Mondays in the Sun Page #3

Tell me when the movie ends.

If there's any fighting

or groping, change stations.

You know where to press?

- Here.

- That's it.

Very good.

This whiskey is terrific.

This guy's got good taste.

We all have good taste.

What he's got is money.

I wonder what he does.

Can you imagine

living like this?

What's this kid's name?

Jorgito...

Luisito...

What's up, kid?

What does your father do?

Russian story says:

Two old party comrades meet,

and one says, "All that we were

told about communism was a lie."

The other says,

"Yes, but the worst thing

is that all we were told

about capitalism was true."

- What did you do?

- I study in Gagarin Space School.

- You're kidding.

- Many astronauts learn there.

I study 27 program

of Soviet Union.

I, in space now,

exactly...

there!

Between big star

and little blue one.

But my program stop.

Soviet Union kaput.

I am here now.

That's life.

Did you know the Russian

was an astronaut?

- What's up?

- Nothing, I'm serious.

He should be up there now.

Hell of a change.

I know what this guy does.

He makes shoes.

- I opened a closet, it was full.

- You opened a closet?

They're his wife's.

- These people have lots of shoes.

- Why did you open it?

- I was investigating.

- Investigating.

- Don't dramatize it.

- I'm not dramatizing.

We're here

under my responsibility.

If anything disappears

or anything happens to the kid

- I get the blame.

- The kid could have his head

stuck in the oven

and you wouldn't notice.

You're here because

I invited you. Got it?

And you do as I say.

It's my house and my job

and my child.

Yeah, but we're helping you,

aren't we?

With the child.

- We're all looking after him.

- What are you babbling about?

Lino is right.

So we should all

share the money.

The 3,000 pesetas?

What else?

Do you want a contract too?

Have you all gone crazy?

- Where are you going?

- To put the child to bed.

"The Grasshopper

and The Ant."

Here we go.

"Once upon a time, there was

a grasshopper and an ant.

The ant was very

hardworking

and the grasshopper was not.

He liked to sing and sleep.

While the ant

went about his tasks.

Time went by. The ant worked

and worked all summer long.

He saved all he could

and when winter came

the grasshopper was dying

of hunger and cold

while the ant had

everything."

That ant is a real bastard!

"The grasshopper knocked

on the ant's door,

and the ant said to him,

'Grasshopper,

if you had worked as I did

you wouldn't be

hungry and cold now."'

And he didn't open the door!

Who wrote this?

Because this isn't

how it is!

That ant is a piece of sh*t

and a speculator.

And it doesn't say why

some are born grasshoppers.

Because if you are,

you're f***ed.

And it doesn't say that here.

Will Ana like them?

Of course, they're

beautiful.

They're not kind of weird?

She wears a size smaller

but with an insole...

Look, look.

Come here and look at this.

Look. Look.

- I have to get up early.

- Didn't you want to be on TV?

Look, look. Look.

Good evening.

Good evening,

ladies and gentlemen,

Welcome to "Guess who is

the biggest d*ckhead I know?"

Tonight, it's a very close

competition.

On my left, in a checked jacket

which is way out of fashion,

Paulino Ribas, unemployed

and weighing in at 80 kilos.

And on my right,

another considerable d*ckhead,

last week's champion,

Jose Suarez. A big hand.

- Can I play?

- No, you can't.

This is for Spanish

d*ckheads.

Send your name

and your telephone number

to whatever f***ing address

you want.

- I don't have a phone.

- I'm out of here.

First question:
How many hours

is Australia from here?

Let's hear your answer now.

- By plane?

- No, swimming, a**hole.

- 10 hours.

- 10!

Serguei said 10

and he's an astronaut.

He can't answer

because he's not here.

The question is defaulted.

You've lost.

- What did I lose?

- You have just lost

a wonderful job with 14 paychecks,

a secretary, with promotion

opportunities in Torrevieja, Alicante.

Jose! Wait!

I'm ready!

And that's not all.

You like them?

Very much.

Fit for a princess.

Chosen specially for you.

I can go to the bank alone.

We could be there

for an hour.

I'm sure I'll have

to sign something.

Don't put any more on,

you don't need it.

Stop it, I smell like fish.

You don't smell like fish.

You smell like a mermaid.

Go on, take your shower.

Now...

A personal loan.

Your paycheck stub?

She's the one who works.

Great.

- Permanent contract?

- Temporary.

Monthly net earnings, 110,000.

Any bonuses?

No bonuses...

Any other source of income?

Anything supplementary?

Well, well...

Can anyone act

as guarantor for you?

I can.

Someone with an income,

a relative, your parents...

Is it necessary?

It helps.

Is there a problem?

- The ad said it was easy.

- You know how ads are.

I'll need a copy

of your marriage certificate.

Sign here, please.

The one who's employed.

All right, then.

In 10 days,

we'll give you an answer.

Why did you put it there?

Excuse me?

Why did you put the form

there?

That's its place.

- And that pile?

- Jose, please.

Why not throw it

straight in the trash?

- A committee will study it...

- Committee, my ass!

You think I don't realize?

We don't have money,

so you think we're retarded?

I'm sorry.

Thanks, Jose.

You've been a big help!

- There are a lot of banks.

- What?

What do you think this is?

He was laughing at me!

He wasn't laughing at you,

or at anyone.

He was doing his job.

He can stuff his job up his ass!

- What was that, a trial?

- Yes, it was.

And if they like you

they give you money.

You don't like it? Then you're f***ed, that's

how it is.

No, f*** them.

Nobody puts me on trial.

I don't like their money.

I don't want it.

It was me asking for the loan.

I'll decide if I like their money!

Right, I'm not

the "employed person."

After all, who am I?

Nobody, a worthless a**hole,

someone they can laugh at.

I knew it.

I should've come on my own.

Yeah, that's right.

You all on your own.

You work, you ask

for the loans. Great.

What about me?

Jose, I knew this would happen

as soon as I saw the whiskey.

Right, you know everything.

What happened,

what will happen...

You're so smart that

you're filling cans of tuna.

It's more than you can say.

- Can't you just be quiet for once?

- We can go to another one.

Another one?

What for?

To insult them too?

It's always the same.

Look at us.

We've got nothing.

No house, no kids,

no loan, nothing.

And it's always

because of f***ing work.

Are you awake?

I'm sorry, all right?

I'm sorry.

and 47. And the complementary

number is...

Good morning.

Maybe for you.

JOB SEEKERS:

Look.

Whoever wants to suck me off,

raise her hand.

Do you know her?

From the other day.

If they can't give us a proper job

we'll take a blow job.

What can I do?

Put yourself in my place.

They were to send you

the dismissal form.

When did you sign it?

- When I signed the contract.

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