean, we're cooked.

Everybody's scaling back

their rosters.

In five years, they're the only

label that's paid any interest.

It's over.

You know, for once,

you're absolutely right, Liam.

It is definitely

100 percent over.

I'm all packed.

So, um...

So I guess this is it.

I'm so sorry.

Me too.

You can have this

if you want.

[scoffs]

Really?

Yeah.

It's too experimental

for me anyway.

Thank you.

[door slams]

Limb by limb

And tooth by tooth

Stirring up inside of me

Every day, every hour

I wish that I

Was bulletproof

Wax me

Mold me

Heat the pins

And stab them in

You have turned me into this

Just wish that it

Was bulletproof

- [CD skipping] So... So... So-so-so

- F***'s sake!

[stops]

[sighs]

[woman]

It's somebody's birthday.

Oh, come on, love.

Come on.

Make a wish.

Here. Three sugars,

just the way you like it.

Thanks.

So... you really buggered

that up then, didn't you?

Don't start, Mum.

I know. I know.

A lovely girl like that.

Oh, well,

it's no wonder she left,

if this is how you spend

all your life.

Lay off, Mum. Please.

Look, I'm working on it.

It doesn't look like

you're working on it.

You can't kip

on my couch forever, Liam.

- You need to get up off your ass and get yourself a job.

- I know.

And keep it this time.

I know.

I know.

And while you're staying here,

you can help around the house.

The front door

needs fixing.

Okay, fine.

Do you want your pressie?

Well, what do you think?

[sighs]

Cut me like a rose

Turn me on my feet

Hold me on the floor

Heavy like the force

Between us

I was a ghost

Halted in flight

Kneeling

There of the heart

God undertow

Feeling

I was only falling in love

- I was only falling in love

- [fork clinks]

The Digital Partner App allows couples

to send each other digital gifts

in a... in, um...

in a simulated environment.

Um, just...

Like, bouquets of

flowers, and, um,

love poems, box of chocolates,

that sort of thing.

Uh, each partner's profile can

be individually personalized,

so the digital avatar

on the screen

actually directly resembles

the actual person.

The gifts that you can give

will be charged to an account.

Uh, they'll be affordable.

A pound each or so,

rising steadily.

And it's a great way

for couples to communicate

and, you know, show that they're

thinking of each other.

And obviously, there are pop-up

ads, the usual accoutrements.

Put your shrapnel

away.

Thanks.

Sorry, man.

Split's cleaned me out.

Look, I don't know what I'm gonna

do, but I need to sort my sh*t out.

I just got a new job,

as it goes.

They're looking

for more staff.

I can put in a word with

the manager, if you want.

That would be great.

Where is it?

[steam hissing]

[Olly]

Cappuccino for Tristan?

Cappuccino

for Tristan.

I've got a large soy

decaf latte for Adrian.

Large decaf latte

for Adrian.

Liam.

Oh, geez, sorry, man. I didn't

see you there. How you doing?

Sorry. How are things

with Head Squeaker?

Actually, I'm-I'm gonna

give you guys a minute.

- Um, I'll just be outside.

- Okay.

You got a job.

It's temporary.

Latte.

- All right, Nat?

- Hi.

Right.

Is that mine?

Large latte,

extra froth.

Just the way you like it.

Thanks.

- Bye.

- [whispers] Bye.

Hi. Can I have a skinny

soy latte, please?

Hey, um...

Listen, Nat. I don't want to

be in the middle of something.

I have been

on the other side of this.

Will you need more time?

I totally get it.

[sighs]

It's over.

I promise.

I need to move forward.

Okay.

Hello?

- Excuse me?

- What?

A skinny soy latte,

please.

Sorry, mate. Olly.

Skinny soy latte.

Liam! I don't pay you to smoke!

F***. Sh*t.

[man] Love

Love will tear us apart

Again

- Oh, love

- What are you trying to say?

Piss off, mate.

Apart

Oy!

You're playing it in the wrong

key, anyway, you prick!

And love

Look,

we all love Nat, okay?

But it's over. She's moving on.

So should you.

I've got one word for you:

Tinder.

- What's that?

- It's a dating app that links to your Facebook.

I'm not even on Facebook.

You know that.

This is what I'm talking about.

Right? This all has to stop.

We are dragging you, kicking and

screaming, into the 21st century.

You are going on Tinder.

Now come on.

Grow some bollocks.

Olly? Come on. It's the Great

British Bake Off. Let's go.

Coming, sweetie.

What? Doesn't mean

I'm not right.

- [woman] Olly!

- Coming. Coming.

Hey.

Are you Claire?

No.

No, I'm Layla.

- Sorry.

- [chuckles] It's okay.

Are you

from the States?

Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Studying here, or...

No, no. I, uh... I work in a

clothes shop on Portobello.

How about you?

What do you do?

Wait. Let me guess.

Something artistic, right?

Oh, I'm in a band.

Yeah.

[laughs] I knew it.

You've got that look.

The whole smoldering, tortured

rocker thing going on.

- It's kinda cool.

- [phone buzzes]

[groans]

Well,

that can't be good.

Yeah. Seems my date's

flaked on me.

[groans] Women.

Yeah.

Well,

here's my friend.

Why don't I give you

my card, in case...

you know, in case you ever need

some vintage women's clothing.

- Hey. I'm sorry I'm late.

- Hi. Okay.

- Are you ready?

- Yeah, let's go.

[inhales] Ooh, I don't

know how he did that.

Honestly, even the

texture of baked beans,

- it makes me wince.

- [chuckles]

- Mm-hmm.

- [chuckles]

[laughing]

So, do you like it here

in London?

Yeah. Yeah. I wish I had been here in

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