Mommy Page #5

If you ain't got a good pair,

you're in deep sh*t!

Time to flat call, I guess!

No hooters, no poker!

Might as well play with myself!

Or watch some TV!

I don't even have a TV!

No TV, no candy, sweet f*** all!

No bazookas in my 34A!

But a big one in my mouth!

Tastes good!

They're my favourite!

That one was effin huge!

Quite the mission!

I got cramps in my face!

I'mma help it down the drain!

Stop it, Die!

Sorry!

You're gonna kill me, Die!

Do you get it?

Holy f***!

Should've seen your face!

You scared me...

It's just me.

Don't worry, babe.

Don't call me babe.

'lght. I won't.

It's okay.

Are you done with

your history homework?

I was just about to,

but I can't see sh*t

'cause of the blackout.

There.

I'm a f***ing pro, eh?

Mom?

Dad wants to know where you put

the candles and flashlights.

They're in a box in the basement.

He knows where!

Thank you.

I meant to tell ya...

about earlier...

about this morning.

I wanted to apologize, first.

I'm sorry and...

I like it when you teach me stuff.

And... I get it

when you explain sh*t to me.

For that reason,

it makes me wanna ask you,

do you wanna keep doing it?

Mom!

Dinner's ready!

Thanks, I'm coming.

That way...

I could pass my exams

at the end of the year, and...

'cause when I'm old enough,

I'll apply to an Art school,

in the States.

Juilliard.

And I think Die likes you.

We like you, we're chill.

You're on sabbatical

so if you stay with me,

she could find a day job

and we'd get it going again.

I don't mean to interrupt

but the food's gonna get cold!

Show me!

Come back here, you dork!

Get your ass here!

Chill out!

You goddamn stupid punk!

I'mma come and getcha!

What the hell are you doing?!

Stop encouraging him!

I'm trying to raise that kid!

I'm free!

I am free!

D'y0u like ital dente?

I'm from a special school of thought.

I like my pasta just a tiny tiny bit

harder than al dente.

Well, it's al dente now!

Strain them, illico pesto!

- Fail! Keep your day job, please!

- Why don't ya shut it!

Says here the mayo

may contain mustard.

Yeah, they always write that BS,

even for cookies!

I hate f***ing mustard.

Just put two spoonfuls, just two.

What the...?

Don't put the dressing yet,

it'll make the lettuce soggy.

Kyla, start 'em pine nuts!

On low.

So they don't burn!

You've been served, ma'am.

Good evening.

It may contain traces of mustard.

...your son...

...set fire to the cafeteria...

This fire caused physical

and moral damages...

Pine nuts are ready!

Take 'em out of the pan

so they won't burn!

...to our son Kevin Julien.

Put the lid on, so they stay moist.

75% of his face...

...skin graft...

Can we change the subject?

Please act accordingly.

Pour the dressing.

Stop poking my face with that sh*t!

I'mma look like a slut!

You already look like one!

Stop it!

That sweater's way too small.

It's got a big spot, like you

slept in a pile of sh*t.

Pile of sh*t, yourself!

Mind your own, kiss ass!

Is the kid that set the canteen

on fire a pile of sh*t?

The kid whose mom's

meeting with the neighbour

who's helping for free

so you, don't end up

at George-Etienne Lemieux?

- I'm not going back!

- I know, you dumb-ass!

But for f***'s sake,

we gotta lawyer our asses up.

We can't just sit and wait for God

to come down on an effin cloud!

I have a bird-nest on my head!

I'm not a tumbleweed!

Wait...

I'm getting there.

I know.

F***ing douche.

10 max, I'm peacing out.

No one's pissing till I say so.

Steve, you have to do it.

2-3 hours of your precious time,

suck it up.

F*** that sh*t!

I'm done with that dirty mouth!

F*** f*** f***!

Back off!

I've had it 'bout up to here!

We'll make a good impression tonight!

Are you blind or you just dumb!

That dick doesn't wanna help us,

he just wants in your panties!

We'll be right out!

No problemo!

As usual...

Thank you.

Good luck.

We'll do what we can.

You coming, cutie?

You wait!

Stay here.

There's no two ways about it.

Mom's got a couple gigs

here and there

for bills and groceries.

Not a lawsuit, not a lawyer.

If we don't defend ourselves...

We gotta put some water

in our wine...

Huh. baby?

Ever heard that expression?

We stick together, tonight.

Mom's there for ya, and vice versa.

We good?

Wheeeeretoooooo!

Alrighty!

It's scary,

how nothing's changed here.

That secret sauce

is what scares me!

Those freaking secrets scare me.

I don't get it.

I just don't.

I don't get them burgers!

Who's into that stuff

except for tourists

who've never seen flat bread?

I was surprised

you brought up that place.

Who'd be into swaggy homemade burgers

with nice hot sauce

and melting cheddar

when you got that effin orange cheese

from some obese-packed

American dive, eh?

I guess my dad was just

some random tourist.

He sure knows how to liven it up.

I hope you like karaoke, Steve.

'Cause I got it all planned out!

You kidding, we love it!

I told ya on the phone, he sings!

I don't sing, I dance!

You can do both at once,

you're no dummy.

You gonna smack like a cow

without manners all night, or what?

Wait until I sing Eye of the Tiger,

you'll loosen up.

Freakin' blast from the past!

I've been hooked since '82.

I saw it maybe 11 times,

and I keep forgetting how it ends!

I have the Scarf ace poster

on my fridge.

But about...

about Steve...

'Cause our Steve here got himself...

in a fine mess...

He's a pro.

It's about time we...

get to the bottom of things...

- Whatcha gonna sing tonight, Steve?

- Yeah, what?

Get the f*** out!

I just can't believe it!

Eyes like this, jaw-dropped!

He's standing frozen,

drooling on the floor.

Poor girl's got her money's worth!

Her dude shows up,

middle of the night!

Busts her with the stripper,

his schlong

sticking outta his speedo!

One big schlong!

Steve, buddy?

What's our song, kiddo!

You know what?

Why don't we pick a song,

and sing your mom some duet,

a beautiful song

for a beautiful woman.

Hey Missy! Same thing, here!

Die, seconds?

Bring it on!

Make that two!

Thanks!

So... my dear Paul...

About Steve and that whole shebang,

we better talk it through

before we're too wasted to speak!

I'm never too wasted.

Seriously, Paul,

could you direct...

our direction...

in this crazy whatchamacallit?

The only thing you gotta know

is that when it comes to a lawsuit,

- it's all about the angle.

- Oh, yeah...

What's your angle?

Is it this one?

Or this one?

I dunno, you're the boss!

Or this one?

That ain't the same!

That's another one!

It's fragile, but it's the angle.

Seriously, drop by my place

tomorrow morning.

Doesn't feel right talking about it

with Steve around,

we should be partying,

kicking back a few!

Are you a cottage kinda girl?

Well, cottage, just like that, eh?

My cottage yeah, we could go

for a day, or two, or three

whenever I don't have my daughter

and you uh... I dunno...

I dunno...

- Hey, you got Vivo Per Lei?

- Huh?

Vivo Per Lei, the song.

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