Mom and Dad Page #4

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Another day in anytown

I wake up with a frown

Another day in anytown

Run, Spot, run

Run, Spot, run

I called up Sally,

Dick and Mark

We took my dog Spot

To the park

We watched him run

And hunt and bark

Then Spot ran

Way into the dark

Run, Spot, run

Run, Spot, run

I had to go and tell my dad

I said...

Wow!

You were gonna tell me

about this at some point?

Jesus Christ.

Why do you sneak up on me

like that?

You bought a pool table?

Yeah. So?

You don't even like pool.

Can I ask how much this cost?

Don't worry about it.

I kind of have to worry

about it.

I mean,

Christmas is coming up.

Do you really think

this is the right time

to start building a man cave

in the basement?

It's not a man cave, Kendall.

Jesus!

I just thought, you know,

like... like a family room.

The whole house

is a family room.

Okay. You see, I got a problem

with that one right there,

because I bust my ass six days

a week

trying to pay this place down,

and it's like

a f***ing obstacle course

trying to get out

the f***ing front door.

I mean, one of these days,

I'm gonna trip over

one of Josh's toys

and take a nose dive

- straight to the emergency room.

- What are you saying?

I'm saying that maybe we need

to have boundaries.

I'm saying that

maybe there needs to be

a f***ing grown-up zone,

and a f***ing kid zone!

Brent... honey...

you think I want to be the one

to piss all over

your family room?

Do you think

I want to be the one

who has to build

a f***ing family room?

Perfect. Yeah.

Okay. Well,

let me see if I can take care

of this for you, sweetheart.

Yeah, I think I have something.

I have just the right thing.

Oh, yeah!

You put your right foot in

You take your right foot out

You do the hokey-pokey

And you f***in'

Work it all out

Brent, stop.

And you do the hokey-pokey,

and you turn yourself around!

That's what it's all about!

There you go.

Problem solved.

You're right, honey.

I hate pool.

Not a big fan

of machine-part sales either.

Trying to hit quotas

down there, be a big man.

Not exactly what I had in mind

as a young dude, you know.

Bright future. Everything

in the world to look forward to.

I mean, I was gonna grab

the world by the balls

and squeeze, boy!

God damn it! I remember

that kid I used to be

like it was

four f***ing minutes ago!

My feet barely touched

the ground back then.

My kill ratio

was nine out of ten!

It was 100 percent sex.

But that guy, in a million years

could never have pictured

this tired motherf***er

he turned out to be!

Flat on his ass,

fat, bald,

cottage-cheese f***ing ass,

Blue Bonnet butter

waistline,

with hair coming out

of my ears, my nose.

And my salary went

from 145,000 dollars

to 45,000 dollars!

Yeah, building

a f***ing man cave!

That's right.

You're right!

I mean,

does any of this make any sense

to you at all?

Of course it does.

I mean...

it's not that...

as a woman...

you don't have...

career dreams,

relationship dreams.

I did. I had all that...

but there's this bigger thing.

All your life,

you know it's coming.

And there's this mix

of anxiety and...

secret excitement...

and terror...

because you know that one day...

inevitably...

you'll create this life.

The hugeness of it,

the importance of it...

everything is building

to that moment.

And then...

it happens.

And no matter what you thought

it would be...

it's not like that.

I mean, it's intense.

It's f***ing bat-sh*t,

but it's not...

It doesn't...

Anyways, it is what it is.

Just something that happens,

and then it's...

Then it's over.

Yeah.

I know this is the way

things are supposed to be.

I... I know we're doing it right.

It's just hard to get

my head around, you know?

I mean, I used to be Brent...

and you used to be Kendall...

and now we're just...

Mom and Dad.

F***!

Come on!

The origin of threat

is still being determined,

but what we are being told

by authorities

is that we are under attack.

To anyone

in earshot of this broadcast,

the message is, you are going

to want to go to them.

It's your natural instinct

in the middle of a crisis,

is to protect them,

but do not go

near your children.

Are you all right?

Took a header.

Must have blacked out.

You're home early.

So are you.

They're in the basement.

Carly?

Joshua?

- Can you hear me?

- Mom?

Dude, shh.

Yes, it's Mommy.

Mommy's here.

Is your sister with you?

- Yeah, Mom, I'm here.

- Oh, thank God.

Are you two all right?

Mom...

I stole the money...

from your purse.

I'm so sorry. I...

Riley, she just said

that she needed it,

and then her...

her mom...

It's okay, honey.

I understand. You must have had

a very good reason...

but that's not what this

is about.

Now I want you to unbolt

the door,

and I want you and your brother

to come out of that basement.

Do you understand?

No, Mom, we're not coming out,

okay? You have to leave.

You... you need to leave

the house, you and Dad!

Your motherfucking mother

said to open this door!

And, motherfuckers,

you're going to open

this motherfucking door!

Carly.

Not so helpful.

Joshie.

All right.

Let's try it this way.

Where are you going?

That's not gonna cut

through this door.

The hell it won't.

It's a Sawzall.

That means it saws all.

Ah, well, you know,

educate me.

F*** this.

I'm tired of messing around

with this sh*t.

You want to get things done?

Huh?

I'll get things done.

Mom! Please don't!

Please.

What the f***?

Aw, sh*t!

Got a f***ing explanation

for this?

You really went all in

on the midlife crisis thing,

didn't you?

A f***ing handgun?

Really?

Well, I mean, some psycho

could break into the house.

How am I supposed to defend us?

You do realize

that one in five children

and adolescents injured

involve firearms!

It was in a locked case.

What was the combination?

Josh's birthday.

Who wants to die today?

Speak! Speak!

Come on.

What a jerk you are.

Damn it!

Forget it.

I have an idea.

Want to get me something

for this?

Oh, you bet I will.

Okay,

just get some alcohol.

Alcohol? Okay.

Just alcohol. Okay.

Maybe I should try

to take the bullet out first.

Are you f***ing kidding me?

No! No. Leave it.

I just don't want it

to get infected.

- Just leave it.

- Okay.

You ready?

One, two, three, go.

What... what was that?

It sounded like Mom.

All right. okay, okay.

Opening. Don't hurt your teeth.

Okay, okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Ow! F***!

All right.

All right, okay. Here we go.

All right. And...

one,

two...

three...

five, six.

Do you think Dad's hurting her?

I don't know.

I don't think so. I think...

I think

they only want to hurt us.

Don't worry.

Everything's gonna be okay,

'cause whatever's happening

out there...

it's gonna pass.

But until then...

we're safe here, okay?

No one can get in.

Are you sure?

We're urban savages

No one can manage us

We're gonna hit the street

We're urban savages

No one can manage us

We gotta rock the street

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